Wife left, and I've only made it worse.

[Vanilla]

I have been NC since May 2 2015.

Last night and today my WH sat outside the house staring in.

The wayward does wayward things.

V

[johne]

Man, I know about this new guy. Not sure if she's seeing him or what, but I know they are Facebook friends and he thinks she is hot. I want to say something to her so bad, it isn't even funny.

[Azzork]

Man, I know about this new guy. Not sure if she's seeing him or what, but I know they are Facebook friends and he thinks she is hot. I want to say something to her so bad, it isn't even funny.

Out of curiosity, what would you say?

[johne]

Just say are you seeing so and so? Then say that's pretty crappy to do while still married. Basically start a fight.


She did text me tonight, but only cause I texted the girls and said they could stay with me the rest of the week and she got mad. Completely ignored what she said. She talked the girls into staying with me tonight, which is her weekend, to go out with her friends.

[Vanilla]

There is a technique called "truth dart", in that technique you state the obvious in an unemotional way, followed by STFU without judgement or argument.

For example: "I know you spent 200 on new shoes/golf clubs"

Response " no, blah, blah......."

Then "we both know that isn't so"

As opposed to
" you spent 200 on new stuff, you selfish xyz. No consideration that we won't eat this week. You make me very annoyed"

Then "well you blah blah"

Then "blah, blah argue, blah"
-------------------------------------
So " I saw you were chatting on Facebook to ABC"

Response " none of your blah, blah, checking up, blah blah"

Then " I know that you are"

-------------------------------------------

In my own case I called my WH on his whereabouts

" I know your location and I know you are seeing XYZ"

Response " you have no right to check up on me, who do you think you are, I am coming home now to collect my things and leaving."

"We both know that you are seeing XYZ"

He collected his things and went.
-------------------------------------
Later he said " I caused our break up by seeing XYZ"

My response "yes"

Then he said " there wasn't anything in it, blah, blah, just a friend. You have driven away all my friends"

Then I repeated "we both know all of that is untrue"

STFU and walk away.

------------------------------------------------

Recently text " I need to move home, if I come home I will be alright"

Resonse " I don't want you here"

Then " it is what I need to do, I can use the law blah, blah"

Then "That will not happen. I will no longer be abused"

Text WH " It's in your head, I didn't, you.......blah blah"

Finally V , " we both know that is untrue." block text.

------------------------------------

Essentially it took me 18 months before I could apply the technique in my life.

So this is adapted from a google of truth dart:

Truth Dart: A short statement that cuts through confusion and chaos, planting the seed of a question in their mind.

Typically you won’t receive a mature response at the time of delivery. Truth darts grow as another processes the insight. Short statements cut through the haze beneath detection; long monologues may lose attention or incite too much anger. They aren’t about realizing an immediate change and a thank you for your honesty. Truth darts have no tip, they’re a mirror. They’re upsetting because directing to the mirror encourages thinking, forcing them to face the truth and consequences. The delivery of a truth dart needs to be calm, firm and cordial rather than curt, rude or demanding. An irritable tone may drowned out the meaning of your words so that your message goes unreceived.

Truth darts aren’t criticisms, complaints, insults or rants and they shouldn’t be confrontational, but sometimes they hurt. They may feel the sting of painful truth and reacts with Monster. Sometimes they admits the validity, sometimes the dart is subtle enough that they don't immediately feel the sting; instead the truth dart may quietly plant a seed and that seed of dissent with may grow. It may enable them to doubt their actions, or feel shame and guilt, but they may or may not associate it with the truth dart sent by you since the seed grows gradually and brings their own thoughts and associations. A neutral and detached delivery will have a better chance of penetrating the barriers that may have built to keep you out.

V

[johne]

Think I'll just ignore her. I'm actually getting to the point I don't care if I hear from her.

[johne]

Ok, so I said something. All I said was that I k ow she has a new Facebook friend that thinks she is hot and that I know she is messaging him.


She responded about 15 times saying who is it and no she's not. Then tried to call. I ignored it all. Then she called me a p---y for not answering. Then said she k ones I've been messaging girls cause they've told her. I have not messaged any girl what so ever.

[EyeTie]

JOhne. Best advice I can give is delete her on FB. It's a rough spot to do, I did it with my WW and it was the best decision I have ever done. I also blocked my WW for a few months so she coudln't even see me on FB. The nice thing is that all the pictures we were tagged in together were hidden from my view, so it was like I cut her right out of my life.

[johne]

She's blocked me, but she knows I can still see her posts. Doesn't matter anymore. After these last 5 days of no contact I pretty much don't care anymore.

[EyeTie]

JOhne, now is the time to GAL. Get out there buddy, find something to do, something you have always wanted to do but never did. GALing saved me from insanity, it's tough, it can stink at times, but I live for new adventures now.