Where do I go from here, pt. 3

[beckyb]

This morning I sent my STBXH an email stating that the reason the D hasn't moved forward is because he and his L have not submitted anything. I attached my settlement proposal and copied my L. I'm done.

[Ancaire]

Are you in a good place, Becky?

I understand letting go, but encourage you to keep taking care of yourself.

[beckyb]

I finally moved fully into the anger phase of this whole thing but I'm ok. I'm praying that I don't become bitter and that I can eventually forgive. Thank you for asking.

[beckyb]

This morning I got a response to the email I sent H. He said he was sorry he sent the text and he should not have talked about M to OW. But he wanted to make sure I knew the marriage was over. DB coach thinks it might have been sent for someone else's benefit. Ball is in his court now. We'll see. I'm 99.9% sure I don't care.

[beckyb]

Here is a summary of my sitch recently. H countered my petition for legal separation with a petition for divorce on July 27. He didn't tell me he was doing it and then apologized up and down for surprising me. Then he did nothing with D for over a month when he said my attorney was dragging his feet. Mind you he hasn't moved all his stuff, hasn't changed his address on stuff etc.
Last week we got court dates, which are in Jan. and Feb. -first available. We don't have to wait for trial. H can submit a settlement proposal any time.
Saturday he texted to asked if I chose a January court date to drag things out in hopes he would change his mind. He said he planned to marry OW as she has a terminal illness and he wants me to move things along. Said he had fallen out of love with me a little at a time. He didn't mean to. He was sorry. He hopes I can forgive him Wow.
The next morning I called his bluff. I sent an email say the reason D had not moved forward was because he and his attorney had done nothing, and I attached my settlement proposal.
The next day he responded to say he was sorry. He shouldn't have sent the text but that he wanted me to know the marriage is truly over.
I asked my L why his L wasn't advising how to move forward. He said they were waiting for me to make a move because H had anxiety about finalizing.
My DB coach said it sounds like the text was sent for OW'S benefit. He wishes I had not responded to H. I felt his text was so disrespectful that I had to respond. And I responded in a respectful manner.

The ball is in his court. I'm anxious but fully trusting God with the outcome.

[gonegrl]

Becky I am sorry. You are in my prayers. It does sound like your H sent the text for OW's benefit, but it doesn't matter what his reasoning is.

[beckyb]

Having a lot of anxiety today. I think I'm cycling back to a little bit of shock and grief. And fear of the future. Probably triggered by H's texts this weekend and waiting for him to respond to my settlement proposal.

I need to focus back on one day-at-a-time thinking.

[Ancaire]

Breathe! Nice long, deep breaths. It will be ok.

[Avanti]

Having a lot of anxiety today. I think I'm cycling back to a little bit of shock and grief. And fear of the future. Probably triggered by H's texts this weekend and waiting for him to respond to my settlement proposal.

I need to focus back on one day-at-a-time thinking.

It is natural and OK to sometimes find yourself back in the grief cycle, the key to getting yourself moving forward is to gently acknowledge your thinking (as you have done already) and then move the focus of your mind to something else, something in the here and now.

For instance, concentrate on any noises you can hear, do not judge them simply acknowledge them, Shift your mind to think inside your body, what can you feel going on in there, aches and pains, tingles, pulsing, anything, maybe nothing? You aren't trying to find anything in particular you are just distracting your mind from wandering off onto uncomfortable topics. If your mind starts to wander back to the painful thoughts, when you become aware of it, acknowledge it and gently lead your mind back to what it was in the present that you thinking about.

Remember, as we've discussed before, if you keep thinking about something dark, each time it goes around in your head, you'll embellish it until it becomes something that's very hard to handle. If you find it happening, break the cycle by choosing to focus on something in the present and you'll find your mind calming itself really quickly.

I do this type of thing many times in a day and it is such a fantastic relief, when you've had a small amount of practise, to be able to intercept and diffuse a train of thought that not so long ago would have taken you over and made you feel wretched.

What have you got planned for the next few days beckyb? Do you have any thing special planned for the weekend? If not, maybe now's the time to getting your thinking cap on and arrange something...

[beckyb]

[quote=beckyb]

What have you got planned for the next few days beckyb? Do you have any thing special planned for the weekend? If not, maybe now's the time to getting your thinking cap on and arrange something...

I don't really have anything fun planned anytime soon and I need to do so. I've definitely had too much time on my hands.
Saturday I'm having a garage sale to get rid of some stuff and my BIL and SIL(actually H's brother)are coming over to help me finish a couple of projects. They are very supportive of me and very disgusted with H.