Sweetie, I'm so sorry. I miss mine, too. I don't know what kind of unhappiness they must have hiding under the surface. It's something, though. So many formerly stable, reliable people suddenly acting like they've lost their minds.
Your situation is really painful, because your H obviously is still really fond of you. That makes it all the more puzzling that he's been lured in by OW.
Is there any possibility he also uses drugs? Not like her, but enough that he feels like he's letting out his "wild side" when he's with her?
What I find really heartbreaking for you is how young your kids are. I cannot fathom a man who leaves his wife alone with small children to raise. What on earth? Did he want children?
I'm not even sure if knowing why would help.
How are you doing with goals, PMA, and working on you? I know GAL is rough with little ones...can you take them on walks or something to get you out and about?
I've always thought about if he uses too but I don't think so. Idk tho.. Yes we waited 3.5 yrs to have our first. Within the first 3 yrs we did everything. We were so spontaneous, adventurous then we decided to have a baby then we did everything with him. Then 3 yrs later we decided the 2nd one. I don't know where it went wrong... I'm working on it. Some goals were broken some have been ongoing. Detaching is ok... sone days harder then the other. The kids and I do stuff together all the time. .
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
So do I with my H, but I transfer that needs of cuddles and kisses to my kids as they need it. Silly enough I still have my teddy when I was a child and I fall asleep with it, sad for a 40 yr old woman but if it brings me comfort so be it :-)!
Rouky believe it or not there is a technique that uses Teddy Bears for self soothing!
//prosperityplace.com/teddy-bear-therapy/
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V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Actually it seems to me that in some switches the LBS is perfectly OK, all this DB to improve us is great, welcoming and developmental. It can distract from the fact that there wasn't much wrono in the first place.
Overcom, I see little wrong with you, sure we can all do better, yes we can improve, lose weight, get fitter, improve our communication skills sets etc, etc, etc. Take this time to grow and develop ourselves. Make lemonade from the lemons in our lives.
This WH has gone wayward because of his biochemistry, because he can, because he is addicted. The reasons are his, and his alone. It's unreasonable and awful to abandon your family for selfish ways. But he has,my concern is you and your wonderful children. To support you through this crisis period so whatever comes in your life you are resilient. Resilience and independence is the big lesson to learn so you are secure and vulnerable at the same time.
My view on cheaters is straight to the core, cheaters are more likely to cheat again, once they cross the divide they can do so again. It is a mind set of cheaters. Each time gets easier. That's why it may be important to have a boundary on it, mine is "cheat and it's over". There are consequences to cheating and I am not going to be with a cheater.
Cheaters cheat, a mindset, they can cheat on anything, fins, games, life, shortchanging those around them.
So, if WH ever wants back in, and you decide "yes" then it's big boundary time on the cheating. A decision on trust, can you trust? This WH is clearly untrustworthy, but would a new version WH be trustworthy?
Just my view
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 10/17/1508:54 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I don't know about once a cheater always a cheat as I think at the end of the day is down to your beliefs! Do you think you'll trust him again? Would you be likely to bring it back when you argue? If he has been able to do it once, what stops him to do it again?
Even I, I can't answer those questions for myself, and I'm trying to save my mariage with someone who has cheated on me for 2 years!
I believe with time you'll be as to decide if once a cheat always a cheat, and if he shows true commitment to save your mariage then you might be able to answer your questions
I think if someone is truly remorseful, and seeks help for the issues which lead up to the cheating, and works on those issues, there is a possibility they can be trusted again. But if you let him off the hook easily, without doing the work on himself, then yes, the likelihood of him cheating again is very high.
O, please be strong and know you are worthy of the love of a good man, who is strong and emotionally healthy and has already done the work on himself. You are worth it.
I don't think for a long time I'd be able to trust him. Especially since I've always had trust issues this is just gonna make it harder. When his phone rings I panic it's her, even tho he says they broke up. He's been a little but more transparent with me even without realizing it. Anytime his phone rings I wait to see if Hell answer or reject it or if the text comes in to see his reaction. This has stuck with me forever, when we woukd come home late every 5 mins I'd ask if he's ok or if he wants me to drive and once he said don't look at me look at the road. If I swerve then we'll switch and that cut us from arguing or fighting. So I use that method towards other things he does...
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
