The difficulty is that in the eyes of the law, W is the 'main carer' for my kids (funny, I go to work every day to bring home enough money to look after everybody, but I'm not considered) so statistically I'm on a loser here. As I can't get a straight answer out of her as to where she's going, I can wait a while to act.
Got a black sack this morning and started putting old clothes in for recycling. It's one less job to do and I'm planning on packing up my stuff next week, whilst W is away with the kids at her parents. OK, so nothing odd in that, you'd think. I brought the back downstairs and left it on the landing, near the door, ready to take to the clothes recycling bin. W nearly did a spin out of the Exorcist when she saw the bag and the look on her face was one of sheer shock.
I walked past her, smiled and said nothing. W made herself a cup of tea and sat at the dining table. By now she was frantically pulling at her hair. I started to make dinner for the kids when she just shot up, went upstairs and disappeared for 30 minutes. I have no idea what she was doing.
W then came down and started asking about the contents of the bag. I told her it was for the recycling and left it at that. Still on her way to the bottom!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Huddy. This is where you have to be strong. Unless your W is a psychopath she will be very upset ANYWAY even if she no longer want to be married to you.
My analogue for this is stars. Your looking at W , she's sad -- a star , she's wondering what your doing -- a star , etc , etc. what you need to see is a planet. W coming to you to talk about M and offering to make it work.
This is my humble opinion. The day my W left she sat mext to me for two hours sobbing and completely distraught. A week later she called me at work and cried on the phone for an hour This carried on for 8 months and only when she told me that OM slept in her bed ( but they aren't sexual !!!! ) did I refuse to talk about us and I told her not to text me anything sad. I still get the occasional one
Your W needs to see what life is like without you or else she could comeback and you could be back here again one day. I typed my W a long text 2 months ago and explained that instilled loved her and then sent it to myself
Your in such a tough sitch but all you can control is you and you seem to be doing that brilliantly.
there is this Toni Collette movie where she's the Mum and they have a violent autistic son and one of the other kids is complaining to the dad and he responds "Well, your mother reckons God gave Charlie to us because we can deal with it". Think of it that way my friend, this shitty situation you are in, who else could deal with it so well? pat yourself on the back mate.
-py
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
The difficulty is that in the eyes of the law, W is the 'main carer' for my kids (funny, I go to work every day to bring home enough money to look after everybody, but I'm not considered) so statistically I'm on a loser here. As I can't get a straight answer out of her as to where she's going, I can wait a while to act.
Meaningless is Scotland mate. Get a lawyer. You will find that you have far more rights than you currently think. Both Painter and I are in agreement here. Get yourself set up for you and all the kids. If you have a plan in place for the. And your W doesn't, trust me. That will look favourable on you. Get a plan.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Thanks guys for all the words of encouragement. L is next on list after setting up new home.
Picked my SD up from her boyfriends today. She told me that W hasn't decided what she's doing yet. I didn't let on what W has said over the past few days. Huddy 2.0 is ready but he's not just going to let W 1.0 walk back in without something changing.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Mate. Can I just say that you need a lawyer now. Not later. You can't sell your house without an interim agreement. You can't wait Huddy. You need to instruct a lawyer now. You don't have an option.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Thanks guys for all the words of encouragement. L is next on list after setting up new home.
NDY knows more about the laws there that I will ever do, but you are making big decisions and starting a trajectory without the advice of a L. A L comes before a new place to live, because your L may have input that will influence what you do. This is when you use your emergency credit card, borrow from your sister or brother or best friend, take up a loan or sell something - anything, to get legal advice before it's too late and you've done something irreversible. And see several, preferably - sometimes they will let their attitudes influence their advice and you want one who works your way.
Who told you that W is seen (and by who?) as the 'main carer'?
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
You could find out a lot even in the first visit to the L, Huddy. There is to much on the line to wing it and your hand could be strengthened. Just saying, good luck.
Yes, L is important, but being homeless is more so. NDY, I see what you mean about properties going quick. I have phoned for three today and only one is available! Going to see that tonight. I have let W know I'll be home late, by text, so she can start bathing kids etc.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
