He is saying HE doesn't care for other people's feelings. You do, that's why he chose you mainly because that's projection of how he feels about others.
My WH used to say "you are not a 'we' person, I told you the only thing I didn't want was to be alone'. Actually everyone tells me I am one of the most we people we know. He also said "V you are the most selfish person in the world". What he is say is "I am the most selfish, I am not a we person".
Your WH says these things he is telling you how he is.
That is why you need boundaries and goals. -------------- One tip I use is to put my goals on coloured index cards. Write them on there. Then in pencil write the importance of the goal from 1 to 10. 10 is highest.
Then I put the goals in order and use a treasury tag to put them together. I use a storage box for my old goal cards and ones not for this month. I only carry my active goals around. In a clear pencil case. I also journal.
That way I can shuffle them. I takle the top 5 then after one month I tackle the next 5 etc. I rate my performance on every goal 1 to 10. Anything over a 7 is a hit. If I haven't scored over a 7 the goal stays in the pile. Next month I rate all my goals again anything over 7 comes out anything under goes back in. I again aim to tackle my top 5 goals.
Also I have a second diary in which the night before I plan my next day, cross off the current day. I add the things that reach my goals. For instance I had a goal of healthy eating, I joined an eating trial at the diabetic clinic, priority 10, for one month I followed the plan, so my diary contained the info for the eating plan for the next day. I hit my goal bullseye for the month so the cards for healthy eating were pulled. If it drops below 7 they go back in.
If you look on my thread you will see my Fins were priority 10 (still are) and I listed my actions.
Goal: I write my books up monthly and they are up to date. Alol clients are invoiced regularly and matters are up to date. PRIORITY 10 current score 5
So the card stays in and every night I list an action for the next day. On Saturdays and Sundays my Fins are almost all I do. When the score is 7 then the cards are removed from my index deck. If I fail my goal then it goes back in. The coloured index cards mean that I can identify my goal type blue for business, pink for health and beauty, low priority goals are on white cards, green for food etc.....
Note I say when not if!
For instance one of my goals was "I have beautiful feet and they are manicured" I book my chiropody every 6 weeks, use a foot cream and starting this month will have polish" so the goal will be 10, the pink card will come out of the deck.
That's how I do it, I am considered very driven, a high achiever and I am. I achieve my goals but not not all at once! Even V tackles a few at a time. Otherwise my index deck would be here to the front door. Too much.
I also keep my goal score on anew excel spreadsheet and thus I can see my progress. So my eating healthy score has gone from a 2 in August to an 8 in October. It's now automatic, if it slips below a 7 then back in the pack. It's a priority 10 to eat healthily.
So what do you do if all things are priority 10? You talk to someone about your goals and get feedback to ensure they aren't, then use a 1 to 100, if that doesn't work 1 to 1000!
That's how I do it.
Some goals once achieved never go back in for example I have visited the Northern Lights, it fitted with my adventure goal for the year 2001. Yes, I have 2 adventure goals for every year. This year they are priority 4, but most years 9. In 2013, I sky dived and took a double decker bus down a skid pan. In 2008, I abseiled a building and ran a mini marathon. In 2003 I did the London triathlon. Next year, I want to do a gan and start to travel, I want to go dance in Cuba. I would also like to do the carnival in Rio but that may be 2018, so its a goal priority 1. Indexed but not in my high priority stack on my treasury tag. Etc.......
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 10/21/1507:52 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hi V. Wow V. Very informative and detailed. This will help me. Thank you!! OK my homework for the next few nights will be to sit down and list my goals. I will start a new thread then listing my goals. Thank you so much....huggsss
Last edited by overcom; 10/21/1502:14 PM.
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Last edited by Cadet; 11/13/1505:12 AM. Reason: Link
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
