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[HaWho]

Hi Mleigh- so good to hear the bed was hauled away! Woo Hoo!

I can't remember if you said what your plans are for the room? Looks like a good project!

[mleigh4]

Hi Hawho. Son and I have been throwing some ideas around for the spare room. I am thinking either a daybed or a futon. I like having an extra bed in the house. Then maybe a mini pool table. Not really sure yet.

I am so happy that bed is gone! Wish I had done it sooner.

[mleigh4]

What was intended as a quiet weekend ended up being a busy one. And an interesting one with H...

Friday night, went bowling with my co-workers. It was a company sponsored event and I had a good time. Boy, am I a horrible bowler! And my back is killing me!

Saturday I got S ready to go to his dad's. H and FIL showed up, they were heading to H work to get a bobcat tractor from his shop and to take it to H place so he can smooth out all the weeds. H basically lives on an unimproved lot, no trees or anything, just dirt and 3 feet tall weeds! S wasn't feeling that great, was having some tummy issues, so H and I agreed he could stay with me and we would switch his night to the next. H texted me later that evening saying he was learning how to control the bobcat and ended up dumping dirt all over his head. He sent me a picture, was pretty funny. He then texted again later asking if I could pick him up the next day at the dealership while his truck got serviced, and we could go do Costco. I said sure.

Sunday morning I was doing some things around the house. I had placed a few of H things in the garage and it hasn't been sitting well with me. It feels...disrespectful. So I moved them back into the house, but into spare closets so they are still put away.

S and I went to pick up H and we went shopping. While at Costco, H got some steaks and mentioned that we could all go to his place and bbq, and that he really wanted to show me the bobcat. He lives for these types of things. I kind of brushed it off, as I have mentioned before, I get real uncomfortable at his place. When leaving Costco, he asked me again. So I told him, it sounds good, but I get a little uncomfortable being at his place, but that I would give it a try. A 180 for me to be so honest about my feelings, got a big smile in return.

Ended up spending the day there. Sat in the kitchen with H and we chatted it up like old times. It didn't take me long to relax and feel ok being there. We got a bottle of wine, he poured us a glass, and he clinked mine with a cheers. It was strange, seeing all the things he has gotten to decorate and make it homey. So so very strange, but I really worked on not taking it personal. I am accepting, this is something he needed to do.

After eating, he took us outside and wanted us to watch him drive the tractor around. It was pretty funny, he seemed so happy. When it started getting late and I had to go, he wanted to show me and S some of the work he did last night in the field. We walked out, he was telling us about his neighbors and showing us the property lines. Then he turned to me and said, rent out the house and buy this! I just chuckled, but man, that hit me. What confusing signals from this man!!

One thing is for sure, he came out of his tunnel today. I actually spent a very rare day with my husband. We had great conversation, fun family time, and when I was leaving, he told me he was really glad I went over.

[job]

Your h was a happy camper! He sounded like a child who was really excited for "mom" to approve of all the work he had done. I'm glad the day went well.

Oh my! Those mixed signals do come into play w/them!

[HaWho]

Wow Mleigh-nice job communicating that you are uncomfortable being at his place. Sounds like a really nice peek out day!

Of course, you know what you need to do now? Borrow the bobcat and bring it home with you. Lol!

[CaliGuy]

M

It is kinda nice to get a peek at the old H/W is it not... I felt like had I not been able to get a peek here and there I may have tossed that rope long ago.... I swear at times they know deep down and give us just a little peek to keep us on the line, at least for me I kinda needed that here and then just to hang in there a touch longer

Glad that you had that day, definitely helps him having you be so calm and patient with all this making the rest of us look so antsy

I laughed at his suggestion of buying that place and renting out your house... MLCrs seem to need projects, some pick people (OPs) others go after new jobs/lifestyles .... Yours... A dumpy house ... Lol

[mleigh4]

Thanks guys, I will admit, spending the day with my old H was like a sign, or a reminder, of what I have been standing for. A reminder of who we were and who we could be.

For him, it may have just been a peek out, to make sure I am still there. And yes, here I am. People always ask me, aren't you tired of this? Hasn't it been long enough? I always answer, it's not that easy. This truly is a test of sorts, no? To see exactly who we are and what we can handle.

Cali, H likes to play, with toys. Trucks, tractors, boats....You should have seen him driving that bobcat around while S and I watched....You would have thought he just built a house or something. He has always been that way. He seems to be so in need of approval and admiration for it...

Makes me wonder if this comes from him not getting enough attention or approval as a child. It seems it is never good enough with his parents, I watch how they treat my son and wonder if that's how they treated their own children. They show love, but praise is mixed. It's praise with a criticism....next time you can do better by doing this....

I see that behavior repeat with H to our son, which causes us to clash. Something for me to pay attention to.

What I mean is, make the effort to give H that approval, I wasn't very good at doing that in years past. I see a silly tractor mowing down weeds, but it obviously is much more to him!

[mleigh4]

I also got a chance to see what he does with all his free time. He literally has become Sanford and son, even referred to himself as such! People he works with know this, so he has collected lots of scraps of things. He had a bag of different chargers, a bunch of metal he is planning on turning in for money. He took a broken pop up tent from work, swapped the broken leg with our old pop up tent that had a good leg, duck taped all the edges and literally drilled it into his concrete patio.

He had some old electronic pinball looking game. Just lots of junk everywhere! His dad owns a tow yard and is famous for bringing over crap from cars. I used to always turn it down, but I see his mark everywhere in that house!

So, I see how he keeps himself busy...could be a lot worse, huh? However, I am grateful it's there and not here!

[mleigh4]

Duct taped!! OMG, I posted duck taped.

Speaking of ding bat things I have done, I have been on a roll lately. After Costco yesterday, S asked for a happy meal. So I pulled into the drive thru and ordered the happy meal with chicken nuggets. The lady asked me to repeat my order. So I again said happy meal with chicken nuggets. The lady said, we no longer have chicken nuggets. I said, what!!?? Since when!!?? H looked around and tells me, you are in the wrong drive thru. I was at the fast food, El Pollo Loco, NEXT to McDonald's! We all laughed so hard, I have never done that in my life

That one was almost as good as when I climbed into a big white truck after a pit stop, but it wasn't H truck! One of the most embarrassing moments ever. H used to find this very endearing about me.....

[mleigh4]

Job, I know I need to stop thinking about this or trying to figure H out....but something keeps eating at me. My H makes 6 figures, he has always liked nice things and enjoyed living in a nice home....I know many spouses affair down....is this a case of homing down? Is this possibly a reflection of his self worth to himself? Or do you think duct taping a pop up tent was just something to keep him busy versus paying $100 for a new one? It looks terrible! I just was looking around his place thinking.....this is what he left us for????