Hi Jpeg, I think your priority needs to be security for yourself and your children. If a legal separation achieves that security then go for it. Your H is in a R with someone else right now, and that is not in your best interests, the best interests of your M or your family.
Legal S is what I hoped to achieve, but my H wouldn't agree to that and has filed for D now. For me, I was pretty slow to act legally - but there was only me to worry about financially. I think if you have kids, there is more of an imperative to act sooner and protect their interests.
Bear in mind that a legal S is not a D - but would 'settle' matters for now and give you some surety. Without reading back - have you consulted a L yet?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Sotto - I have had a couple of free consultations and my sister is helping me set up another one. I just don't want to close any doors. Once there is a legal separation in place then H could just file for D and it would be granted as we have already been living apart for over a year
Hi Jpeg, I wouldn't let fear of him filing for D govern your actions. Could he just file for D if he wanted to in any case as you have been apart for a year? I would put your own security and that of your kids first and not worry that pursuing legal S may prompt him to file. After all - he will do what he will do in any case....
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Went to S football game tonight. Sat with D and my sister. h was doing play by play in announcer booth. It used to be so fun to listen to him do that but tonight I just kept thinking "Oh shut up!" Anyway I didn't look up in booth and didn't wait around after game. But since coming home he has texted me with comments on son's game. Do I respond or just ignore?
I didn't respond. I ended up falling asleep. The only contact I have had has been text and that is me asking him for his share of $ to cover monthly mortgage and bills etc. Now this am he is asking for Facebook password (I changed it months ago cause he opened his own and blocked our "family" one. So I was thinking you don't get to have your new "I'm single look at me Facebook" where all he posts is pics of himself - and have the family one where all I post is stuff about kids and faMily.
He is trying to contact kids with texts as if nothing has happened the kids absolutely refuse to respond and they do not want to see him. Up here it is Thanksgiving next weekend. His GF asked him when he is going to his "parents dinner" so he asked them when they were going to be hosting and his Mom said that I am having the dinner Sat. So he told GF dinner is Sat of course not telling her it would be at our house BUT the reason I am having it is because I spoke with MIL and said that I know she would never not invite her son to Thanksgiving dinner but the kids do not want to see their father so I invited them to come to our place the night before... Anyway now I somehow have to convey to H that he is not invited for dinner. He has chooses GF over his family so.... Idk
Just a point of clarification. The past year we have been living apart I have been encouraging H to spend more time with kids, inviting him for dinners and encouraging the kids to be patient with their dad etc. this was all while he was simply saying that he was unhappy and had to find his happiness. He went on a vacation by himself for "Family Day Weekend" ( that's a newish holiday we have up here in Feb) and I helped pay for that. We were all being so accommodating to him a the whole time he was lieing and a having an affair. He has been keeping it secret because it is a workplace affair and he is her immediate supervisor. Anyway it was just a couple of weeks ago that the kids went to talk to him and actually "caught them in the act" literally.
So it is not that I am bad mouthing their father - I never have - if anything it has been the opposite. But kids now realize the lies and complete disrespect their father has shown all of us.
H wants to just pretend nothing has happened. No apologies, no explanations.
I understand. My H is still lying. I have no idea why they believe others will take them at their word, especially with their history. My H likes to believe the kids will be happy for him, too.
You're going to have to make it clear to your H that while HE is welcome at Thanksgiving, OW is NOT. That is a clear boundary that should not be crossed. He'll more than likely lie to her, too; I bet dinner gets "cancelled" at the last minute for some reason. Lying seems to be a new way of life for these Walk-away spouse's.
Facebook? He is out of his mind asking for your password! He has his own account now. There is no reason for him to use yours. The self-delusion these WS's entertain is crazy!
Today, my H supposedly has a meeting with clients to explain changes in company. Never mind he left wearing shorts, his OW owns a Farmer's market here in town, and has been advertising a huge estate/garage sale for today and tomorrow. I tried to talk my kids into going to get some tomatoes for me. They refused to go, which is a good thing now that I think about it. I shouldn't put them in that position.
I guess I could go if I'm that suspicious, but what would I gain by catching him? I hate this suspicion. I don't want to live like this. Lots of thinking to do.
I'm glad you didn't text your H. He needs to face the reality that his choices are costing him his family. He chose his behavior, he has to live with the result.
Quick question after reading your posts again...is H not invited for Thanksgiving? I can understand OW, but why him? I think it would be great for him to witness the kids not speaking to him, the disappointmen they have, and the changes in the family dynamics because of his bad behavior.
It's a rare opportunity to have everyone together so that he has to FACE the results. He'll be all by himself, within the family unit. If you can tolerate having him around, it may be a golden opportunity. Tell the kids they don't have to speak to him if they don't want to.
