Dealing with WW, Kids, and Divorce

[WhyUs]

I have woken up the last two nights angry with WW about the way she has treated me during this ordeal. Hopefully these dreams do not last long. I know anger is one of the phases of grief. I just thought I was at acceptance already.--guess I am bouncing back and forth.

Last night I just had to tell myself that I understood what WW is going through. This is not easy for her, she is hurting as well. I have contributed to this and have to accept what she has done to me and what I did to her. I imagined having this conversation with WW. It felt like forgiveness, but I know I am not ready for that yet. I am easily reminded of the bad things and despise her for that. I hope there is a time when I do not feel this way.

[WhyUs]

So last night WW was attacked by patient and ended up in the ER. I am not sure if I should ask if she is ok. I dropped the kids off last night and she seemed ok. I do not think it was that serious, probably more of a precaution.

I just know her and if she is like she was in the past she will hold it against me that I did not reach out and ask if she was ok.

Any thoughts?

[Vanilla]

I think as WW is your children's mum, some acknowledgement is appropriate, even if only to offer to have the kids to give her a break, or to ask if there is anything you should tell the kids if they hear misrepresented reports.

If It were me then I would say "I heard concerning reports that you were assaulted at work and were taken to ER. I hope the hospital is taking the safety of its staff seriously, let me know if you want me to keep the kids for a few days, I think shock can take a couple of days to settle. Stay well"

Or some such concerned neighbour validating.

V

[WhyUs]

I have not heard much in the way of what happened to her. S19 said that she told him it was not serious. I am going to send her a message letting her know I hope she is okay and I am willing to help with the kids if she would like.

[WhyUs]

So I woke up this morning wondering if WW will ever come back. I wondered how I could even take her back. I wondered if I could ever forgive her family for how they have treated me. I wondered if she was ever the right person for me.

She has caused me so much pain I am not sure I could ever forgive her. It would be hard not to resent her. I would want her to disclose the truth to all the people she has lied to. If she wanted it bad enough I suppose she would. There are friends that I would never want to speak to again and would not want her around. That would probably be a deal breaker for her. But if she wanted it bad enough she would do it.

I don't know if she will ever return but I am starting to think about my conditions if she ever does. I want to have a plan in place for how to handle it. I know I would have her do the no contact letter.

As I am writing this I can feel the anger inside of me. I hate that she has done this to me. At times I hate her. Then time passes and I forgive her in my mind. I can't imagine the roller coaster of trying to piece. Anyways, just my thoughts...

[overcom]

Whyus. I was just going through similar thoughts. How could we ever forgive them for what they are doing and then playing victim here. I mean for me it would need to be no Co tact ltr, he'd need to be transparent with me. I mean I don't know how to ever trust any one ever again. I've always had trust issues and now even more.
Soorry I have no advice as I'm looking for advice in this situation also. Just wanted to add my 2 cents in.

[WhyUs]

Thanks for stopping by overcome. I can't tell what upsets me the most, her playing victim, or people actually thinking she is a victim. I think the fact that her manipulation has worked on some people really bothers me.

[WhyUs]

Guess I'm still not fully detached, but not near as bad as I was. Kids are out of town with Grandparents and WW is not with them. I can't help but be curiuos about where she is. I'm not obsessing over it like I would have two months ago but I do want to know if she is with OM. I guess I am not 100% sure the relationship turned physical. I'm still not sure if she is still in the thick of the relationship. Wish I had a way of knowing the status of their relationship. The last thing I heard was two weeks ago when she told a friend it was just a friendship, they are best friends and some inappropriate things were said.

[overcom]

Hi whyus.
I totally understand your situation. Sometimes it helps me when I don't ask or snoop. I wish I was detached. It woukd make things easier. Your doing a great job. Continue onto a new you. She's a fool for leaving.. it's only a matter of time she'll realize it..

[overcom]

I forgot to ask you how long have you guys been apart? Living situation and separate?