And give yourself permission to have regular 5 minute "you" breaks, not just one offs
The 5 minutes spent focussing on you will more than be made up for by the new energised more effective and efficient you.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Ancaire, I just wanted to say hi and let you know your doing fine work. Avanti has prescribed a healthy remedy for what ails you.
It seems to me that it takes time for natural organic change to occur between two people when things are in flux. After creating the new environmental/emotional conditions persons need time to adapt. You have adapted to his and he now must to yours. This takes time and as you know a watched pot never boils. I think "watching" creates stress and you don't need that.
Hi Ancaire, on the five minutes of nothing theme, I have found the calm app helpful. You can set it to 2,5,10 etc minutes for a guided meditation with background noise of rain on leaves, seashore and so on. It was free, but there are other packs you can unlock within the app for a price. I haven't done that though..
Hope this helps xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks, guys! Sotto, I have the Calm app, but haven't used it...Thanks for reminding me! Perfect solution.
Mutatio, until you pointed it out, I wasn't even aware I was doing it...I AM watching H! When did that happen?!?
I obviously have some expectations I think H should be meeting, and am disappointed that he's not. I did not realize that. I need to remind myself, no expectations...just let it be. Wow.
I realized I have no "in love" feelings for H either - just know I do care, but I'm really disappointed in what he allowed himself to become...probably the same way he feels about me. The sheer amount of work to be done looks immense. One day at a time, right?
I need to return to worrying only about me. I have lots I still want/need to do.
As always, thanks for the excellent advice. Where would I be without you guys? So thankful I don't have to know.
You should not worry about yourself. Worrying's best friend is anxiety and they go everywhere together.
You should focus your energy on the evolution of Ancaire. She is so worth it. Your husband will adapt or become extinct. Either way you will thrive and flourish.
I know for sure I can become even better. I realize now that I gave up on me long ago. I still don't appreciate the way my world was rocked, but am so completely grateful for the chance to really focus on me. It always seemed so selfish before...and look what it cost me by not doing anything.
Well, tonight is officially the worst night since all of this began. H and I had a talk. He confirmed I was right about the A, but wrong about the A partner. Apparently, it was quite intense and he is still suffering from the loss. He officially broke it off a week and a half ago.
I suspected, even knew on some level, but finding out for sure...I am slayed. I asked very few questions because I intend to put it behind us. He made me quite angry when he said the only reason he did it was because in his mind our M was over. I asked him if he was seriously going to justify the whole thing to me like that. He said all we were missing was a piece of paper from making it true.
I, of course, disagreed with that - but was able to let it go. Now, I'm going to have to be nice and patient with him while he recovers from the loss of his "true luv" while I am still his wife! I know all of us here have thought this more than once, but this entire situation stinks!!!
He left me. He's been assassinating me to anyone who would listen to him for several years now. He hurt our kids, our extended family, and mutual friends when he decided he'd be "happy" if only he could get rid of me.
Now, I have to forgive all that and let it go?!? I'm struggling tonight. I want to kick him out on his butt for doing this; but, he broke it off, he agreed to MC, and he's willing to give us a chance. He says he still cares about me. I wonder if that's enough?
I am aware I am feeling raw, and should not make any decisions while in this frame of mind. That's why I'm venting here. I am so hurt tonight...worse than at BD. The only thing different is the knowledge in my head and my commitment to my commitment. He doesn't want to let the kids know we're working on it in case it doesn't work out. I know they're confused right now....after all the divorce talk, nothing much is happening. At least now I know why he was so quick to file papers.
How am I ever supposed to let him touch me again? My stomach turns at the very thought. He admitted if I'd done the same, he wouldn't be able to forgive me - it would be over.
So, I'm supposed to be the forgiving one? He still brings up things I did that got us in trouble. I told him I was trying to lead by example - if I can forgive him, he needs to forgive me. In his opinion, my crime of being depressed and withdrawing from the world for years is far worse. I seriously am confused.
My problem is chemically based and complicated by lifestyle choices. HIS was a choice, period. I'm going to need to pray for hours - and I'm not even sure that is going to work.
On the plus side....we're still going to Retrouvaille at the end of the month, and we have our first MC session at the end of the month, too. If I can somehow find the strength to STFU and stay in the same room with him until then, we might have a fighting chance.
My patience is nearing its' end, though. He's been a controlling, abusive, butthead for years. I am not putting up with that for even one more second. I don't know, guys...I just don't know. We have such a mountain to climb from here.
Please, comment - hit me with a 2x4 if needed. I need some support tonight...I'm going out of my mind.
So sorry. When my H's A was confirmed it was the worst day of m3life. Be kind to yourself. These are all new, normal emotions to process.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
