Thanks off to read and willl continue with my research.
He did send a text today telling me he would be getting a new phone this weekend and sending his back to me. The phones are under my name. I had him and his mom on my account. He ran up our data of $195 overage charges and refuses to pay it plus his bill amount. His mom won't pay anything either and bought her a new phone last weekend. So this just screws me over. Phones will be cut off because I cant afford to pay everyone else's part. It makes me so mad knowing they are doing this.
He has a meeting with the child support worker Thursday. He told her it would be best if we did t separately instead of being there together. I'll have to come in and look at the numbers sometime next week if he agrees once she runs them. I think he is really pissed about it. He wouldn't even come to his stepsons football game. But I'm glad because I didn't have to deal with anything like last week.
He was extremely hateful to me when he called today. This is the first time we have talked in over a week. I don't count him sending that text a few days ago. Uns we responded to him then. He really wanted to communicate only by text but he called anyway. Then he hung up on me. This is worse than after he first left. He picked up our daughter from. My moms tonight and she said he was in such a rush to leave. I don't even know why he's acting that way around my mom.
Hi Haunted, I'm sorry to hear about your call with your H. From what you post recently, it doesn't sound as though he is going to behave nicely either now or in the near future. Yes, you have a daughter together and will need to link somehow in respect of her. However, for anything else - finances, joint arrangements etc - I would aim for them to be separated and for you to have full responsibility for your own stuff.
Equally, I would try and keep any communications to a bare minimum - but from your end be pleasant - brief and pleasant. If he is unpleasant by phone and hangs up, I would minimise phone contact and if he calls you, perhaps just text him back instead. It sounds as though he enjoys causing you some upset at the moment, and if you reclaim your personal power, it may take the wind out of his sails.
I hope things improve for you soon and take care xx
Last edited by Sotto; 10/03/1507:16 AM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I am sorry to read your post, I know its hard not to take these hits personally, try hard to detach from the spew and hurtful things your h is doing, they are coming from the MLC monster within right now.
Your m is your side of the family, his guilt at what he has done to you and your d could be a reason he can't face her. Dismiss it and try not to analyze everything he does or does not do, it will drive you crazy trying to figure it out and to be honest it is a waste of your precious energy that could be better spent of looking after yourself.
The more you detach and allow his antics to wash over you the less you will be affected by what he is doing/saying.
Is there any possibility of calling the phone company and explaining the situation, they may be understanding and help you out, separating your phone out from the others and sorting out a better payment plan for you.
Haunted you are doing great, I really hope that you get a break in this crazy ride you are on soon. Hang on in there and look after yourself x
I just got an out of the blue text from his mom asking if I wanted to go play bingo Sunday night. She said something told her to try and be friends again. I am a little skeptical about the whole thing. She hasn't really talked to me since that night at the game.
My husband has his moments of speaking to me every once in awhile. He has texted me a few times over the past couple days. He wants us to go with him to his dads grave site this weekend. Honestly it all just makes me scratch my head lol
Personally I would make a polite excuse (so not to lower yourself to MIL level) and keep your space from MIL. You have no idea of her agenda and right now you are not in a strong enough place within yourself to deal with her.
She could be genuine, but I doubt it after her outburst at the game. I would be looking for a serious apology for her behavior before I have anything to do with her again. It does not sound like she has even acknowledged it.
Question - do you want to go to h dads graveside this weekend? If the answer is yes, then go. If the answer is no, then say "thank you for asking but on this occasion I don't wish to attend". You owe your h nothing, he needs to know that he does not have you on tap to his convenience.
Please look after yourself and start putting yourself first, your h will just use you and abuse you if you don't.
I just got an out of the blue text from his mom asking if I wanted to go play bingo Sunday night. She said something told her to try and be friends again. I am a little skeptical about the whole thing. She hasn't really talked to me since that night at the game.
My husband has his moments of speaking to me every once in awhile. He has texted me a few times over the past couple days. He wants us to go with him to his dads grave site this weekend. Honestly it all just makes me scratch my head lol
I was kind of wondering if this wasn't a prelude to them trying to butter you up for the divorce process.
No need to be buddies with MIL if she's not someone you enjoy spending time with. No need to go to gravesite with H unless YOU want to. Let him start to experience what life without you will be like.
Lou and kml both have given you great advice. I would be civil to the MIL, but I would put some distance between you and her. You don't know what she's up to and it sounds like she was playing nice to soften you up for the divorce process.
As for going to the gravesite...I wouldn't do it. You don't know how your h is going to behave around you and you don't want to be ambushed by them. If he's seeing and attorney and wants a divorce, then what's the point of you visiting the gravesite at this time? You can go to visit on your own when you want to.
Sometimes, we have to step back and protect ourselves from further hurt and I think this is one of those times. Be polite when declining the offer...but it's time your h come to realize what life will be like w/o you being there for him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I've been doing really good lately. I am so busy with the new job and taking care of myself and my children. I haven't snooped on anything of his. I am so proud of myself for doing that.
My cousin is going through a divorce. I haven't really talked to his wife in months. She messaged me today because my husband messaged her. She sent screen shots before i even had a chance of knowing what they were. I did ask her to no longer do that as I didn't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying anymore.
I will say this is what he told her, that he is getting a divorce. We are definitely not getting back together. He said He hasn't been really happy with me, he is happier since being back home. He told her he couldn't lie but he doesnt love me anymore and is not in love with me either. He is just ready to move on.
basically same thing I've been hearing for months.
I will say it actually feels good not worrying about what he is doing anymore. I feel more at peace. I can't control what he does so why waste my time worrying anymore? It only gets me down. I am living my life and no one will steal my joy
off to read and willl continue with my research. 
