E - I'm so happy you're getting to have positive interactions with H! I don't know what it means, either, but talking and no stress? That's such a good thing. I hate having my stomach tied up in knots whenever my H is around.
He just texted me asking if my Mom or Sister were going to the Open House tonight, S4 was asking his parents if they were going. I said no but I didn't care if they wanted to come. He wrote back "I think it should just be the 3 of us"
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
I don't know where my head is at today. H came to pick up S4 to take him to his friend's kid birthday party. He knocked on the door, no longer uses his key or comes right in. I guess that is good in the sense he is seeing the house as mine. I feel sad, angry, grief stricken, and at a loss today. Why does it seem like we make strides in moving on and then feel like I am back to square one out of the blue? I am just really missing him lately.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
Because it's not a straight line, Ep. We swirl around, pass by the beginning again and again. But someday you'll notice that it gets longer and longer in between trips.
BD for me was a year and a half ago. I still cry, I cried in the middle of the meeting with the attorneys the other day. It's entirely possible that I'll cry forever. But I don't cry every day, or even every week. In between I work and laugh and play and hang out with friends.
Don't beat yourself up for being human, it's ok to grieve. In fact, if you are ever going to truly move on, it's necessary. And it takes as long as it takes.
Thanks everyone. Sunny - you're right. I didn't think about it that way. It used to be 7 days was my max and the need to temp check consumed my thoughts. I don't have that "need" anymore. I haven't felt this way in several weeks so I need to ease up on myself.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
I'd add to what Sunny said: sometimes we have to work through the same stage multiple times before it really takes hold. It is just where you are and what you need to be going through right now in a way. I suspect it is also different this time through. You aren't really back to square one. You are aware of what you are going through this time. So now you get to watch yourself struggle and adjust. The first time, you couldn't really see it for what it was. Now you get to more fully experience it. You'll have different insights this time through, and you'll probably be able to embrace it this time for what it is. Then, maybe you can let go of some little piece that you're stuck on.
So, don't be hard on yourself, recognize the ways in which it may seem like it was before but I bet you can see and therefore appreciate some growth and development if you look for it.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
I like to think of my emotions like a sine wave. By going through this process, my downs aren't as far down, and the periods are farther and farther apart. As long as you keep moving forward, you will keep growing.
