Phoenix slowly rising

[T-boned]

Thanks TL and cc. I'm not even on FB, but I know he is and his GF is. So that is not an option and I have been pretty good about not 'looking' for anything. I always figured it would be better to just keep my eyes straight ahead. Not that I don't desperately want to look at his FB page to see what he's posting - I could go through my friend across the street and I think she looks at his stuff, but she's been good about not tempting me with it.

My therapist had me do an interesting exercise. Two columns - one with all his good traits, the other all the less desirable traits. Then draw a figure of him and fill it with both the good and 'bad' traits. Look at that and see if that is what you want to go back to. I have to say, the less desirable traits (lying, faking it, not honoring vows and a few other things)kind of overshadowed the good traits.

Got the divorce papers in the mail yesterday - Aug 25th we're done. Makes me sad he couldn't be a mature man about all this. Now it's some other womans's problem. Maybe they'll be good together. I really hope he does find happiness. But I also hope he regrets leaving, something tells me he won't though. Oh well.... Move on.

Thanks again, cc and TL.

[TL72*]

I remember getting that letter in the mail too and it is sad.
For me it offered a closure date though. I think I was thinking about it less and less after it was final. Don't get me wrong, I still think about it, just not as often and not in the same context. Sounds like a good exercise that your therapist told you about. I hear ya on the "mature man" bit - just don't think they're capable of that right now, maybe not ever again. Hard to say. He probably does have regrets but that's his feelings and none of your business. I mean that with love of course, just sayin' you have to stop emotionally investing in a dead relationship. These are just things I say to myself to help me keep moving forward. The past is the past now, I figure if I keep telling myself that it will eventually be so . I'll be thinking of ya. Make plans for that date to have a celebration, your new freedom, becoming a whole person on your own, pamper yourself that day.

[T-boned]

To anyone who may remember me, I dropped out for quite a while. Moving on. It has been very difficult but I just had the other shoe drop the other day. Ex-H tells me he's getting married this June to the woman he started dating in Dec'13 - proposed to her this past Thanksgiving - not even a year having known her. And they plan to adopt a child right away (mind you she has two children ages 10 & 13). It's insane.Should be interesting to watch.

[cczamo]

T-boned, I do remember you, and hope you are doing okay after your exH married last month (June 2015). My exH also married his OW in April, 5 months after her divorce and only 9 months after our divorce. I'm at least glad for the closure.
Please take care of yourself.

I guess TL72 is doing okay.....?

[123Gwen]

T-boned so sorry you have to deal with more fall out. I am fortunate that H lives cross country and is NC with me and our children. It used to upset me but it sure makes my life easier day to day. I mean they could tell people they're married for all I know. As longest the support is deposited I am invisible.

It is sad but sounds like you are that beautiful Phoenix. Stay strong and know many people keep you in pray and are cheering you on. You deserve all the best in life. Let XH build a life on sand and lies. It will never stand strong.

Thanks for posting. Stay on the best path for you.

[T-boned]

Thank you, 123Gwen. What a surprise to check here after so many months and find a couple of posts! Thank you for your kind words, they made my day.
If it weren't so late, I'd get myself caught up with you and your sitch but I'm just about to climb into bed. Hopefully, tomorrow night I will have some time to return and check out your journey through the madness.
I am so sorry you had to go through this, too.

[T-boned]

Hey cczamo! I remember seeing your name quite often, and that we had some back and forth over the last couple of years.
Thank you for posting - it made my day (also got one from 123Gwen). I never expected to hear from anyone.
Turns out XH got married in May - they had to move it up so a family member could make it out for the big event.
ACKK, they even registered for wedding presents!! Here she is doing very well financially with her real estate business, driving a BMW SUV, and him with his half of our home equity and they're both close to 50! Registering for silverware, bedsheets, place settings, knives,wine glasses, coffeemaker, etc...oh the list goes on - it was disgusting and embarrassing to see. So immature and selfish. Not like they were 22 with no money and nothing to call their own. Oh well, they deserve each other.
I've come to think he is really just a, for lack of a better word, gold-digger. Looking back on things, I even think I was a victim. Some of my family members and friends feel the same way. I don't even want to talk to or see him anymore. I tried really hard to be 'grown up' and accepting of all this, but I now see him in a different light. I cannot be downgraded to 'friend' after being his wife, especially since this was not a mutual decision. So he's lost me for good. I just hope one day he realizes what he left behind once all the glitter of this relationship wears off. I hope she got a pre-nup (glad I did)- she's gonna need it.....

[T-boned]

cczamo - sorry I got so caught up in my rant, but I did want to mention TL72 - I have not heard from her in quite a while. I posted to her a while back but never got a reply. I think she checks in periodically, but think she is doing so well she doesn't need this site much anymore. I'll bet she's fine! She seemed to really have her head on straight. But I miss her...

[BrightFuture]

Hey T, I remember you. It is good to “hear” from you. I cannot believe your xh did the wedding registry thing. I don’t know anyone who would be this age (almost 50) and do that like some new weds in their 20th. This is totally weird. It makes me think that they are living in a bubble. I guess people would do anything to keep the excitement going, LOL. Looks like house of cards that is ready to crumble any time.

I hope you are taking care of yourself.