so last night i was feeling so hurt. i felt like a failure at the one job i had of being a wife. these feeling came because of our "heart to heart" talk. there are so many signs there that he knows to come back home but he truly feels that hes just miserable overall. not only in the marriage but as a person. we agreed that he should probably move out so that way i wont get any hopes. he thinks that god sent him the dopie (the other woman, shes a heroin addict) for a reason. i told him that he was way smarter then that and he needs to find someone without that baggage, because at the end of the day if hes going to introduce the kids to the ow she should have positive aspects who can educate my kids or be someone influential not a druggie who cant even watch her own damn kid. i told him that if he wants to be with her then it will take time away from your kids cause if your trying to make sure shes not using drugs then that means you need to baby sit her (shes 10 yrs younger then him). so i told him, please find a girl who is like me hahahah, smart, godly, a family oriented person who wants the best for her loved ones. without any baggage. he was just listening and agreed. i told him i want him to be happy and that he deserves happiness and that i hope and pray that god can give him happiness, true happiness and some peace, hes been through so much in the last 1.5 yrs. so now i need to really stop trying with him and start trying to fix me. God is giving me this me time and i truely want to use it because I too deserve happiness whether its with him or not.
some thing i read last night really hit home: if you see me walking with someone else its not because i want to.. its because you werent brave enough to walk by me. if you see me simle, its not because i forgot you. its because i got tired of crying for you if you see me living again, its not because ivve moved on.. its bcause i hate the fact you can live without me. so if i fall in love with someone else, its not because i want to.. its because you werent there to catch me.
If it's any consolation, I'm deciding whether or not to confront my H about EA. He asked for D (denied OW) and works from home M-F, and goes somewhere else nights a weekends. Hee knows I know something, but I believe he thinks I don't KNOW.
He is seriously dumping our whole family for OW? Did he hit his head?
I don't know what to do, honestly. But he is suffering NO consequences as a result of his poor choices...that just doesn't feel right.
You know you took the words right out of my mouth. But my friend, they will regret it. We need to be strong and change for ourselves. We need to continue so only an idiot will want to leave. I need to take my own advice but it is so hard. I can't function. Knowing this ow is a danger (she's a druggie & ex criminal) it's like really dude. Your dumping everything for this trash. Good go and then we'll see who is the idiot at the end.
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Some do the things I. need to work on my self are: knowing how to speak to him. What to say, how to say and when to say. When I ask him a question he quickly thinks I'm assuming. He hates that and that's one thing I hate about myself. I assume to much even at work. I don't trust anyone. How can I start trusting ppl even my own kids. I have this wall up and I can't let it down. I need to stop acting sad around him. I need to be happy. When with my kids I'm really happy but then in the back of my head I'm still hurting. He still lives at home. He comes and goes as he pleases and of course the ow still texts and calls, it drives me crazy. I have tried putting boundaries as to him going and coming as he pleases. His response was well I pay rent and all the bills. What would be the response to that.
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
so last night i was feeling so hurt. i felt like a failure at the one job i had of being a wife. these feeling came because of our "heart to heart" talk. your job is not to make him happy. He is equally to blame for the failure of your marriage. Dont fall on your emotional sword to protect him. there are so many signs there that he knows to come back home but he truly feels that hes just miserable overall. not only in the marriage but as a person. But you didnt BREAK him. This is something HE needs to figure out how to handle. we agreed that he should probably move out so that way i wont get any hopes. what? why would you tell him that? Dont let him be the center of your world. YOU and YOUR KIDS are the center of your world. He doesnt have the power over you to make you happy. he thinks that god sent him the dopie (the other woman, shes a heroin addict) for a reason. i told him that he was way smarter then that and he needs to find someone without that baggage, because at the end of the day if hes going to introduce the kids to the ow she should have positive aspects who can educate my kids or be someone influential not a druggie who cant even watch her own damn kid. i told him that if he wants to be with her then it will take time away from your kids cause if your trying to make sure shes not using drugs then that means you need to baby sit her (shes 10 yrs younger then him). so i told him, please find a girl who is like me hahahah, smart, godly, a family oriented person who wants the best for her loved ones. without any baggage. he was just listening and agreed. Sadly, we dont get to choose the AP. She is who she is. Part of the allure is probably getting to feel like a hero. Probably the feeling worship and of need that she has for him. I believe he may have been listening and hell, maybe even understood it. But it isnt going to change anything. What if you told her "heroin is bad for you"...do you think that will get her to change her habits? Its the same for him right now. i told him i want him to be happy and that he deserves happiness and that i hope and pray that god can give him happiness, true happiness and some peace, hes been through so much in the last 1.5 yrs. This is...ok...but I wouldnt try to encourage him to "find" happiness or have happiness "granted" on him. I believe that you are the source of your own happiness. That you can make your situation a happy one regardless of the circumstance. So, this sounds like since he think you dont make him happy, he should go. so now i need to really stop trying with him and start trying to fix me. God is giving me this me time and i truely want to use it because I too deserve happiness whether its with him or not. YEEEESSSSS. Now go out there and make yourself happy!
I read and reread Azzork' s comment to Overcom, above. That could have been me talking! The answers apply to my situation, as well. Thank you for this. It helped me, too.
You see what I mean. What I think will encourage him to come back is wrong. I need to learn how to speak to him... He's the one who said I think I should move out so you'll stop having hopes. And then I agreed. Which I completely don't agree with. oh and when I pray for his happiness I pray that we will be filled with happiness together lol but he doesn't need to know my prayer details. Now I need to make some friends. Any suggestions on how? I'm very shy, have no confidence to talk to ppl..
Last edited by overcom; 09/21/1508:32 PM.
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
