SHOOT!!! We have a shared amazon account and I just realized he can see my search history, so he's probably seen all my "how to win your husband back" book searches etc...
UGH!! So humiliating. Especially after discovering his trip with the OW at the fact that she'll be in town soon. I could kick myself. Now all my efforts have been in vain.
Anybody? I'm at a loss right now. Don't know if I should give up completely. They're in love. Enough to leave their respective marriages and kids. What do I do know? Should I let him know I know about his rendezvous with her last weekend? Better not.
Anybody? I'm at a loss right now. Don't know if I should give up completely. They're in love. Enough to leave their respective marriages and kids. What do I do know? Should I let him know I know about his rendezvous with her last weekend? Better not.
Gmum - No, definitely dont let him know that you know. All that will do is cause him to change his password and cut off that line of intel for you. Confrontation by itself is just going to move the A deeper underground.
As for what you should do, thats difficult to answer. It depends what your goals are. If your goal is to save your M, then Im not really sure this changes much. My W and OM are dating now, and both are in D proceedings. Whether theyre "in love" or not, who f'in knows. Doesnt really matter. Given enough time, the pressures of the A and their R will likely get to them. But until my goals change, then I will continue the DB path.
How long had this been going on for you? My ex said a long time ago that it might not even work out for them, as she lives in a different state with two kids and everything that entails.
Azzork is correct...do not let on to him that you know what is going on. The more you point out the affair, the more determined he will be to continue it. He will feel justified in what he is doing because he has a need to protect her.
If you aren't sure what to do, then do nothing. Sit quietly and the answers will come when you least expect them.
Try to keep the focus on you. Take care of your assets and make sure he doesn't have access to any of your account. If you have an Amazon account together, then set up a new one for yourself and do not share the info w/him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The problem is that I'm still a Full-time mom with no income of my own. My only account is our shared account. He's not going to throw me on the street, so I'm not super concerned about money (only that I'll be able to make enough on my own, when the time comes) I know I do need an account of my own, but I can't really open one till I have some money to put in it. I'm going to see if I can get a CC while we're still married, so I can use our household income to obtain it. That way I can start to build up credit in my own name.
Do we have any success stories on the board of walk away spouses with love affairs who actually came back to their families?
I bought a little gift that our kid can give him for his birthday next week. Do I need to do anything else? It's just a personalized mug with a picture.
I bought a little gift that our kid can give him for his birthday next week. Do I need to do anything else? It's just a personalized mug with a picture.
No, I think that is perfect. I did not do anything but send basic TM saying happy birthday.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Anybody? I'm at a loss right now. Don't know if I should give up completely. They're in love. Enough to leave their respective marriages and kids. What do I do know? Should I let him know I know about his rendezvous with her last weekend? Better not.
Does the OW's husband know about the affair??? If not, do not ask your husband or warn him (and certainly don't believe anything he's told you). Instead contact the OW's husband and let his know what you know is going on. He probably has no clue.
Even if your husband said he knows and they are separated, divorcing, etc. - don't believe it. Confirm what he knows and verify facts independent of your husband.
OW's husband is entitled, just as you are, to know the truth about his life. NOT telling him makes you a co-conspirator with your husband and his OW in keeping the affair a secret. A position most BS's don't want to be in.
Sure talking to OW's husband will upset your husband but your marriage can survive his anger whereas it can't survive his ongoing continuing secretive infidelity.
You control you and telling OW's husband is the decent thing for you to do.
Sounds like a workplace affair too....I'd tell his bosses too, but that's just me. Your children are looking towards you to fight for their family. They ain't "in love" the are in "secretive affair lust" - which is a temporary condition experienced by persons with inadequate coping mechanism who end up talking to each other about their problems and issues instead of their respective spouses....THEN, they confuse the feelings they derive from such inappropriate sharing as romantic feelings and suddenly their clothes fall off...endorphins (PEA's) are released and these losers that are destroying everything decent in their lives THINK that they are "in love". It's pitiful if it wasn't sooooo benignly common.
Your husband THINKS you are and should be happy for him and best friends with him and this low life woman that dates married men. Being nice to him only feeds that fantasy while being mean to him only pushes him further away....THEREFORE, I feel your best bet is to separate yourself from him and NOT communicate with him whatsoever until such time as he no longer is talking to or seeing his OW.
If he wants to see the kids...arrange for a third party intermediary like his parents to facilitate such. Don't see him or talk to him other than to tell him:
"Your behavior has devastated me and it needs to stop. I love you and I'm not going to sit around begging or waiting for you attention while you run around with some hooooor ruining your own life, mine and our children's family in the process. Therefore, until you end your affair, establish "no contact" with OW and commit to a recovery plan for our marriage you are no longer welcome in my life. All communications about the children shall be through email (and have a friend screen the emails to weed out any and all extraneous information not relating to the children). Do not call me or stop by. I will let you know how and where you can recover your personal property and I expect you to continue to support your wife and children financially as you always have without having to seek temporary support orders from the court.
THEN you GAL yourself...work on you for your own piece of mind and to become a better person, mother and wife to this guy (should he change his wayward ways) or the next guy.
Take care.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
