Had a good time at the haridresser, the last time H said my hair looked nice but not this time. I admit I was sad, as it would have been nice to hear a nice thing from him, but then again I should know not to have any expectation!
Started to read His needs, Her needs and my stomach was churning while I was ready the first few pages. Clearly not over the betrayal!
H came earlier to see kids and spent the day in the house while I was out. I'm fine with it. Now communication is to a bare minimum with H and I had to ask him about holidays and he said he couldn't have them for the coming ones. Also asked him about Xmas, he said he didn't know as he has nowhere to take them ( I thought to myself not my problem!)
It's a shame because I'm feeling better in myself, and think I'm still a good catch, but he doesn't seem to show any interest. I guess he is really done with our M! Now I'm hoping that my feelings for him will die, so I can enter a new relationship with a better knowledge on how to make it work!
I'm incline to think that I might leading towards acceptance. Not that strong Shotgun, just surviving each day one by one
Had a thought, it has been about two weeks that our conversation is very short, and about the kids. I feel that he is taking his distance, and don't really care to save M, despite him coming earlier this week to see kids.
The 180 says not to initiate conversation, I'm not too sure if I carry on what I'm doing: listening to him, validate the few things he tells me or initiate conversation.
Follow your heart or your head? I was tidying up paperwork last night and found the house sale agreement. Our contract finished 2 weeks ago (H and I thought we were under contract until Nov, and I asked a month ago H to give me Xmas break without having the house back on market. One part of me wants to put it back on the market with another estate agent as financially I'll be better off!
Another part says keep it quiet ( so it gives me a couple more months to work on R), and I'm afraid once the house is sold and we each have our place it is over for good and no chance of R. I think it's manipulating the situation.
Trying really hard to keep busy but still thinking about H a lot during the day! I'm finding hard the line between keeping faith and hope. I don't want to be hurt more than I'm already! Can't seem to let go! Help please :-(
Not much help from me, but all the sympathy you need! I'm in the same spot...afraid to hope, just want this pain over. But yet...
As far as the house, you've already agreed to not market during the holidays, so I don't see it as manipulation. I see where you might think that, but you've already discussed it. Just make the best choice for you. A R can still be repaired from two separate homes. H has to want to come back, though...so, if he weren't even in the picture, what would you do?
Thank you Anxaire for stoping by and giving me support. I'm feeling lost recently, I thought I was doing so well.
For the house I think I'll leave it as it is. The papers are in the house and H can ask to see them anytime he wants! Avanti keeps telling me that I should look at his actions: he isn't pushing for sale (so maybe a good sign, or maybe he feels guilty that his kids will have to move) but then again it also could be he isn't bothered and expects me to do it all for him.
I need to come to term that lately I have put the focus on H too much but hardly on me, this needs to change.
I just don't know how to interact with him when he comes round to see kids. I say Hi, I don't initiate conversation, keep myself busy and in another room when he is with kids, when he say something I try to validate, and thanks him for what he does. I don't know if I'm doing it right or wrong.
Hi Rouky. Hope you are having a great Monday. I think that there is no right or wrong in how you DB. What I admire is that you are fighting for your marriage. The legal issues make everything so much more difficult. I hope that you can do what is best for you when it comes to your house. Keep in mind that your relationship with your husband can always be repaired but he has to want it as badly as you do. I suspect that he can't decide what he wants and isn't being forced to. Keep working on being a great Rouky and know a lot of people are praying for you!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Not such a great day. Received a very sharp email from H regarding our dos deer daughter. When I read it it felt like he was accusing me of being a bad mother. He said that he had contacted our daughter's school. What annoys me the most is that he knew he would do that today after he spoke to daughter on Saturday! He could have mentioned it to me our of courtesy that he'd do that. Also we have always spoke about issues with girls, why suddenly sending me an email?
Could I have a masculine view on this one please. When the house is sold I'll have enough deposit to buy my own house, so the girls and I won't be homeless (FIL offered his house if we need to). So really H has no fear of us being homeless, so if he is trap for cash and with OW, surely he would want the house to be sold ASAP, so he could get his money and start his new life with OW!
He made it clear a month ago that it was over, so surely he doesn't want any more ties with me than just co-parenting the kids! I'm surprised he isn't pushing for sale!
H came earlier and left later,but there was hardly any interaction between us. I'm glad he is spending more time with the kids, on the other hand I wish he'd think about saving his M.
Eldest girls asked him if he could stay to eat and have a family meal together. He said maybe another time. I guess he didn't want to disappoint her! He stayed in other room while we ate and at one point eldest daughter asked me where he was so went to see him. He said that there was no point being with us while we are eating, so I asked him if he could walk the dog.
When he left I asked him about his competition over the weekend, but gave me the answer while he was walking away! (Here I'm trying something new as not , being more friendly). Funny he is coming earlier and leaving later, but he can't seem to be quick enough to leave once he has his shoes on.
I have got no idea if OW is back on the scene, but before he'd tell me that he is tired or talked a bit about his work, but now nothing. I'm tempted to ask him if he is back with her, because at least it'd mean that I could stop hoping for a reconciliation.
Shotgun, would you mind developing a bit your idea : " I suspect he can't decide what he wants and he isn't being forced to" that is the second part of your sentence that I'm a bit confused. Are you telling me that I'm soft, I'm allowing him to think that I'm plan B and will wait forever for him?
Am I silly to hope that I can save my marriage? Am I silly to wait for him? Am I silly to think that I don't deserve better, and would settle for a man who certainly doesn't love me, respect me?
