wow, mind is blown 8

[Uphill]

Tonight's drop off was either a big ole temp check or XF was in a really good mood? Either way it doesn't matter but I did see the "old" XF that everybody misses. She joked and laughed. Asked a few questions about S4 which I abruptly and solidly said no to (asked about leaving him with somebody I don't approve of for a few hours. Also about giving him a style change, he's a kid, no reason to force a new haircut and attire on him. Let him be himself!). Even after that she did give me a weird look like, wow that was quick, but also joked around more right after. Just getting this all out of my head...

[asitis]

I'd just look at the depression, esp. given earlier struggles, as part of sitch. Just recognize that she's struggling, and that not all of her struggles have to do with you. Extend a bit of compassion without being condescending or trying to fix. Listen and validate if she opens up, but don't offer suggestions.

The happy pills could be a situational anti-anxiety med (take when needed rather than treat chronic anxiety), and just knowing they were there helped her get through that stage. I've seen it in others. I'm struggling, but now that I know I have this to fall back on, I can handle it. Very common.

Don't read anything into her behavior at hand off. It is patterns, and until she starts consistently acting in a certain way it is just the flux of a stressful life and coping w/ a difficult situation and changing feelings. Who knows what it means until it coalesces into a pattern of behavior.

[Uphill]

As, I appriciate your insight and really respect your opinion! I will clarify a little on both those things to help you see where my head was when I wrote them.

The paperwork was with the AD prescription. It said in the first paragraph that pills must be taken daily for up to 3 weeks before results will be seen. So with reading that it wouldn't be an "as needed" thing. It also said further down the paper, Doctor X recommends IC to help XF work through past. It doesn't matter but just raised a few thoughts when I saw it.

As far as interactions with XF, I journal on here so I ca look back and find patterns later. Also I don't like getting on here only when it's all bad so I put some of my feel good stuff out there too. I tend to post here if it is good or bad interactions. I let the neutral ones out, that way say a month from now I can scroll back and count up good vs bad. If nothing is there it was neither... Make sense?

With that said, I do think I may be starting to see a slight shift but nothing major or noteworthy yet. The pleasant XF has been peeking around the corner more often lately, but still gets clouded on other days.

[Uphill]

This is a weird question but I'm looking for some insight before the time comes.

I was looking over my calendar last night and saw we have an overnight doctors appointment for s4 coming up in a few weeks. A sleep study... I was wondering how to handle this? I want nothing more than to be there for him, but I don't know if it's a good idea to be around XF for an overnight? I think it's like 12 hours or so. I realize that it could be a good opportunity to "bond" or just spend some time as a family but I feel either my emotions or hers could get the best of us being in the same room so long? I'm just a little torn as to how to go about this...

[Sotto]

Hi Uphill, I would think agreeing which one of you is going to stay with him overnight is probably the best way to go...

[Uphill]

That's what I was honestly thinking also ditto, the problem with that is bringing up one of us staying will leave me out right from the start. His appointments are where she has always tried to play "super mom". Even before all this stuff started it was that way. She would sit a home on Facebook ignoring him all day and then put on her cape and go to the appointments and act like she spent 30 hours a day with him?

[Azzork]

Whose night is the appt on?

I think for your own benefit, it may be best to not spend that long together.

[Uphill]

I have to look at the calendar when I get home to see who's day it actually is Az.

I have no idea why but today has been one of my darkest in months... I cannot concentrate on anything, mind spinning and just plain struggling to keep myself held together and not breaking down into tears... I thought I was past this. Feels like BD all over again?

[Uphill]

I've got to share this, even though it has nothing to do with DBing... It gave me a good chuckle.

I'm standing in line at a mini market and left a guy go in front of me to pay. Now this guy had a hand full of zig zag papers and looked identical to the picture on the pack. Nice guy none the less, thanked me and smiled when I left him go. He had 8 packs of these things and I thought to myself, "boy he has an eventful day ahead of him!" Haha. His total was $7.97, handed the cashier a $20 and told her to keep the change. He turned and walked out. The cashier looked at me and said "I think he got too many of them, he is already high as a kite! He just left me over 12 bucks." I replied yeah maybe he didn't need that many more and we both had a good laugh.

[Uphill]

Had a pretty productive, busy weekend.

S4 and myself had a bunch of friends over Friday night. Saturday he went to XF's place and I got a bunch of stuff done around the house. Had a friend stop by in the afternoon (who is in a tough spot in his marriage) he hung out for a while "comparing notes". Later in the evening I went out for a few drinks and ran into a few other friends who helped me waste the rest of the day haha.

Today I got some more housework done, went for groceries and now I'm gonna get some laundry put away and relax for the evening watching some football.

I get S4 back tomorrow and I'm super excited to show him the Halloween costume I got him today!