Tinydoc's first post, 5 months in.

[TDball]

Today I slipped up and texted H about something I didn't need to. While I know it came across pursuing, it did give me the opportunity to tell him I was proud of him for something. We texted a bit about our dog, and there were moments where I know I would have previously responded with something angry or critical, but I kept the entire thing light.

It sounds like his business is expanding. I am proud of him, but this is also difficult for me because I supported him as he was getting it off the ground, and I thought I encouraged him, but he can now convince himself that he's only doing better because he got rid of me. I am also sad because this would have been a really good thing for our marriage and partnership, but of course that's over now. He left just as everything was about to change for the better.

I signed up for a jewelry class next week. +1 for GAL.

[Dawn70]

Hi Tinydoc! Just dropping by to check out your sitch and say thanks for stopping by mine. To address what you said above, I slipped and texted or e-mailed my XH a few times too and it is hard. You seem to be doing well, though.

I agree with what Vanilla said about the timing. She mentioned being 18 months in and I'm a year in and I still have days that are really low. Our 10th anniversary would've been Oct. 29, and I already know that will be a tough day. Fortunately I have a friend whose birthday is that day, so I'm hoping to focus on that.

Hang in there! It WILL get better.

[TDball]

Thanks for stopping by Dawn!

Today I'm wondering if I should somehow let my H know that I wouldn't necessarily consider this OW a dealbreaker. I'm starting to realize that he must have been really hurting to feel that this was the only way out. I fear that by telling him second thoughts were no longer an option for him, I have shut the door on the possibility of reconciliation entirely. Even if he started to consider it, he wouldn't approach me about it anymore.

On the other hand, I'm learning that if I want to do something, I should probably do the opposite. Does anyone have any experience with this?

[Azzork]

Today I'm wondering if I should somehow let my H know that I wouldn't necessarily consider this OW a dealbreaker.

What good would this do right now?

He is not interested in reconciling at the moment. So telling him that him treating your marriage and commitment disposably isnt a dealbreaker for you is not going to bring him closer. If anything, its going to show him that youre willing to do anything to SAVE this marriage. Im guessing if this statement had any impact, it would only INCREASE his waywardness. I dont think that doing anything to suggest that you are waiting around as a plan B is going to help your cause.

Now, that said, decide for you whether this is a dealbreaker. And consider your values, your boundaries, and your needs. Then keep to them.

[Vanilla]

Tinydoc,

You must be working some long hours. plus at the tail end of your residency there is loads of stress and evaluations.

This means deferral of your sitch? This will be an important time.

In my view, yes, this comes first over any WH.

V

[Rouky]

Hi,

Just reading through your thread, and I'm sorry to find you here. I have just one question for you, if you were the one having an affair, would you H think the OM isn't a dealbreaker?

I know you love your H dearly and want him back, but deep down do you think it's necessary to tell him this now? Keep focusing on you (I know easier said than done)as at the moment YOU are the only person that matters. Take care of yourself.

[TDball]

Thanks guys. I'm glad I posted here first. I was having a sad moment the other day. I don't think it's necessary to tell him, I'm glad you all reminded me.

I realized today that I've already started to become a better version of myself. Previously I was such an introvert and would hide behind my husband, but I realized for the last few weeks I've been making small talk with strangers at the dog park, in the grocery store, on the street etc. This is exciting!

[TDball]

Oh, Rouky, to answer your question- I'm really not sure what he would think. it's hard to answer now, because for the past 5-6 months I've only seen this angry, unpredictable version of him. I'm starting to forget the man I fell in love with.

[Rouky]

I'm afraid he isn't the man you fell in love with, nor his my H ( took me a while to realise that!).

Keep the focus on you. You are still young, and if you don't reconcile with H, you will meet someone who will treat you with respect and like a princess :-)

You will get through this, I promise :-)

[TDball]

Thank you, Rouky. I can never hear that enough!