I hope W isn't lying, but yiu are usually right, sandi.
OM is getting a new phone supposedly Tomorrow or Tuesday, so we will see if the phone calls start again. That will answer my question. If they talk again, M is over for now. If not, maybe she is working towards R.
I hope W isn't lying, but yiu are usually right, sandi.
OM is getting a new phone supposedly Tomorrow or Tuesday, so we will see if the phone calls start again. That will answer my question. If they talk again, M is over for now. If not, maybe she is working towards R.
Your hope is the problem. You are so eager to believe she's your W that you will squint at the reality to try to twist the bs she's spewing into the truth. The easiest people to con are people that want to believe the con. You can't afford to buy this.
Look, if she was genuinely done with the affair, feeling remorseful, and ready to recommit to the M...she would be eager to prove it to you, would understand your skepticism, and would be willing to earn your trust back little by little.
I'd like to see you write out clear next steps of what you will do when you don't see the proof you're looking for in the next 48 hours. I haven't read every update, but it seems like you've been playing this game for way too long now. At what point are you going to do something else? What will that look like? When will you do it?
Hang in, I know it isn't easy, but even a difficult reality is easier than a pleasant fiction.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
My friend, as of lately I've been reading a lot of literature based on Stoicism, and one of my favorites is "The Obstacle is the way" as well as "Meditations". In the reading I have come across the three disciplines which one should try to apply to every obstacle or pain being encountered. They are:
1. Perception - and our ability to change it, look at something objectively, without applying emotions to it. (if you were looking at this as a friend, what would you advice your friend in this situation?)
2. Actions - our ability to take the needed actions to work through our obstacle or adversity (What can you do to turn this around? Remember her actions need to have consequences)
3. Will - Your inner power to continue when all seems dark (Believing in something higher than yourself also helps tremendously with your Will)
With that said, you are being lied to my friend, deep down you know it, and I believe you are still in the denial phase, which is find, it is normal, this is exactly where you need to be. I would urge you to take a walk and try to look at this objectively. There will never be a chance for R if she is talking to OM, you know this as well my friend.
One thing that I am noticing is that you know a lot about OM, how do you know he is getting a new phone? Are you having these conversations with her? If so, you need to stop this, you are not her BFF.
Keep working on yourself, stay focus (Follow One Course Until Success).
God Bless brother!
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
I'll think on that and get a list together for you all and myself and post it later tonight or in the morning.
Thanks for your replies EMMess, you always have some good tips.
As for how I know so much about OM, I refuse to talk to my W about OM. The only reason I know anything is because I snoop on the W's phone every morning. She doesn't know that I know her phone's password so she doesn't delete any messages, and the reality of what they talk about lately is a lot easier to see than what my mind would imagine if I didn't know.
My friend, take it from someone who has been there and still struggles with this. You are doing yourself more harm than good by snooping through her phone. My wife doesn't know I know hers as well, and as I write this it makes me sad, and makes me feel pathetic.
As much as I wish things weren't where they are, and that this is what she was doing, it doesn't change the fact that we are here, and these are her actions. I don't want to know what she is doing, I want to just move forward and be at peace and happy with my own life. No matter what I do, snoop, confront, she will do what she wants and my actions will only push her away. I am not saying accept what she does, there still needs to be a sense of boundaries and respect between you both but worry more about Sorgan than W.
Make a goal to not snoop on her phone in the am, to focus that energy on doing some meditation, doing push ups, or going for a power walk in the morning.
God Bless brother.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
Well, OM called last night... I went for a run and did some thinking to figure out what and how I wanted to phrase my words.
2 Hours later when she got off the phone with him I told her, in not so few words, that I won't do this again. I will not be her partner if she is going to talk to OM anymore. I told her I won't listen to talk about the future, I won't help her in the sense of a H, we would split the chores 50/50, and I wouldn't be her BFF, I would be her Coparent and nothing else if she kept talking to OM at all. I told her she had until Thursday to block him in Line, her game, and send him a No contact message or I would start acting this way and treat her answer as choosing OM.
Good for you! Curious as to why you gave her till Thursday to block him. Just FYI, whenever you give a WW a deadline, she will usually wait till the 11th hour to act (if she acts) on it.
So glad you told her about the no contact letter. Do not just accept her "word" that she ended things with OM.
Are you prepared to go the distance on your decision? Will you be able to live under the same roof while she conducts her A?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I gave her til Thursday because I didn't want to demand my W make the choice right there and come off like a jerk. Plus, i want her to make the choice she is sure of.
As for following through with the consequences, I kept them at a level I could follow through with, so it wouldn't be empty threats.
The only part I'm not sure about is living with W if she continues. I'll try to double up on my hobbies to distract myself, but it will be hard to focus on.
This right here my friend is great. I mean you are a completely different person than when you first started out here. It is great to hear that you took action.
Sandi has some great questions for you, and your answers are equally as good. I would suggest you think things a little bit more about living under the same roof as her. Do you pay the rent? Does she contribute? If I recall correctly she doesn't. You could ask her to leave, as she does not respect you, your feelings, and your family. Why should she have a free ride if she has made a decision not to be with you? Those are just my thoughts, I know it isn't easy, we don't want to push our wives out the door and this fear keeps us from regaining our self-respect most of the time.
Either way brother, you are doing great, keep it up. This is a stand that I hope you stay firm with.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
Plus, i want her to make the choice she is sure of.
This is difficult. Im not really sure what advice to give about this, but I dont know how she can be "sure" she is making the right decision either way. All she can do is look at whats in front of her and make a choice.
In any case, stay strong Sorgan. Im thinking of you.
