Hi Defacto, that sounds fair enough to me. And you applied the important measure. How will I feel about all of this in the longer term.
I think probably what to do next is carry on as you were. You made an overture from a place of strength and if your W wants to respond to that she will do...
Good luck with things xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hey Defacto as we've heard nothing more from you should we assume that your D is now complete and you are onwards and upwards without your XW?
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Hey Defacto as we've heard nothing more from you should we assume that your D is now complete and you are onwards and upwards without your XW?
Hello Avanti,
I wish I had some resolution, any resolution really. All that's left is for STBX to sign and make the D final before a judge. It's been a few weeks since mediation and I really don't know what the hold up is?
I'm friendly in our interactions but I don't pursue. There have been no discussions about R since I tried to give STBX an alternate vision a few days after the mediation. Truthfully, STBX doesn't seem all that interested, but then she will ask for details about my plans and insist on giving me multiple hugs when she drops off the kids. Today, she made a point to remind me that her birthday is coming up LOL.
I just want this all to be over so I can close this chapter of my life. However, I know I can only control me at this point.
On a positive note, I've started writing music again and am excited to be starting a new project with some new players this week.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
D - is she still with the OM? It sounds like she is all over the map? As for music that's awesome! I was thinking about picking up an instrument in my free time to learn. I still haven't though. I paddle too much.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
D - is she still with the OM? It sounds like she is all over the map? As for music that's awesome! I was thinking about picking up an instrument in my free time to learn. I still haven't though. I paddle too much.
Mahhhty,
Yeah, she was definitely all over the map following the mediation but that has settled down now.
I have no idea if she is still with OM. I do know that she is starting to work on a different floor next week.
If you are serious about learning an instrument, learn to play the guitar. It is easy to learn and fun to play along with you favorite songs to start off.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Did you ever follow Squiggy? His wife was having an affair and filed for D. But then broke it off in the 11th hour and started to reconcile.
Your W sounds like his. She was all over the map. Playing both sides.
He was very vigilant and when things started to change he adapted. I think you will find yourself there to. If given opportunities to court her (flirt, hug, be playful, whatever brought you two together) do that. As being sporadic is definitely related to uncertainty. However, only do this if you believe there is no OM.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
but then she will ask for details about my plans and insist on giving me multiple hugs when she drops off the kids. Today, she made a point to remind me that her birthday is coming up LOL.
I just want this all to be over so I can close this chapter of my life. However, I know I can only control me at this point.
On a positive note, I've started writing music again and am excited to be starting a new project with some new players this week.
My W wrote her birthday down on the calendar. I want to say, "are you afraid you'll forget it?" She did the you can help the kids do something for Mother's Day last year. I did. Did she do something for Father's Day. Of course not. Did something for her B-day last year. Did she do anything for mine. Of course not. Did she have the kids help out with either of those days. Nope. I really think there is just an awful lot of denial going on to be honest.
They don't get that this is just a business arrangement now. They made it this way. We didn't want that. They've chosen this and have shown no consideration toward us for anything beyond that. And yet, they seem to think they deserve something more from us.
Best thing we can do for them is to help them face the consequences so that they can heal themselves and maybe allow for something else to grow from the ashes.
Glad you're going the mediation route at least.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
asitis, Yeah, it really is a twisted dichotomy right now. The mediation went smoothly. I really thought that it would be the end for anything to do with STBX. Once she finalizes the D, I'm done. However, her apparent reluctance to finish it requires me to continue to walk the line for just a little bit longer. I'm trying to force the present reality without being a jerk.
As far as her birthday is concerned, I had already planned for the kids to get something for her. That'll be it.
Last edited by Defacto; 10/05/1503:09 AM.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
