I love your thread names Mutatio, you have so much wisdom in your words. My hope for you is that you also find salvation through understanding by the end of this thread.
Thank you for your continued support, and for sharing your wise words.
At any moment, our lives can change. We all learned this at BD, and we can all have it happen again only with something amazing.
Sending you strength Mutatio.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Thank you PigPen. The words are wise, not me. My IC has pointed out that I struggle with complements. I don't know how to manage them. I think she is correct. I am growing through my marriage difficulties but I struggle with simple human emotions.
Yesterday my wife said something that threw me for a loop. I have recovered from my emotional plunge into darkness. I realized after that in some ways I still need to do a lot of work.
My wife's silent treatment has allowed me to grow to accept and manage my life alone, without her actively in it. Yesterday when she mentioned what she had planned I got myself all twisted. I am not use to to her actively affecting me through words. I know the silent treatment is an active action but it slower, insidious in impact. I guess my defenses are set up for that kind of attack so words just get through. I also struggle with validating responses because there is so very little conversation between us. In some ways I am very far down the path and in other ways I feel like I just got of the train.
Vanilla I have not forgotten about you. Time to start on today's tasks.
I agree, I love the title of your threads. I am wishing you all the best, hop you find the understanding at the end of this thread.
I could see how that change in approach could have thrown you off. I will tell you validation is something that we all struggle with at the beginning. We are filled with so many emotions, and our S have the super power of knowing exactly how to impact us. The fact that she speaking to you could be taken in a positive way, and a learning opportunity. Time to practice validation my friend..
God Bless
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
Mutatio, wishing you a little less quiet in your life today. The sounds of laughter, music, a friend's voice, a crackling fire, wine pouring into the glass. Sounds of life being lived. My H is gone for 10 days and I plan to enjoy the mess and noise of life without the oppressive weight of his punishing silence.
I don't know what your wife said to send you into the emotional abyss, but I am glad you didn't stay there. Validation is important here, but doesn't come naturally, I feel like I am walking on ice, need to measure every step. I have learned that I don't have to be right, I don't even have to express my point of view. Why it took me this long I do not know. Maybe that is the lesson I needed to learn from this. (If it is, God- I got it! Lesson learned, please return my life now!)
Maybe you will get lucky and your W will go away on a business trip. I'm going to go out and make a little noise with my children today. Wishing you peace and virtual hugs. Have a good day, Mutatio.
I understand that feeling of being so far, and of just beginning at the same time. There is nothing wrong with that. What are the goals you are working on for you today?
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Yesterday my wife said something that threw me for a loop. I have recovered from my emotional plunge into darkness. I realized after that in some ways I still need to do a lot of work. .
You are asking a lot of yourself to expect to be impervious to your W's comments, it's the speed of recovery that changes plus also the understaniding that they aren't necessarily said to hurt you, they are often a result of some hurt that she is feeling but she is unable or unwilling to express directly.
Ask yourself now, what did she actually say and then what feeling caused her to say it? When you unmask the real villain (her feeling), it may make your pain a little harder to deal with. On the other hand, don't try to mind read, it'll get you know where, so dont spend too much time on it, move onto other more enjoyable and fulfilling tasks.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
The break will be good for you mutatio, enjoy it and keep your focus on your work and what is real, don't let those negative or doubting thoughts crowd in on you. Recognise if they are and act as you have been to get this far.
I will miss you and look forward to your update(s) when you are able, early next month.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
