Az, I am on a zero pressure kick. I haven't brought up anything for the past week and a half. Since then she has bounced between giving me a pot of soup to ignoring me to trying to sit by me and everything in between.
W has the house, kids, vehicle, vacations, etc that she has wanted. I enjoyed making all those things possible. She worked part time to be with the boys more, and I had to work OT a lot to accommodate it.
2 weeks ago, and this was the last time!, I told her that I was here now, willing to do the work to make us great...but I wouldn't be there forever. Yeah that was my last pressuring time.
I am starting to live my life, but I can't say it's for me yet. It's getting there, but I am not there yet!
I still want her back, but changes will be in order first! Before, I would have jumped right back, but I have some stipulations now.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
At kid exchange, W handed me a loaf of pumpkin bread, we discussed some financial junk. She brought up that she hadn't seen any child support yet, and the email I received from the lawyer wasn't mean, and shouldn't have put me on a bad mood last weekend. I told her that it's just another reminder of this, just like my paycheck today saying child support. And then, I screwed up, I said that I didn't choose this. I pretty much left after that. So, I had a bit of a backslide. Wasn't hateful or anything, just shouldn't have said it
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
As I've been told over and over again...so you had a backside. No big deal. Do better next time. It's okay D. I don't know the number of mistakes I've made and probably will make. The point is...you are trying. And you are DEFINITELY making progress!
I'm on your side, my friend! Just keep doing the best you can.
However, her giving you food when you swap the kids, or sending home by the kids......is one of her ways of keeping you emotionally attached. She is reminding you, just as much as the child support checks are reminders.
So, when are you going to stop going inside her house at kids swap?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
So, a truth dart is actually a good thing. I was afraid it was a big no no. I guess that it was my 2nd one in 2 weeks. I was afraid I had screwed up again!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Something had happened in the last 24 hours. I feel different. I am conflicted on this "new" me. I am finding myself less attracted to W. I have been informed that there are many rumors, I don't think they are true, but they are there. Yesterday, I was thinking about building a small house, and I got excited about it. Plans for the single me, and I actually feel ok with them. I even talked to someone about getting some land. I haven't completely given up on W, but I feel like I can move forward for myself and the boys today. She has texted me, and I answered vlafter a while, very short answers. I haven't responded to the last one, because it wasn't about the boys. I feel like now, I have boundaries that she would have to honor for me to take her back.
I will not be walked all over anymore. We always did holidays with her family on the holiday, and mine whenever we could squeeze it in. Then she would try and make me feel guilty that we didn't spend enough time with them, even though it would be a couple times per month.
I know, it doesn't matter really. But she has always put everyone else in front of our M. Not sure why I never realized it until now
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
