Good for you. I was the stick-in-the mud who never felt the need to socialize much. The S has changed my attitude on this. So, I understand both drives. Maybe his having to get his own life together might lead to some healthier changes if you ever reconcile.
And, if he never gets his sh*t together, you'll still be in a much better place.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Tomorrow we have our joint meeting about finances. I am really nervous about it. I know that I will stay calm and that my L has my back but I just never know what to expect from these meetings.
I posted a week ago, I think, that H was ignoring me and also being nice, I have learned this pattern usually means he has done something he feels guilty about and/or he did something behind my back. I couldn't shake the feeling there is going to be a knife in my back soon. Today I got an email from my L finally getting his draft of his financial affidavit. Bingo! He is not being truthful on there at all and it makes it look like I should give him money. He makes more than 30% than me. Nope. He didn't even list one of his retirement accounts and surprise to me, his credit card bill has tripled since I last saw the balance. I am really not sure how this meeting is going to go but I do not expect it to be pleasant. YIKES!
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
Ep, I know you didn't want to pay for a financial consultant, but......it might be worth it? I know what the rates are in Miami, not sure where you are, but if you dropped a few $K on a consultant wouldn't that be worth it to know you are seeing all the assets? At least there would only be one consultant since you are collaborative. Are you splitting the fees 50/50?
Hey Sunny - thanks. I am not paying a dime for this divorce, I negotiated that he has to pay my lawyer's bill too and the consultants. I am sure my parents would give me the money if I wanted to hire a financial consultant. Depending on how tomorrow goes during the meeting I may need to say that I want to bring one on board.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
I am not paying a dime for this divorce, I negotiated that he has to pay my lawyer's bill too and the consultants.
I'm in the same boat. In the first collaborative meeting I said, "you want it, you pay for it." He agreed, much to his L's dismay. Too bad. In this case, honey, I'd ask for that forensic accountant tomorrow. You have good cause, I don't think anyone would argue with you. Please take care of yourself.
Tomorrow we have our joint meeting about finances. I am really nervous about it. I know that I will stay calm and that my L has my back but I just never know what to expect from these meetings.
I posted a week ago, I think, that H was ignoring me and also being nice, I have learned this pattern usually means he has done something he feels guilty about and/or he did something behind my back. I couldn't shake the feeling there is going to be a knife in my back soon. Today I got an email from my L finally getting his draft of his financial affidavit. Bingo! He is not being truthful on there at all and it makes it look like I should give him money. He makes more than 30% than me. Nope. He didn't even list one of his retirement accounts and surprise to me, his credit card bill has tripled since I last saw the balance. I am really not sure how this meeting is going to go but I do not expect it to be pleasant. YIKES!
A couple of things:
Firstly D, fins are really not fun, if they were then I may be concerned for your mental state!!
Secondly, if your intuition is telling you WH is being deceptive then trust that. The best advice is to ask for a forensic not a general and want openness, be prepared to give this too.
In your sitch and in front of both Ls the question to ask naively is "please confirm that you are disclosing all of the assets that existed when we S"
If WH says yes and he lies then it's a breach a contempt of court, his L will tell him that's jail time and a record for both of them, if he says no then you defer to your L. Don't forget pension assets.
You have this.
Breathe relax, easy, listen watch, if needs be ask for this to be recorded so you can both review it later on.....
B
Last edited by Vanilla; 10/13/1501:03 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
If the petition states net income then a common trick is to pay a pension premium, it shows up as a deduction (reducing income) but won't appear in the assets as it may not be invested and the statement is annual.
In this way the employer or accountant agrees the income quite legit and especially if the pens fund is purchase fund it has little value. I had a clients WH lose 500k this way.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 10/13/1501:12 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Be aware WH may have sacrificed salary for benefits, his gross salary can also be less as his employer (which can also be his own company) has received a contribution, or he has bought shares in his employer or lent them cash. It is called salary sacrifice.
Ep take a copy of this post with you, then stop thinking about it. Be free, alive and awake as you got this. When unsure say I will consider it.
If problematic V and WhyUs have a very secret thread on fins in D. Just drift to my thread.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 10/13/1501:44 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
