Ghost. My W has been super 'friendly' since she filed. Since then, I have went from catering to her ever whim, to starting to stand up for myself and protect myself. When I have asserted myself, she has backed down and tried to make me happy every time. I grew my balls back, and gained respect from myself and W. I'm not trying to pick fights, just putting my foot down on some issues. I feel better about me, and W isn't any worse towards me. In fact, she may be more real to me then.
Good luck
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
dday, as some one who isn't fully up to speed with your sitch I'd say you've stopped being a mr nice guy and that has garnered you the respect from your W. Have you ultimately done a 180 on her by growing your balls back?
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I can tell you this ghost, my W moved out in may and my kids have actually gotten closer to her and are much happier than they were when we were together, how long will this last? IDK but they are happy which is all that matters to me.
Keep praying, keep Detaching, keep GAL. get the ball moving the faster the better. Don't keep doing what I did, I am months behind on DBing/.
Ghost56, buddy, you've had a lot of advice and keep,asking questions that show a yes but attitude. Here's some tough love, so be prepared.
Sandi2 is a goldmine of information and advice. She is also one of the most patient people I know, even she is, to me anyway, a little frustrated with you.
Many are giving you DB'ing advice, others are saying you need professional help, some giving you guidance on how to change your mindset, many different angles, all trying to help and yet you say, "yes but" to all of them.
It's time to man up and look at what people are saying to you, stop with the I can't rhetoric and start with the I can attitude.
I feel your pain, I was there once and when I started to really listen to the advice being given and acting on it, things started to change for me in ways I couldn't imagine back then.
Do yourself a huge favour and look back over all of the rich, insightful, empathic and compassionate advice you've had on your thread. Pick something that you think MIGHT work and run with it, no questions, just do it, then ask questions when you start to get results, whatever they may be.
Tough love speech over. Now, take action Ghost56, we are all rooting for you!
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Ghost, I was a "don't rock the boat" guy. And for the last year or so, my W put everything ahead of our M. Blamed me for everything, and made me actually believe it! So I went into super H mode, until she told me she wanted a D. Now, through counseling and DB, I have 180 and stood up for myself. It is helping me detach, and realize what was wrong on her side of the M too. Remember, it took 2 of you to get here. You can lead her to wake up, but you can't make her. Listen to the vets! Learn from their experience, and save yourself some of the heartache that can be avoided
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Ghost56, buddy, you've had a lot of advice and keep,asking questions that show a yes but attitude. Here's some tough love, so be prepared.
Sandi2 is a goldmine of information and advice. She is also one of the most patient people I know, even she is, to me anyway, a little frustrated with you.
Many are giving you DB'ing advice, others are saying you need professional help, some giving you guidance on how to change your mindset, many different angles, all trying to help and yet you say, "yes but" to all of them.
It's time to man up and look at what people are saying to you, stop with the I can't rhetoric and start with the I can attitude.
I feel your pain, I was there once and when I started to really listen to the advice being given and acting on it, things started to change for me in ways I couldn't imagine back then.
Do yourself a huge favour and look back over all of the rich, insightful, empathic and compassionate advice you've had on your thread. Pick something that you think MIGHT work and run with it, no questions, just do it, then ask questions when you start to get results, whatever they may be.
Tough love speech over. Now, take action Ghost56, we are all rooting for you!
Avanti I do hear you sandi she is amazing and I really am not trying to push the patience of anyone she has been absolutely fantastic and I respect and truly value her guidence
I am spinning I will re read this thread several times to try to get my head arround the help that has been posted
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Yes I have to make a choice to detach ...how,do I do this when she is being nice friendly yes her pay off is nice guy ghost me I have lost my W lover but retain my friend
Her acting friendly is not the real thing. Want to see if I'm right? Just cross her and stand up to her and see how friendly she is. That's what scares you, right? That she'll be mad at you, and you won't be able to handle her wrath. It is difficult for me to understand any man that would rather settle for some loveless friendship, instead of love. But, that's me.
[quote]W is going out tomorrow night clubbing it has been arranged however I do not really want to be at home seeing her getting dressed up perfume on markup on tight jeans etc knowing she is going out to have fun it will upset me seeing this
Okay, so this nice, friendly W is going out and having fun clubbing around, but a babysitter can't be afforded? I thought you said you inherited some money? I thought you said it had been agreed that the two of you would alternate the weekends? (I think you said you couldn't go out until after she had her weekend..... ) Hen-pecked!
Quote:
Do I say something to her like " sorry but I have to go out as watching you get ready to go out knowing you are clubbing is going to upset me " or do I say nothing
Why do you ask these foolish questions, when you KNOW what we'll say? Yes, Ghost, tell her exactly the above and see how attractive that makes you look. Honestly! You know darn well you don't say that spineless cr@p to a woman who like her.
Sandi2 thank you for this valuable post I am not purposely fighting you and everyone else's advice I see everyone's situation as different and I really do not know how to handle this my head is saying I should be detaching and should be moving away and doing everything that you're saying but my heart is saying she's being nice we are getting along things seem to be okay but they're not
I know it took my wife a long time to get to this position she has told me it was three years ago when she started to feel like she wanted to be out the marriage it has taken her three years to get to this point
I know I cannot write to her I know I cannot keep having relationship conversations I do not want to do this and yet I do want to do this.
What if the is some doubt in her mind what if I am choosing now to go along with what she wants and then there is regret I guess it is the red pill or the blue one
Sandi2 thank you so much you really have no idea just how much you have helped me
I will read some more
Thank you all
Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Then make a single firm decision, nothing big, and act. Your paralysis will then evaporate and your next step will appear.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
We have another three days, if it's helped we are going to up the anti just a little bit. We are going to take that smile and use it in the other minutes of the day.
I just need to know you are creating a new smiling habit first, so it's in your subconscious.
It will be fun, I promise. In preparation I would like you to listen to a Michael Jackson song, and I am wondering if you can guess which one?
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 10/03/1511:28 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Don't blame it on the good times blame it on the boogie ???? Or I'm bad ....no more Mr nice guy
Yes still smiling morning and evening :o).
Goals for today keep in the present don't look too far ahead Ghost comes first children a close second my w I will be pleaent to but she is no more than a friend
If I want to watch Tv it is because I want to watch Tv not to spend it with the w
Do I enjoy her company yes am I going to start to detach yes Time to loose some of this attraction she is hurting me with her actions remember this ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
It is difficult for me to understand any man that would rather 
) Hen-pecked!
Honestly! You