So I own this much: I lost my own sense of purpose in order to be 100% supportive of her goals and plans - plans that were conceived to keep her from being stuck overseas, plans intended to build a life for us together. But, at the same time, I lost my own spark and passion for my own things. That IS the kind of woman she was drawn to in the beginning. No excuse for what she's done. But yeah... I'm so grateful for this opportunity to do what I do well, and to do it with passion for the work.
Hope you all have a great weekend.
This is totally my case as well and that person was not happy or fun to be around. I am glad you are on the road to getting your spark back. That is the beauty of DB. Congrats on the pending job offer. That is awesome!!
Last edited by BT13; 09/11/1511:28 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Yeah, BT13... trying to see things through that lens. The thing is, this opportunity found me, not the other way around. I did everything she asked me to do in the interim. BD and abandonment did not have to happen in order for me to be where I am now, in a place where I'm feeling confident about this new position and my prospects. It would be even more exciting and energizing if she were by my side, celebrating this with me. But alas... it is what it is, and I will do what's been put before me. Maybe she'll notice, maybe she won't. But that's not my concern anymore.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Ok, you'd think that for as long as I've been here, I'd know how to do this now. But Cadet, or anyone... can someone post the links to all my threads here?
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Haven't seen or talked to WW in over two weeks now. Texts and an email or two. Her texts are over the top responses to things I say, for instance, "You can have all the time you need to move your things out tomorrow." She writes back things like, "You are so thoughtful and considerate, you've always been that way, one of the things I love about you, you're so sweet, thank you for thinking of me..." I mean, a simple "thanks" would have made more sense. I guess this is continued guilt or the continued pursuit of cheap grace. Not sure.
But I've been super focused on my new position this past week - so much to do, and I have three months to get things to the next level. I have to say - if I had this job before BD, I would have been too crushed after it to continue to do it well. Had I been offered the job too soon after BD, I wouldn't have been able to find the motivation or enthusiasm to do the job. But this came along at just the perfect time - I'm in the place now where I needed the perfect challenge. This was it.
A reminder that God's timing for everything is always perfect. Even in all this mess.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
A reminder that God's timing for everything is always perfect. Even in all this mess.
Man, I wish I had known that a year ago...;)
Haha, Zues.
We got into an email dispute over "things" yesterday. I find this distasteful, but there is one thing, one very small thing, a handcrafted souvenir from a trip we took together overseas last year that means a lot to me. She had used it for a wine and cheese event at some open house, and never brought it back. When I asked for it, she said no, she "needed" it, but if she ever went to that village again, she'd get me another one. (!)
I wrote back - "you gave it to HER, didn't you? I don't want another one. I want the one that means something to me, and meant something to us." She didn't deny this in her response, just said she didn't mean to hurt me, but she needed it.
I know I'm not supposed to let the OW take up any headspace. But I have to admit it hurts to know she's in possession of something that means a lot to me, something my W gave to me, and has now chosen to give to her.
Other than that, we are making good progress on the separation - except that she keeps trying to catch me at the house by stopping by unannounced in spite of our agreement. I'm really tired of her little games. It's possible I can move a bit sooner than Oct 17. As soon as I can, I'm outta there, and she won't know to where.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Hello friends... thought I'd pop on here and post an update. Haven't seen nor spoken with WW since Sept 5, although lots of housekeeping/details texts back and forth, and repeated attempts on her part to show up at the house unannounced - some of them successful, thankfully at times when I've not been home. She continues to move things out of the place bit by bit, I'll be moving everything the week of October 12, and the house will be available as a rental the week after that. Once we get to that point, the only two things that will keep us bound together will be the remainder of the cash (40%) she owes me for the buyout of the company, and titling the car I drive alone in my name - keeping hers on it till Jan 1 for tax purposes. It will be interesting to see where things go once we are really and truly apart, as she does not know where I'm going.
Really enjoying my new position, it's exciting and giving me a drive and focus I've not had in a long time. God is good to have sent this my way at just the right time. I'm still sad and incredulous that things had to happen this way, but I'm no longer despondent or feeling like I can't go on. There are a lot of good things in my life for which I am thankful. She is in full-on textbook MLC mode, so I pray for her every day. And I'm standing for our relationship. But I know that's a long, long road. And my focus has to be on me.
Now, that's the good news on my sitch! Here's a potential speedbump: a friend of mine who happens to know the predator (not well, but from the past) has shared with me that she took it upon herself to write to her - and to do so anonymously. I don't know all the details of the letter, but she did tell me she called her a homewrecker. Question: how much damage has my well-intentioned friend wrought?
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Great to see an update on your sitch! Sounds like you're doing well in spite of all that you've been through. Not sure what that letter will do, hopefully they don't think you're the one that wrote it. I guess at this point not even that matters, their lives are their own to live.
Loved reading that you're thankful and life is on the upswing.
Big hug to you, PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Thanks PP. After doing pretty well for a month, this week has been really tough, and next week will be, too. The final move - I feel like I've been playing dodgeball in order to avoid seeing her, as she keeps trying to catch me at the house in spite of our agreement to give each other space. Today she was particularly obtuse and cold, at the house when I arrived, packing the predator's car with boxes. Made me sick to my stomach to see that car. Really been on the verge of tears all day. Still just so hard to believe it's come to all this. I know moving out won't magically solve things, but it's got to be better than things are now. At least I won't have any reason to be dealing with her. Need to go dark...
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Sending you a hug Dif, today is going to suck. Next week will suck too. Just get through them. Forecast out if you have to. Dream of the future. Know that the stuff you're going through now is just awful but it won't last forever.
Helping my W pack the truck to move was one of the hardest days of my life. I had to step outside on multiple occasions and cry. It was like a repetitive punch in the stomach. But it was months ago and I can talk about it now. It feels like a different lifetime. Soon this all will too. As someone who's gone through it, I know.
Deep breaths Dif, lots of them. Reach out to friends and do what you can to not be there. Take care of Dif first.
Big hug, PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
