wow, mind is blown 8

[Azzork]

I thought I was just being nice

I think you were being nice. But that doesnt really matter, right?

[Uphill]

I don't know how much longer I can take this crap. I am just at the point where one of these days XF makes a stupid comment or does something ridiculous I'm gonna end up grabbing her by the ears and telling her everything I have been bottling up since February. I have put so much effort, heart, soul and anything else I have to offer into trying to save our relationship just to keep getting sh!t on. Any time I think we are getting settled into a routine with schedule and drop off/pick up places she wants to change it. To suit her. I'm about at the end of my rope. I'm scared that one of these days I'm gonna look her square in the eye and just say it is now or never, make up your mind.

Ugggghhhh just needed to vent so I don't flip on her tonight!

[Uphill]

And it continues this morning. I went to meeting spot to get s4 and take him to moms for the day. As usual I was there a few minutes early. When I got there, the parking lot was full where we usually park so I pulled into a spot on the other side. (About 50 feet from normal). Right before she got there, that side of the lot opened up. I was just ready to move over when XF arrived so I just stayed where I was. She pulled into where we usually are, looked around and saw me, then pulled over beside me. When I got out, I said "I'm sorry about being over here, the lot was full when I got here". She stared through me and didn't even acknowledge I said a word. I got S4 out of her car, turned around and she was still glaring at me. I loaded him up and then she wanted to be all nice and say bye, all that. I looked at her and drove away.

A person can only take so much disrespect. If I was 20 minutes late or something like that I can see acting a little upset. But over where I parked? Ridiculous! I can feel the anger and resentment building the last 24 hours...

[EyeTie]

Uphill, kill her with kindness but be stand offish. Think before you speak. Say the situation was reversed and you had to find her, would SHE apologize? When you deal with her, ask yourself "how would she treat me" and go from there. You didn't owe her an apology, it wasn't your fault the lot was full. Be strong and use the "less is more" approach.

[Uphill]

I understand, I saw frustration on her face and just wanted to let her know I wasn't parked there to "mess" with her.

If the roles were reversed I wouldn't have made any kind of reaction so there wouldn't have been a need for anything to be said. I would have assumed when she pulled in the spots were full....

[Thornton]

Remember that the walk-away is always looking for reasons to be angry with you to justify in their minds the reasons they have left.

If you give her nothing to be mad about, it throws her off. Don't give her a reason.

[Uphill]

I didn't do anything to intentionally make her mad. I just had nothing to say when she changed faces and wanted to talk then. Saying nothing was better than saying what was on the tip of my toungue.

[EyeTie]

Remember that the walk-away is always looking for reasons to be angry with you to justify in their minds the reasons they have left.

If you give her nothing to be mad about, it throws her off. Don't give her a reason.

This is exactly what I was trying to convey. WW's are always looking for an excuse to say to people "SEE THIS IS WHY I DID WHAT I DID!" when it comes to the LBS. My WW, even after almost 8 months, still looks for faults and when she can't find them she goes nuts and will make issues appear out of thin air.

[Uphill]

Met XF tonight to give her S4. XF = completely different person again! We were able to joke around and had a little small talk. The only thing that bothered me a little was talking about some doc appts for s4 she had to throw in the "since we aren't together anymore" line for some reason? Overall seemed like old times except for the fact that we pulled out and went separate directions...

[asitis]

Been there. Done that. You're getting good insight from the others. I get a lot of the cold, disrespect and then the come here niceness. I've had to learn the hard way that it is about not reacting much to either. Pleasant and happy with life either way. This is all about them and not about anything you did or said. You have to remember that, and then not try to smooth things over or explain yourself when they give you the cold stare or the angry explosion. Show them that they are free to express themselves safely. Show them that you're OK and have no real need for them to be other than they are unless it impacts your S. Show them that they have lost their power over you, that your happiness doesn't depend on them. This is just a business arrangement that you intend to conduct well.

In time it may settle down. In time you may get a different response from them. In time they may deal with their issues and then be able to interact with you in a healthy way. Be compassionate and let them be with their own sh*t without you stirring it by reacting to them. Don't give them the excuse that this has something do do with you so that they may be able to help themselves by looking inward and facing the hard work they will have to heal their own suffering and make themselves happy people.

Recognize the power she is giving you. You are the reason she is the way she is - that's what she believing. That is an awful lot of power she has given you. Can you use it wisely and compassionately by not abusing it and handing it gently back to her by not reacting to her hot - cold routine?

You did it during that cold stare. You've got this one.