Generally, I have been following the DB rules with gusto. I have started wearing aftershave again, have new threads, look confident and have been pleasant to W and having a really good time with the kids.
Huddy - Im glad to see you posting again, even if it's sporadically.
What you wrote ^^^ is good, and I will recommend whole-heartedly all of Sandi's rules. But Im not sure that I would say that this is "DB-ing". All of that is a part of it, but theres a lot more than just that. I hope that some day that you will at least give the rest a serious shot.
False alarm..... good. Would have been v strange if both you and NDY had that on your plates.
I'll let Az answer but I think he means tweaking your actions and interactions in relation to specific goals re W.
Good luck mate.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
So, nightmares are back at the minute. That's a shame as I'd been sleeping pretty well. Past three nights I'm only getting 4/5 hours, so a bit tired. This is causing me to fall asleep in the bath!
I'm struggling with being the lighthouse. I've been re-reading this section and I understand the principles. I am, internally, worried that if my W takes my kids away, I'll be unable to forgive that. My D (who is five)is telling me every day that she doesn't want me to go and is being really clingy. This, obviously upsets me greatly, but I can't let W see that and I have resisted telling her that is what my D is saying. My D says she doesn't want to tell W, as she'll get angry with her.
I'm also struggling with 'doing what's working'. OK, I see how doing what I'm doing now has stopped the spew and it's all calmed down, but it $ucks. I've tried to do some basic communication with her (you know, hello, how are you) but I get no response, or limited response, so I've gone back to drinking STFU smoothies, but they taste terrible!
As for pregnancy, that appears to be about her friend. That's a weight off my mind. I feel for NDY in this sitch. Again, it's a fire I don't know if I could control.
GAL is mainly reading, exercising etc. which I enjoy. Playing with the kids is good as well. W has had to deal with her own car insurance renewal (much to her disgust - she tutted at me when I said I wasn't dealing with it) and she is in a depressive cycle.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Not being a vet, take this with a pinch of salt, but from reading here that is good. She is facing reality and getting closer to being separated from you, she is still not happy.She is getting what she wants and is not happy. Maybe just maybe she will realize that.
But she is most likely still blaming you. She had to get out of her M because of you and now the future looks crap because of you.
One day she will realise it is not because of you. She is unhappywith or without you.
I understand how you will find it hard to forgive your W for splitting the family. I also understand that it will be harder for you to accept her back once that step is taken. Cross that bridge later if you get to it.
As for doing what works, yes it does suck when nothing seems to help. But recently Michelle said that sometimes the best we fan fi us to stop the downward spiral. And that is already big success.
Good luck. Any news on house sale?
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Huddy hearing roistering get that she has to see that she has to see being unhappy when leaving made sence to me at the moment all my w keeps saying is that she feels better now we have seperated I am thinking about you huddy
Take care Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Yes, unhappy she is (sound like Yoda). Happiness is here and in the future, not in the past. I also noticed in her internet history, she'd been looking at people she'd been at school with, and not seen from 35 years ago. There is no need to go back, come forward with me!
House sales in the UK are notoriously slow to formulate. More viewers, more survey downloads. It's getting tiresome as well.
Hi Ghost
Remember the 0/50 rule from sandi2. She's still in spew mode with you. Calm down a bit here and drink those horrible STFU smoothies!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
W actually phoned me today! Ok, it was mundane stuff she was asking about, but we had a couple of minutes conversation. I was pleasant throughout, agreed with what she wanted, was warm but not over enthusiastic and ended the call first. It felt normal, but I could tell she was still awkward and distant.
I would like to get some convo going with her, but how? I am assuming when I return home today, I will get the silent treatment, which I hate.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
