Sounds like he is trying to pick a fight by doing those things. Just ignore his words and actions. Sounds like you need to detach more. I know I am not one to talk about detaching!
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
BT13, you may have misinterpreted what beckyb said, not sure.
Beckyb, there is every chance your L will charge per letter so ask him why he sent one regarding your H redirecting his mail when you hadn't requested it.
From a male perspective, I'd say tour H was using you as a backup plan and/or he's feeling a little bit guilty so is trying to keep a slender connection with you. But actually that's the same as my first comment, you are his plan B for when it all goes wrong with OW. Having said that the more you detach the greater the chance of you becoming his plan A.
The mail is just a small thing, put it in a bag and forget about it. If he calls asking if there is any say yes, I think so, I'll leave it in the porch as you did before, get him performing to your tune and the more he does it the more he will wonder if he's made the right decision.
Beckyb, you haven't mentioned what you are doing in your GAL activities recently, what do you have planned for the weekend?
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Wasn't sure if you were referring to what the L had done, thinking it was the H who had acted. I can be a bit simple sometimes (a lot).
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
Sounds like he is trying to pick a fight by doing those things. Just ignore his words and actions. Sounds like you need to detach more. I know I am not one to talk about detaching!
Avanti and BT, I don't think H is trying to pick a fight. I suspect when OW pushes I get emails accusing me of dragging my feet, the marriage is truly over etc. Then nothing more is said or done. I just got aggravated that he can't take care of something as small as his mail.
I'm usually pretty detached. I haven't pushed about the mail, or him getting his stuff out of the house etc. which is a big 180 for me.
I was a little surprised my L sent the email but I'm ok with it. It may help show H I'm moving on.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
B Beckyb, you haven't mentioned what you are doing in your GAL activities recently, what do you have planned for the weekend?
Tonight I got in some retail therapy with a friend. Tomorrow I'm going to a local artisan market at the Botanical Garden with my niece, sister and friends. Sunday I'm going thrift store and swap meet shopping with my friends/soon-to-beex sisters-in-law. My goal is to enjoy their company and limit talk about H.
My next few weeks are pretty full, including our next Supper Club on the 24th.
I'm taking a Pilates class and joined a women's group at church where I am meeting new people. All in all I'm pretty busy. Sometimes too busy.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
That is very busy. Have lots of fun and keep your thoughts on what you are doing not your sitch or H to make sure you really enjoy yourself and continue down the path of detachment, that you are well on the way down already.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Today I'm feeling so conflicted and confused. I am GAL, moving forward, not obsessing over H 24/7. (i do still think about this stich a lot but not like I used to). I don't contact H and only respond as necessary if he contacts me. All that has gotten me are two text accusing me of delaying the divorce in hopes that he will change his mind, assurances that our marriage is completely over and his apologies for hurting me. I am not dragging my feet. As a matter of fact, after said texts I sent him my settlement proposal. No response in 2 weeks. He is doing nothing. The next step would be for my attorney to officially send the proposal to his attorney, a step I don't feel comfortable with just yet.
H has been such a jerk and sometimes I just want to get the D done so I don't have to see him anymore or his junk anymore. I can sell this house and move somewhere new. My friends/family think I need to just get it done.
If I make moves to push a D settlement won't that show H once and for all I am moving on?
On the other hand I still hold out hope. There have been a few small positive signs along the way. He is maintaining a small connection, even though it's probably his Plan B
On yet another had, H has stated he wants to marry OW because she is very ill. How is he ever going to leave the sitch?
Ugh. I hate this. Some days I'm content to wait it out. Today is not that day.
BTW, I'm not a patient person. This is definitely a test for me. I sure hope it's building character.
Thanks for listening.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
beckyb, make a decision to do something. Doing nothing is a decision and it's probably the right thing to do.
Let go and let be, sit back and observe nothing more, nothing less.
While sitting back remember the one of the key rules, do not believe 100% of what your H says and only 50% of what he does, that 50% being anything positive.
He might be in a world of pain and confusion, he might be simply so busy with other stuff that he's dropped the ball (he was in hospital recently), or a number of any other things, you can't mind read, so don't try.
Part of the reason for the GAL is so that you have stuff to occupy you but there will always be moments when your sitch does catch up with you. That's the time to start thinking about other things as you have very successfully practised in the past.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
