A few of my friends think I'm crazy to want him back. Idk maybe I am. I had a good day today. My S5 went to my brothers house for a sleep over and D2 stayed with my mom I went and got a hair cut and highlights. Then came home and went for a 30 min walk with our babies. I miss my s. I feel incomplete when he's not home. Idk imagine ever walking out on my kids and not being with them all night. Idk how walk away spouses do it. Idk
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
O, Idk what is going on in their minds either. My H is taking a job which will be 100% travel for 6 months. He will miss Christmas and everything leading up to it, our D's 15th birthday, the entire winter with sledding and snowball fights, cozy nights by the fireplace, the kids basketball season, Easter, school concerts, the list goes on and on. Doesn't even phase him at all. Meanwhile, I miss them like crazy if I miss a day, or even only part of a day. I don't get it at all. He is so disconnected from our kids that I don't think it will even make a difference to them, how sad is that?
So h and ow broke up (for now) amd he's been coming home. Sleeping on couch. But he's been doing this new thing. He keeps saying it is boring. I'm boring... what can I do at 230 am... when the kids are sleeping. Last night he didn't come home. He went casino. And then he whines about not having any money. Whatever. I know I'm not boring. Yesterday was another busy day. Me day and then nieces bday party. Ugh it's monday... work work work...
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
O, he is restless because he is cut off from OW, has to get his "high" somehow. Remember, an A is like an addiction, he is an addict right now, seeking a fix. Please stay out of his way and keep yourself and your children safe emotionally and physically. He is not thinking clearly and you cannot do anything right now for him, he has to work this out on his own. Can he stay with his mother or maybe a brother or someone right now?
I am totally staying out of his way. I can't handle his attitude ugh pissing me off. I want to yell at him, your a grown ass Mann. Grow up!!! Did you think you'd marry a druggie. Come on now. Ya he can but he wont. He is acting like a teenager. Like seriously who is this guy. Grosses me out to see him like this. He didn't show any emotions towards me and our d. But I guess that was a given...
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Hey is so bitter. We were talking about ppl changing and hes like some ppl won't change their skin color but He's like he's changed. I said how so, he said I don't care anymore. I said you don't care about me he said no why should I. I said if I died tomorrow you wouldn't care. I said watch what you say and walked away. I know it was wrong but it came out. He says I haven't changed and said I know I have and that's all that matters.
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Hello overcom, I am not yet up to speed with your sitch what I can see though is you've been through and are going through some tough times, yet you are dealing with them incredibly well. You've also been getting some really good advice and support from others on this forum that has undoubtedly helped you.
What I see of your H is he's a mr nice guy (being a reforming one I can spot them a mile off) who got disillusioned with his life and rather than dealing with it went AWOL thinking it would make him feel better and it doesn't.
You've said that he's back in the house and the OW is history (which is potentially a good thing), although even when he wasn't you seemed to spend a lot of time being aware of what he was doing, you focussed on him and his antics that in some small way may seem to him like pursuing.
What brought me over here initially was your saying on Photoka's thread that you are finding it difficult to set or write down goals, why do you think that is? Is it about the correct wording? Getting them to cover the right areas? Or are you a bit scared of them because you might not achieve them? The last one is very common and something I used to experience.
Given where you are in your sitch it's probably time to get your head into your goals and a plan that will give you a new focus and will in many ways make your life that little bit easier.
Have you picked up the DR book recently? If not, start at the beginning and work you way through to the goal setting section, these are the fundamentals and are in many ways the key to DB'ing.
Once you've done that post questions that come up and there are many here who can help you to start moving in the right direction. There are many different ways to tackle the goals and plans subject and once you've discovered the best way for you, it'll become a pleasure and something you'll really enjoy as you'll be growing.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
