Dealing with WW, Kids, and Divorce 2

[Drew]

Shouldn't it brought up in front of the judge and catch WW and her attorney off guard. Thoughts?

Depends. What do you hope to gain by doing that? In my state, "marital misconduct" affects nothing. You're usually better off using the information as leverage for it NOT to come out in court.

[WhyUs]

The attorney I spoke to said that he did not think it was a good idea to go in front of the judge regarding the custody order. He said they are rarely very changed and the court will likely be irritated. He did suggest that my attorney formally request the temporary order be changed to give me first right of refusal when WW is out of town. If they deny the request we will have it in writing. I spoke to my attorney and he as agreed to do this.

And guess what, WW is out of town again this weekend and the children are with the grandparents. I had no idea. I asked my attorney if I could go get them. He said no, that even though they do not have custody rights, they were left in the care of the grandparents by the mother who does have custody rights.

[WhyUs]

Drew,

In my state adultery affects alimony. My attorney feels it will be best to hold the PA close to our vest and use it as negotiation leverage. If we go to trial it will be exposed, something she does not want.

[Vanilla]

Why

There are things to keep close to your chest, but if WW is in PA then the court needs to know. It a fault state.

New L and more activity. Including evidence.

You have the knowledge and the high IQ, there are also Ds in this that are vulnerable.

Time for action.

V

[WhyUs]

I spoke to another L this weekend about the sitch and I was also able to speak to my L. The other L said that the same thing regarding custody. He said that he would not go in front of the judge regarding the temp order. However, he did say that he would try to have he order amended to give me first right of refusal when WW is out of town.

My L has agreed to do this.

[WhyUs]

I have been reading "Love Must Be Tough" this weekend. I am about halfway through the book. The more I read the more I think I need to expose to everyone that the A has turned physical. WW needs to face the consequences of her decisions.

I also did some other reading and have come to the conclusion that I am still in denial. I have to accept that this divorce is going to happen. I think it is the only way that I can get mentally healthy and stop obsessing over how to fix this. I have to take the necessary steps to accept the situation. I am not sure how I do it.

[Drew]

You might want to read up on the Stocksdale Paradox. The short version is that you can remain optimistic about the final outcome, however you have to be realistic and deal with the reality of the situation today.

[WhyUs]

Okay. I will give that a look.

[WhyUs]

Drew, I love this and it is so true.

“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end – which you can never afford to lose – with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

[fade]

I really dont like the advice you are getting. I would search specifically for a father's rights attorney and get a third opinion. Dont start off telling them what your attorney said. They will prioritize their professional relationship with other attorneys and will just echo what you have been told rather than stir things up.

At a minimum go for RFR. BUt even if you dont have written RFR, I have never seen a situation where the courts or police are going to prevent a father from watching his kids when they are in the care of a non custodian.

ALso, keeping her affair a secret as some sort of court house surprise is idiotic and will most likely backfire on you. Talk about a way to tick off a judge and deflect from the real issues - custody and money. You dont want to spend court time trying to stir up dramatics proving an affair. You need to spend your time and effort in court getting a better custody agreement. The affair needs to be accepted common knowledge before the next proceedings. "Everyone knows about it, here is the proof, no room for debate, no alimony. Done. Now lets talk about the kids and the mortgage".


So, you need to make her affair common knowledge immediately. Starting with your inlaws, because they are the ones caring for your children while she conducts her affair. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with them, but be prepared that they have surely heard all kinds of horror stories about you by now. They may even know that your WW has a "new boyfriend".

Bring simple, compelling, court-allowable evidence that this is an affair and precipitated this entire situation. And then keep you message on point - the marriage is over, you accept the divorce, she is free to go, but you need fair time with your kids and cant keep paying all of the joint expenses alone. You feel that you are being forced out of your children's lives. This is not good for you or the kids. The best thing is for them to have a strong relationship with both parents and joint custody is the way to do that. Tell them you want to watch your kids this weekend while your WW is away with her affair partner.

You wont get their support. You dont need it. But your WW does. And she cant continue with primary custody, zero financial responsibility and keep her affair without their help.