Thanks Gmum, thanks Photo, thanks Zues. Yep Photo, I would have loved to hop on here, but I did not have access. Maybe I will make that a new rule, NC H unless i can type it in here first
Zues, I started reading up on yours and we share many similarities, I am excited to read further!
So, a small, everyday babystep is starting to build more momentum. My ounces are turning into pounds. Everyday I keep to a reduced calorie diet and every day I do a variety of different exercises, but one is consistently walking around the campus. I am not shooting for a fast weight lose, but I am losing ounces everyday. Those ounces are turning into pounds. I was able to wear a pair of jeans yesterday that I have not touched in a few years.
I do not think I am actually ready to run yet. When I quit smoking in January, it was from a 30 year (ish) habit, so running is a pipe dream. But I am eager to run. As I walk, i try and walk faster and faster and now, my legs burn way before I run out of breath. So I think I am going to try jogging soon. As soon as I have spare time at night. (So never)
I did not succeed in NC yesterday, but it was unavoidable. And I shot myself in the foot.
When my S first signed up for soccer months ago, I decided to use H's email addy. I thought that if the coach was speaking directly to H, H would be more involved.
Well, I shot myself in the foot on this one, because now I do not get any emails from the coach. I have emailed the coach and asked him to send it to my email address, but he has not. So H is still getting all the emails.
Well, the fields changed, the times changed and the colors my S should wear to practice changed, so my dearest jerk face (I mean H) forwarded me the emails yesterday.
So far so good. I did not break my NC rule. However... Finally after I dropped S off at practice, I broke the rule and sent him a quick thank you. (Thanks for forwarding the emails, I was able to get S to the right field, at the right time, in the right colors)
That is when I completely forgot that H is supposed to pick S up every Wednesday. It is understandable that I forgot. He only actually ever picked him up once. Every other Wednesday he had an excuse...
So he sent me a text back saying he was on his way to pick up S from practice. (practice is an hour and our text messages took about that long).
Without thinking about what the heck I was doing, I texted him back "I can grab him, I am already in the car."
I am an idiot... Finally my H is set to help with a kid and NOOOO i have to go and offer.
Of Course the jerk face took me up on my offer.
OK, so that was totally my fault, but he could have said "Mona, I never get to see S as it is, I will be happy to pick him up..."
It is all good because the text messages ended very pleasantly. It looks like I am up to at the minimum, 3 good things since my last bad thing to him. So I cant complain.
Now today, I deserve a 2 x 4, one with a rusty nail if you have one.
The last time he left, I snooped in EVERYTHING. I constantly was checking up on him. And that was not so easy, seeing he moved to another state!
But I gave myself OCEANS of pain by snooping. I think snooping is the single worst thing anyone here can do. It never solves anything, what they are doing does not matter, and we are always left in pain.
But my mother told me my H was looking for an apartment and will move out soon. It made me chuckle, because his credit is horrid. Then I snooped. I am so stupid. I went to credit karma and saw his report. Yep, it is still bad. But then I saw that less than 30 days ago he took out a loan for a few thousand!
I am posting here, and not yelling at him. Because I have not received a penny in support. Not one penny. His children could use a loaf of freaking bread...
THIS IS WHY YOU DONT SNOOP!
Anyway. It sticks, nothing i can do but move on. I am having a great day at work! I lost weight. Me and the kids found the cutest little house for sale. All is good, no need to go mental.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Hi Mona just want to check in and say hello. Your struggles are not unusual. I been there done that. Just try to do the right thing each and everyday. That's all you can do. Be well
I am going out again tonight and I have the sexiest outfit on, so I feel pretty fantastic. 2 guys I do not know have already started conversations with me today.
I get pangs wishing it were my H seeing me and saying things to me, but it is not.
My D16 will be D17 on Sunday
I do not have any plans yet for her. And now I need to untangle separate parents. I am pretty sure he will not even contact us on Sunday, and I really dont want to be the one to ask him if he plans on seeing his D for her bday.
Because I do not want to deal with it, I think I will just choose to step away. She is will be 17 and he is an adult. I see no reason why I have to coordinate their contact or their lives.
I have a big party planned for her next Sunday. All the invites were sent. It is a 2 part party. The first part is the party at Escape Room. It is this place where you go and they lock you in a room for exactly 1 hour. You are supposed to find and follow the clues to find a way to escape from the locked room. At the end of the hour, they unlock the door and let you out if you have not figured it out, but they will not tell you what you did wrong.
H is not invited to that. I could only get 10 spots and me, D17 and D15 already take up three.
Once that is done, the whole party will be moved down the road a piece to Pizza Hut. He is invited to that part. Honestly though, I doubt he will show.
We had a traumatic night last night. Like a good parent (**cough, yes I am talking about myself**) I decided to take my kids to get their flu shot last night. Read my signature, you will see I have no small children. My Goodness! D15 cried for an hour. S11 complained all night that he could not lift his arm because he was so soar.
Like a good parent, every time he complained it hurt, I poked his arm
lightly... calm down people, I don't hurt my kids
My D15 was so upset I actually bought her a pack of gel pens for $3.00 to make her feel better. I have not done something like that in 10 years.
My D16 was the only one where the shot bled, like a lot, 2 bandaids worth. But she was a champ.
Tomorrow is a big parade in the town I work in. I volunteer every year. 2 years ago I forced my D16 to do it with me. We just pass out candy along the parade route. It is a long, long, long walk, but it is good to get out and see the community.
Last year I forced my D16 and my D15 to do it with me. D16 hates it, D15 loves it. I cannot leave my S11 home alone for that many hours and I have no one to take him to his soccer game so this year he is being forced to volunteer as well.
So I did not exercise at all today. I wore high heeled black boots to work, so I can't easily take a long walk, and I will be dancing all night and walking all day tomorrow. So I am going to sit on my bum all day today at work. And taking one day off an exercise is not going to kill me. I am only trying to rationalize to myself here...
There are 2 great parts of the parade day each year. First, after the parade is a big gourmet dinner for all of the volunteers. The food is outstanding. And I am really going to make an effort this year to kind of mingle with the other people on campus (the dinner is at the university). Yes, me... mingling(gulp).
The second great thing, and it is a really really great thing, is the nap. We are always so full and completely exhausted after the parade that the greatest nap in the whole world follows. This year my very active son will be just as tired as the rest of us and our nap will not be ruined. I just cannot wait for the nap!
I hope you all are planning a jam-packed weekend! Do let let me come on here Monday and hear any of you had been moping around!
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
My kids always got volunteered along with me. It was good for them. Now, they remember it all fondly, but I clearly recall more grumbling at the time than they choose to remember.
123mich, yep, still feeling pretty crappy about what I found out.
mutatio, I did exactly that and had a great weekend.
Judy, the middle and youngest had a ball, even though they were volunteered. The oldest grumbled and complained the entire time. Hours straight of complaining. Finally I had enough and told her next year she was not invited. Me and the other 2 are doing it without her from now on. She acted like I slapped her. "No mommy, I want to go, please?" OMG...
------------------------------------------------------- Friday night I went out and had a blast again. The band was not so loud, so the whole gang were talking and laughing the whole time. I just met these people and most are over 20 years older than me,but a few are my ago. But I feel like I have been part of the group for years.
We went to breakfast after, and one of the guys picked up the tab for the entire table! (yes, free food makes me happy, lol)
I asked a friend to take our picture and wounded up with the absolute best picture of me and my mother I ever had.
Then, Saturday morn, I woke the kids up before the sun and we went to volunteer at a parade, so we had to walk the parade route. There were a ton of people I know sitting along the road watching the parade so it was great. I had fun almost the entire time.
I posted my Friday and Saturday picts on facebook and my niece and one of my old friends found out I was actually out, and this friday they want to go out with me. I stopped going out since getting married and becoming a mom, so they were kinda shocked. Now that I know they are coming, I am so excited about this friday!
Sunday I got some rather shocking news. It seems my mother and her new boyfriend are moving faster than anyone expected... She has known him for 2 months and she is planning to move in with him.
She told me if I did not want to move into the house, she was going to rent it out to a stranger.
Currently, we live in the middle of the city in a run down, crappy house we rent. The neighbors are horrid and we have been robbed more than a lot.
My mother lives in the suburbs and there is actual grass in the front and back yards! We have a patch of grass smaller than my car in the front and no grass in the back at all. Currently we park on city streets, which means tickets for street cleaning. When it snows we have to dig a spot, and place a chair in our spot when we go to work so that hopefully we have a spot when we come home from work. It is horrid. The neighbors are constantly juts sitting on their porches, day and night, along the entire street. It makes me so uncomfortable to have people watching me every singe time I leave or come home. Our windows have been broken and the neighbor kids have drew on our house with permanent marker. The first day I moved in a little 4 year old was walking this tiny fluffy dog in front of our home. Around the corner came this 6 year old with this pit bull. The small children could not control either dog and before I knew it the pit bull had the other dog. I ran over and tried to pull the pit bull off the other dog, but I was too late. However, at that exact moment, my neighbor, whom I have never met before came out of the front door. She owned the small white dog. I had the pit bull in my hands, and her poor doggie did not make it. She started screaming at me how I was going to pay for her dog, and on and on. I finally calmed her down enough to tell her I did not own the pit bull, but she has been uncomfortable ever since. We all hate living where we live. I could move out right now if I wanted to, now that mom is moving. EXCEPT, jerk face moved in with my mom. So now I have to wait until he moves out. The kids and I living in a normal house will go far in fixing issues we had in our marriage.
The day he moves out of her house, I will have completely fixes the 2 items I know I need to fix. Neither of these problems are my fault and it is not fair I have to fix them. So i have to keep telling myself, do i want to be fair and right, or married? Seriously, now that I kicked him out, he finally got a full time job, but if he only would have worked while he lived here we could have moved years ago...
After a great Friday, Saturday and the good news Sunday, I crashed down real far again last night. My S came in my room and gave me a hug and I just started crying all over the poor boy. I have cried in private since he left, but I have not cried much about the actual separation. I cried when I could not hang a stupid painting, but last night I just bawled because i flat out juts missed my husband.
I see so much good happening and I am alone and it was so sad. So again I am trying to get back on even ground.
Last edited by Mona52; 10/26/1502:29 PM.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
