WAS or what (2)

[Mowgli]

roiste,

I'm glad to hear that you are in a place where you are ready to move on. I know what being in limbo feels like; I'm there right now.

Enjoy the wedding and the sports! Enjoy time for you! Enjoy letting go and being emotionally free and available to the people around you!

I admire and respect you. Most would not fight the way you have fought, and that is something to hang your hat on.

Keep posting her and sty positive,

Mowgli

[roist]

I am still fighting, and would not say I am ready to move on. I am ready to move forward.

I still have my struggles and am not fully detached.I am lonely and sad, but I am determined to get through it. One way or another the other side will be a better place. And I will be a better man/father/son/friend etc.a better H too.

I aim to enjoy more stuff, but for now doing is a great start. Sometimes I amaze myself how normal I act whereas I am a mess in my head. Everyone has s£!t going on. It is important not to judge others, we don't know what they are going through. I always thought that but now I really know it.

I still need to improve focus at work and improve sleep quality.
A year in and I am tired, in all sences of being tired.

Anyone have an opinion on my upcoming anniversary?

[Zephyr]

Anyone have an opinion on my upcoming anniversary?

Hey roiste great stuff dude!!!!!
The work side, man I would not be surprised if I got fired - but somehow they still don't think poorly...they have given me some slack. Need to improve, yes!

Ok so the gift,
do you want to give her a gift because you feel obligated? That whiffs of fear to stir things.

Do you want to give her a gift to show her how much you still love her and want some kind of sign back from her? Classic pursuit.

If you want to give a token because you love her and you are just pleased to give out of the gesture because it is a symbol of the marriage you are standing for...then give it a whirl. I would not give it too her directly, leaving for her to find after you've left for work with a short handwritten note would be fine...no expectations on ANY reciprocation, ok?

[roist]

I don't want to give gift out of obligation or fear.

I don't expect it to change things and not for anything in return.

Since this started I note whenever she comments on stuff she likes, (not her hinting what she wants me to buy). A habit I will bring forward. So being one if my changes it feels a shame not to do it. It is nothing big or extravagant.

But part of me just does not want to give her anything at this stage. I don't have the time to explain my full spectrum of thinking but ye get the jist.

A year and a half ago, I had planned remarrying her on our 10th wedding anniversary or our 20th anniversary together. Obviously I have not been in a position to even mention that. Our 20th is next month. Sure we'll see whether it is M or D for our 10th!!!

[Zephyr]

Roiste, there is pain Herr that I get from your words. I understand. You do not need to justify your actions for gifts or anything else to anyone but yourself.

I think a recommitment ceremony is not a chance right now, that is sad, but it is a reality right now so please do not dwell on it as it is only taking energy away from your well being.

Something I have some that has helped me cope with the anger and resentment and disappointment in all of this is to write a letter to your wife of how you fwel, express your angry thoughts and all of your hurt. This will get printed out, put in an envelope and burned. She need not see it, it will not change her right now. But what it will do is help get sine if the absolute frustration out of your head. It will allow you to feel these feeling and actually express them in print. None else needs rk read this. The letters need to be destroyed as someone finding them could be bad right now...if you get my drift.

Time is always short, as long as you MAKE time for you, things will get better.

Thank you for sharing!

[roist]

Thanks Z,

I am not dwelling on the recomitment. I am closer to accepting the opposite.

Yes there is pain behind these words. I hope you did not take my reply harshly. I was not justifying just explaining my thinking.

Thank you for the tip.I may try it as I am at a place where I may be cone reckless with my emotions.Reckless as in I may just let them out regardless of consequences.

Firstly I am considering telling W and possibly friend that they are too close and: inappropriate. Compared to other situations their behaviour is less suspicious but still... I would like to truth dart this but not sure how.honestly they could be just friends but they are too close for comfort.advice sought.

I am also close to her parents and am sure they will not be happy if we split or if they knew our situation.I am tempted to open up to her dad, but I know I can't. Even if this goes worse, that will never be a good idea. I know not to do that.

I guess I am at a place where I will continue my 180's and other stuff started during this saga. But no longer expecting or hoping it will help. I am not done but I think my best course of action is to move forward. I hope to truly do that and manage to get to where I need to be regardless. I need better social network, I need better financial situation,i need to have fun and to be fun. And most important I need to be the best dad possible.All these things will be needed either way.

I want to keep being the lighthouse but I want w to see me move ng forward. Yes I hope it will help her come back but this is not the reason. I simply need to get to a better place. I deserve it. I am taking small steps towards this and it is nit easy. But going backwards is not an option.

There is a lot more but no point writing everything here.

I am not sure I am as strong as some of ye say. But I am still standing and moving forward....or at least trying to.

[roist]

Have a lot of stress and crap going on at the moment not counting the M situation.
I'm taking steps to meet these issues head on and hope to find a solution.IIt is at times like this when you share with your partner and have their support, that you know things will be OK. But I am really feeling alone. This must be how most WAS feel . It is not good. I understand why someone would walk away.

To feel so alone when together is not a way to live.

It saddens me to feel so low at the moment.I was really making good progress. I am meeting most goals and I am giving W more and more space. I don't hold it against my W but it reminds me of how I felt when my dad was dying.

Anyway I will get through this crap. I will continue my path and really work on me. In DR one woman stated she had 4 options
1 divorce
2 separate
3 stay and be miserable
4 stay and work on self.
I chose like the woman, option 4. It worked out for her but took a long time. I was stressed but not working on R during my depression.Now I have been working hard for almost a year. I don't know how long I will find the strength to continue. I will work on me and my finances and when both are better I'll see where we are at.

I only have here to express all this. In this country I only have her family.
MMine are far away and have own issues that I don't want to stress them as they can't help me . My brother is there for me though when needed. Here my friends know her friends and others are not close enough to go deep.

So need hugs and support please.

[Zephyr]

We understand your pain. We are here. We support you through this struggle and beyond!!!!

It may not be all you need right now but there is a future for you, none of us know for sure what it will entail. That future will include a happy roiste who is a great father and an amazing partner for whomever you chose to spend your life with. That is giving yourself to the higher power.

Sending you strength, I can spare only a little right now, but it is yours!

[roist]

I believe in that future Z. I know it can be so. Knowing it will be better helps dealing with the NOW. In two weeks I have a week away alone. I really need that. Just need to find some pocket money though.

Thanks for your ongoing support. I hope you are okay. Best wishes for whatever you are dealing with.

[Mowgli]

Just keep swimming buddy!

I hope your weekend alone will give you some additional insight into what you're going through!