Yes I see the and feel the difference. Before I was desperate for him to stay and work things out now I want him but I don't need him. Even though he has hurt me more than I ever thought possible I still feel like we are soul mates.
"It's funny how the person you would take a bullet for is the one that pulled the trigger"
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
EP, checking the temp...that is a hard habit to break. I am glad you are aware that you've been doing it. That is first thing to be able to curtail yourself From continuously checking.
I am in a much better place today. There are things I will never understand, mostly the 'why' and how he can't see that I could never meet his unvoiced expectations. Some things aren't meant to be understood, only accepted.
I accept our marriage is over. I want a new one, a better one. I accept that he is broken. I accept that I do not know what the future holds but it will be amazing I accept that I am worth more than how he values me for I accept that I do not know what he is thinking or feeling
I am going to try and start feeling some compassion for him but I am not quite sure I am there yet. I do forgive him for feeling like there was no hope and that he must have felt this was the only answer. I have not forgiven him for how he got there (alone) and how he handled everything after BD.
Thank you all for your continued support. I would not be where I am without you. Six months in is just around the corner and I already feel a lot stronger than I did 6 months ago.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
Ancaire - I was looking for you earlier, no wonder I couldn't find you. LOL good to know
I wish I could take all of the credit but I have gotten some really amazing advice and guidance on this board from so many people. They have really helped me get to this place and for that I will be eternally grateful.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
I am in a much better place today. There are things I will never understand, mostly the 'why' and how he can't see that I could never meet his unvoiced expectations. Some things aren't meant to be understood, only accepted.
Ep, most of us roll around in the why pit for a while. I did. And truth is, I still don't know why. STBX's stated reasons for having the affair and leaving me were 1) my closet was messy, and 2) my weight had fluctuated throughout the years while I was having his three kids. (I am not overweight). Yep, I'm guilty of both. But believe it or not, it was only with the help of my IC and some good people here that I realized that some men see a closet as functional storage space and not a character flaw, and that the changes a woman's body goes through while having children do not make her unworthy of love.
If you feel like there's some "why" that's related to you, for instance, you ate bon bons and sat on the couch all day and neglected the house and the kids, or if you nagged him mercilessly, or you withheld sex, well, then, there's some work to do on you. If the "why" is related to him, just accept that you may never understand. And climb on up out of that why pit. There's a better life ahead.
Sunny - you know what? He hasn't given me any "why" other than "we grew apart" "I'm not there anymore". That's all he has to say ever on the subject and told me that he has nothing else to say to me on the matter. That's it. That's all I have to go on. A part of me wishes he had complaints, specific complaints. I am walking in the dark here.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
Sunny - you know what? He hasn't given me any "why" other than "we grew apart" "I'm not there anymore". That's all he has to say ever on the subject and told me that he has nothing else to say to me on the matter. That's it. That's all I have to go on. A part of me wishes he had complaints, specific complaints. I am walking in the dark here.
My STBX said he was "moving in a different direction". I'll never understand why it was OK for half of a married couple to "move in a different direction" without consulting the other. But, that's the why pit again.
Ep, we are probably never going to understand. So be it. A friend of mine who just broke up with his girlfriend likened it to a math problem with one correct answer but more than one way to solve it. If you get to the same answer, does it really matter how you got there?
I am extremely busy at work which I am grateful for because there is no time during the day to dwell on anything. I am so tired at the end of the day that my GAL activities aren't what they used to be. Meh. I forced myself and my sister to go have some fun last night and it was well deserved!
I am taking S4 shopping for a Halloween costume this weekend and a party to go to on Sunday. He loves the Halloween store and making all the scary things go off in the store. I swear, my kid is not afraid of anything. LOL
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
I just wanted to say I've caught up on your situation, and I think you're doing a fantastic job. We're the same age and have similar timelines, and I'm impressed with how you have been handling all of this.
Me: early 30s Husband: early 30s Married 3 years, together 6 No children
ILYBINILWY: 3/2015 He asks for divorce: 4/2015 Moves out for good: 5/2015 I start the divorce process 8/2015
