Hi Sotto. Thanks for the input. I too feel it's ok to have these talks as now the R is over from my end it does help to know that she has regrets because while I have accepted my failings in the M it's nice to know I wasn't all bad
Also I do feel for EXW. She has lost everything and is living a tough life economically Losing her kids must be incredibly hard and while I appreciate its her choice , I do wonder of her straight thinking ability sometimes
Huddy. Thanks for posting and can I just remark how impressed I am by your control and the huge change your brought about in your own thinking. I get that you still look for signs re your W and I understand 100% but the way you can stand back and see what's really happening I do help EXW but I'm careful not to over step any lines Sotto remarked on the little girl thing and I have always treated EXW like that and smothered her in what I thought was protecting or helping but no can see it as taking over and not letting EXW take her choice , right or wrong.
Regarding any future R , I won't say never but it's certainly how I feel at the moment. EXW is coming forward but maybe it's just trying to shed some guilt
As I am the first to point out if a WAS what's to R then they will Must make it very clear
Appreciate how you feel right now. You're doing your bit by being an upstanding father to your kids. I get the little girl thing. Glad you're at peace right now.
One Direction, by the way! I bet you're glad you didn't get in that concert. A drink of the black stuff on the Quays sounds a lot better.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
First, ONE DIRECTION is awesome, fantastic!!! I love those kids, and if I was years younger I would be dying for Hair Styles. He is so handsome and I love his voice. Next time, maybe I can go with the girls.
Second, RD you know how I am a bit romantic. The thing here for me is that your W is reaching out in her own way. There is shame, regret, guilty and on and on mixed up in her mind and soul. She is still very depressed and it is a vicious cycle she may be dealing with right now.
As I look back in my life I can remember how many times I would wish to have my XH away and for a long time. Rising three kids and being a homemaker made me depressed too. My XH had it all figured out for himself, job, career, self steam, and blah, blah, blah.
I was there counting the days when I could have a chance to do something more with my life, trying to look at the positive, struggling with my own self, my appearance, even subjects to talk about that did not involved kids.
I guess what I am trying to say is that your W sounds like at some point she just gave up on herself, life and then everything else was in the tornado blow.
I am not excusing her, but I know how hard it is to feel all alone even when you have a Hubby and kids. She probably did everything to everyone and forgot herself. Maybe she became the last one on the line.
It's not you fault, nor the kids as well, it's her own fault, but does it matter who's fault it is right now?
I know you are all stubborn, saying that you can't do this or that. But she always sees that there is something there, some hanging unresolved R and some hope that it can better.
You compare to the little girl... yes, I feel that way too sometimes. Some women are super high maintenance in that area and we need lots of attention. We do not need money, food, new clothes... we are thirsty for attention.
Just an idea... would you go for a dinner, just the two of you. No talks about specifics, no doctor talk, no OM, no wounds subject, nothing that reminds both of you of the bad issues.
But instead, the two of you that started sometime in the past. You changed, she changed, and maybe there is still time to rebuild a family. See what happens. You won't be doing this just for her, but mainly for yourself, to find out what do you feel, how do you feel and if that is what you still wants.
And again, I know you will say that I am too romantic. But I guess life is just to cruel and harsh on the everyday deal, we may need a bit of romanticism to make things prettier and see the magic happen.
Well like everyone says, this is my two cents. Now, I would like you to think and say honestly that she knows exactly what "You" want from her. Does she?
It seems to me that you want her, love her but you don't want her, is feeling good in your new life, moving on, and doesn't love her the same way anymore. Yeap! I feel she is very confused and does not know what direction to take.
You are afraid to get hurt and now she is afraid to get rejected (maybe in her mind...again).
Maybe other girls in this board will agree with me. "We girls are complicated" but maybe because of that we are also the most gorgeous things in this world.
Just something to think about coming from a girl perspective. This would not be pursuing, this would be talking to a good friend with a lot of respect.
Think about. Lots of hugs and kisses to you and the kiddos.
I get what your saying and maybe your right. At the moment I feel I wouldn't want an R even if it was offered I've grown in lots of ways and I wouldn't have if this hadn't happened.
I would like another R one day and you know who with !!!!!!
EXW maybe coming forward but who knows ? She doesn't appear to be happy but again who knows
Thanks for posting lovely Pink. I hope to read about your sitch very soon and look forward to hearing from you soon
Rd, did you make your wife aware of the free counselling sessions your IC offered? It was something you said you were going to do but didn't mention it, in the small hours of today.
Being awake at such an late time, midweek,indicates, to me anyway, that you've got stuff ticking in your head that you probably need to ruminate over for a while longer before it starts to make sense to you...
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I too was missing your posts and to tell the truth I am always looking forward to talk to you.
I don't know about another R in my life. I am very scared of getting myself into another mess and hurt the way it did and is doing.
Wounds like this are not only directly relate to loosing your H but there are so much more feelings involved in it and there are the kids too, what hurts us further.
I feel old RD, I don't know if I still got it. I play around saying things that may sound as I am a very secured person, but my gaps are big craters. I don't feel attractive enough, I don't feel confident in my attitude towards love anymore.
Maybe time will make me feel better, but for now I prefer to stay inside the shell and hide there. That's funny, I have been changing and became a turtle.
I just know one thing, that the tough of you is good and always makes me smile. I guess you are the big crash without pressure, face, name, no fear involved. Sometimes, I feel I am going crazy.
Life is complicated and we both have our still young kids to take care after. You are indeed an intriguing question in my mind, a big fear in my thoughts, a big smile in my dreams, a question mark in my day. What is it RD? Are we so vulnerable we get so connected to one that gives us attention? Is this life laying it's hidden secrets before our eyes?
Somehow there is (or are) something there, and I am a very curious person...
Thinking about you all day today, maybe I am totally insane now.
Hi Pink. You are such an honest person and trust me you will love again Someone with your passion and love of life needs to share it Your able to chat with me because you feel safe because there is distance between us and the anonymity of the net. I truly think we would have been great friends In the real world because we share a similar thinking on a lot of things.
It's nice to be able to feel that someone cares for us and while we have the barrier of the Internet to protect us , we can still share our feelings and appreciate others strengths and weaknesses.
You are a very special lady Any self doubt you have is due to the sitch your find yourself in. We have all been rejected and made to feel we aren't good enough and while we all have a certain amount of responability in the breakdown of our Ms, we are the one posting on a forum about saving that M
You've gone through an incredibly tough time and it's bound to knock your self confidence Please don't let it , I have fallen for you and not what you look like If you are a tenth as attractive on the outside and you are on the inside then you must be stunning and if your not you will still be stunning Maybe the Internet is a blessing because we can focus on how people really are and not some image they are putting out to the world
For me , it's not about kind words or people telling us we aren't all bad but it's people we feel we can connect with. On this site I have found some really good people. I'm so lucky to have found Lady V who has helped me face up to some harsh realities while comforting me at the same time Sotto who is always o e of the first o post and always with compassion and wisdom Jim who asks the hard questions while supporting me Sunny D who always is there with kind words and a funny twist on things Avanti a new and regular poster on my sitch and fellow car man ( even if he's still playing with the cheaper end of the market !!!!)
And my lovely Pink who I would love meet in the real world but would be afraid because it's would be so great and at the same frightening in case I wasn't what you expected Have no doubt that you are a worth so much more than H has given you. You would be ( and will be , if you choose ) a fantastic partner for some very lucky man
I'm sitting with D14 and S16 watching a movie. I've had a few glasses of red and I'm meeting a friend tomorrow who has been waiting for a kidney transplant for 12 years and he called me yesterday and sounded so down and asked me to meet him tomorrow
Whle we have all been through and are gong through a very tough time , I think we need to step back and thank the higher power ( copyright Vanillia ) for what we do have.
Pink. Thank you for being my friend While you were gone I started a thread looking for you because I wanted you to know that you are cared for and loved by your friends on here. I posted and was quickly joined by the crew.
I hope it shows that we can see your worth even accross the net and you needed to feel that worth when your down. Please know that even if you discard all others suitors a cockney sounding Irish man is always here for you
This funny online world, we have found friendship, support and dare I say connection to our higher power.
Sadly we are not encouraged to meet in the real world, I am in Listowel at the end of the month for a friend's birthday party and I travel by ferry to Ireland. I hope I can find the cash, I love Southern Ireland at this time of year.
Maybe we can toast each other with a glass of the black stuff across the miles.
That would be amazing to be on the same soil as my online bruv.
I sense Pink would not be disappointed in you.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hi Vanillia. While we are not allowed to meet please please do not hesitate to contact should you need any help while here. I would be upset and disappointed if ( and I sincerely hope you don't !! ) you needed help and didn't let me know
