One of H's "twists of truth" came to light today and I think it took him by surprise. We moved almost 6 years ago. While house/neighborhood shopping we stopped to visit a good friend of H's. I have never liked their neighborhood, it is very crowded. Anyway, we stopped there and had dinner one weekend while house hunting. They tried to convince us to buy their house because they were planning to move within the year. Their youngest d was graduating high school and the H wanted to retire. We said no, we can't wait a year, need a house now. And life went on. They ended up not moving, their D went to a local college. Anyway, fast forward to BD. One of H's major complaints is that I refused to even consider buying a house in his friend's neighborhood, on and on and on, so much spew about how I was keeping him from his friend, I was socially isolating him, came up several times in MC as well. No recollection that his friend was moving away at the time.
Anyway, yesterday the friend told H that they finally are moving. After all these years of planning to move, this is finally the time. I casually drop "wow, finally, I remember when we were house hunting and they were trying to sell us their house, they have been planning this for a long time." And H casually says "yes, they thought they'd be gone within a year and its been 6." And I said Yes, I remember that." And suddenly he stopped talking and had this "OMG" look on his face.
My childhood was at times a good dream, and at others a waking nightmare. I am resilient, because I had to be. I was the eldest child and looked out for my younger siblings. That's enough on that subject.
Sadly, I realize now why I'm willing to put up with some things. There's a part of me that feels broken, and my life is spent working around that belief. I overcompensate in areas I can because it makes me feel strong.
Judy, we are a lot alike. I am also the eldest sibling, of four. I know how to "keep it together" and take care of people. A lesson learned the hard way, but a good lesson.
Yes, it's true - we seem to have a lot in common. My early years formed me, but in a lot if ways the lessons learned did me a lot of good. I have a lot of empathy and compassion for people. Forgiveness comes relatively easy for me. I have the ability and sheer grit to rise to a lot of truly challenging occasions.
I've enjoyed getting to remember who I am again - flaws and all. I've really enjoyed the newest friendships I've developed here.
One of my biggest areas of growth lately has been learning to heed the advice of other people. I used to act on instinct alone. Not so anymore...very much to my benefit. I just don't think I've had access to as many wise people as I've encountered on this forum.
Thank you Judy. Now why is it that we can see recognize each other's awesomeness, yet our husband's cannot?
We must be missing a piece of the puzzle........
Hope you are having a good weekend. I just had the laziest afternoon which included some good bonding with a new friend, and some great bonding with my D14. Have a great night!
I like the explanations on this particular site. It doesn't just say aces too high, an na na na. It also says this mitigates and try this to resolve.
Choose a resource with resilience testing as well. This is because although Ace Scores can be high resilience is mitigating. This effectively gives you a 'net' score. Some resilience offsets a high score.
My net score is low because both my ACES and resilience are low.
Extreme self care is upping my resilience.
This might be a good resource for the abuse thread too.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
