Can ALL marriages be saved?

[MrBond]

Okay, aside from you being overly critical, have you complimented and thanked him when he does something? Have you worked on your overall physical and mental self?

[Gmum]

Yes, those are exactly the things I'm trying to do.

[MrBond]

Can you be more specific? As it states in DB and DR, it actually helps to write the goals down and to be as specific as possible.

For example: I will lose 20 pounds / I will change my hairstyle to be sexier / I will take yoga 2 times a week to help meditate, etc.

The goals can be VERY empowering.

[Gmum]

I try to exercise as much as I can, I went to a meditation intro session, I read and listen to audio books. I want to finally get a license, I want to know how to make a budget and keep it. Be less of a couch potato.

[MrBond]

Ok from what you wrote, it seems you're not very motivated to change. Sometimes men have to SEE the change physically to notice things. You have to have something to focus your energies on. You WORK on your goals.

[Azzork]

Hello Gmum -
I saw this post and I want to offer some help. I can see that you have some vague ideas about how you want to change yourself, but they are so unspecific, that I don't see how you can follow through on them. For example, let's say you "want to eat healthier". Does going from a super-size fries with every meal to a large fries at every meal count? It's a smaller portion size, so I guess so. There's no way to measure "eat healthier" so there's no way to check if you are succeeding.

In my experience, your goals should be SMART:
Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Relevant
Time-based

So with that in mind, let's look at your outline:

I try to exercise as much as I can - how often? How long? Does walking briskly to the mailbox count? Do you have a target for weight or for capability?

I went to a meditation intro session - will you continue? Do you have plans for something similar?

I read and listen to audio books - what kind? How many?

I want to finally get a license - what are the specific plans you have to do this? By when?

I want to know how to make a budget and keep it - again, what steps will you take to do this? By when?

Be less of a couch potato - how will you measure this? Hours of tv watching per day? What is your goal?

You can do it Gmum, but it isn't going to happen unless you COMMIT to it.

[ATPeace]

^^^^^^ great advice once again ^^^^^^^^^

[Gmum]

He has all these little trips planned before the big one. Can't help but think he's going to see his EA.

[Gmum]

So weird, I wrote two responses last night re how I'm changing. They didn't show up, but the above comment about him seeing his EA came immediately.

[ATPeace]

Keep posting it really helps