Rd, if your wife is annoying you by recanting the same lines over and over again to the point where it is annoying you, don't ignore her calls, tell her (she won't understand the reason you aren't answering is because she says the same things, she'll make up some other reason in her head). You don't have to shout it just say firmly and evenly that you don't want to hear that stuff anymore. Validating seems to be interpreted by some as just sucking everything up and saying "there, there it'll all be fine dear, just trample all over me and I'll be fine, don't worry about me..." simper, simper.
Maybe what some W's need is to see a bit of masculine backbone so they can grow some respect for their H. I am not talking about men strutting around expecting women to confirm to their every wish, but some strong leadership and direction is, I am led to believe and rapidly realising in a few experiments I've tried recently, something that draws women to a degree.
You strike me as a man with direction and grit, is that something you've lost a bit of and is part of your wife's lack of direction as she's nothing to anchor to anymore?
I'm on potentially dodgy ground here as it's quite new to me to think about it so consciously but I've realised I had become a bit of a push over and that it could of had some impact on the dynamics of my relationship with my W.
I'm trying to find something that's not all cave man and brutish, just a bit of grrrr, rather than too much automatic "yes dear".
Oh dear, I can feel the heckles of some to the female posters rising, I'd better stop, this is potentially dodgy ground and it's your thread not mine.
Enjoy the holiday, it'll be great fun regardless, because you are going to make it so. Pack a toothbrush for everyone and buy everything else out there, they do have shops you know. :-)
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Thanks Beagley. I have told her I do t want to hear or read texts about how sad she is. I did this about 6 weeks ago and they have stopped to a trickle. I know I'm making excuses for her and with her depression I do feel a certain responsibility to be there in some form.
The holiday is looming and I'm sure it will be great when we get there
Kids and I went off roading on sat afternoon and we had a great time. We started off slowly and then tackled death hill !!! It's a sixty foot 45 degree grass covered hill that the boys and I used as a ramp for jumping our koto x bikes The car went up no problem and all we could see was sky the whole way up. On the way down the front parking sensors were going off The nose of the car was so close to the ground before it levelled out !!!!
... I have told her I do t want to hear or read texts about how sad she is. I did this about 6 weeks ago and they have stopped to a trickle. I know I'm making excuses for her and with her depression I do feel a certain responsibility to be there in some [quote=rd500]Thanks Beagley. I have told her I do t want to hear or read texts about how sad she is. I did this about 6 weeks ago and they have stopped to a trickle. I know I'm making excuses for her and with her depression I do feel a certain responsibility to be there in some form.
So you aren't fully detached, which you need to deal with in your own time. Had you considered that by delaying that last little step you are making her sitch more difficult and both of your paths to healing will take longer? Bold steps sometimes need to be taken for unbelievable things to happen.
Originally Posted By: rd500
The holiday is looming and I'm sure it will be great when we get there.
You make what will a fantastic time sound ominous. The journey, including the days counting down to when you head off, is all part of the holiday too. No matter what happens you've got the smarts to deal with it, so enjoy yourself, starting now.
Originally Posted By: rd500
Kids and I went off roading on sat afternoon and we had a great time. We started off slowly and then tackled death hill !!! It's a sixty foot 45 degree grass covered hill that the boys and I used as a ramp for jumping our koto x bikes The car went up no problem and all we could see was sky the whole way up. On the way down the front parking sensors were going off The nose of the car was so close to the ground before it levelled out !!!!
Fantastic fun, I am deeply envious.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Hi Beagley. Your right re the letting the last little bit go As You know , I get no spew and EXW contacts me most days. I'm very lucky compared to a lot of people on here and I think I don't appreciate it fully.
I'm looking forward to holiday just a bit nervous of handling the 3 kiddos on the way over
Off roading was a blast and you right to be envious !!! How ever when RR tops out at 130 you can zip by in 3 rd gear !! I would have to go home s get the bike to catch you !
Appreciate the banter mate , takes my mind off it for a while
I'm looking forward to holiday just a bit nervous of handling the 3 kiddos on the way over
Why? They a "soon to be adults" give them responsibility for one another and you. If they perceive they have this they'll step up and make your life easier. Tell them, they'll each get a reward if they step up and if one of them doesn't no one gets the reward, that way they'll manage one another. You will need to stick with this, no giving way if one of them messes up, tough dad time. But, if this happens, find another way to make sure they get the treat, with a new task that involves them all again.
In over words, lead your family, don't do everything and they will each respect you more as a result. Face it, if you are nervous so will they be, so relax and they will too.
Oh and yes, you might catch me on your bike (just) in a straight line but I'd lose you in the bends.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
RD, there's always a lot to do to get ready for vacation. V makes a good point about there being stores where you are going, that's something I always console myself with when I'm packing. I know you'll have a wonderful time.
Hi Beagley. Busy day so just read your last post You car boys crack me up !!!!! My second to last car was an Imprezza STI Type R with 468 bhp at the wheels Full anti lag with launch control It could hit 60 in just over 3 seconds and it couldn't hold a candle to my R1 !!! I do appreciate the grip is a factor but when your so far ahead you could get off the bike , push it around the corner and still beat the car !!!!
Re the kids , they do all do their set jobs and they all help when they can. I have the usual teenage problems but I'm lucky to have great kids.
Hi. Sunny. I missed your post !! Thank you. I just booked us on the yellow submarine tour !!! a d jet skis. I'm going to have a ball !!! Have to find setting for the kids to do next !!!
I know you'll have a wonderful time.