Have i been making mistakes too long part 5

[tkdmme]

Thanks Huddy,

I was thinking the same thing. She has been using throwing them in my face over everything. When she said that I needed to refinance to keep the kids in their home, I told her that the D was not my decision and that the kids moving from their home was a result of her decision. She is really mad about this.

I don't want the kids to have to move either but I would be an idiot to sign with her right now.

[tkdmme]

Why would my W break into my phone and read my messages if she doesn't love me and wants me to move on? I posted this earlier but didn't get a response.

I don't understand it. I never thought she would be snooping on me. She didn't seem to care what I did or who I did it with before.

[Azzork]

Why would my W break into my phone and read my messages if she doesn't love me and wants me to move on? I posted this earlier but didn't get a response.

I don't understand it. I never thought she would be snooping on me. She didn't seem to care what I did or who I did it with before.

Think of it this way: she sees you as the enemy right now. An ENEMY. So there are two good reasons I can think of:

1) She is looking for misbehavings that you have that she can use against you
2) She is looking for misbehavings that you have that she can use to make herself feel better about her choices.

Or, she could be nosy.

No way to really know. But I thought my W didnt care about me, and it turns out she was watching my every move for months. So protect yourself.

[tkdmme]

Feeling pretty bad today. I didn't sleep well. I had another dream where she was avoiding me and I was chasing after her. Not much fife rent than reality. It just feels like my life is over. I 2ish things were different. This stupid roller coaster keeps going and I'm begging it to stop.

We haven't had any r talks other than when she broke into my phone last week. I think I handled it well but I'm constantly second guessing my actions. This is the worst feeling ever. Things are not changing fast enough for me.

[Sotto]

Hi TK, I'm sorry you had a tough night. What you are posting really highlights the need to work on detachment.

It feels like my life is over.....your life exists separately to your S and you need to discover and embrace that.

I wish things were different.....we're all working to transform brutal reality into a happy future life just now - transcendence.

You can get off the roller coaster whenever you like my friend. It is within your gift whenever you want to - whatever your W may be doing. You may have yet to truly believe this, but believe me it is true.

This is the worst feeling ever. Yes I understand the pain (all too well unfortunately.) And it is what you DO with the pain that matters. Handle this right and you'll feel you can survive anything life may throw at you.

Things are not changing fast enough....patience is key (and GAL) and things will unfold in their own time and at their own pace. Your feelings of frustration don't make any difference there.

Please remember that the most important outcome of this sitch is not whether you R with your S, but who you become as a result of this experience. Do that part right, and you will find happiness whichever way.

Take care x

[sandi2]

Why would my W break into my phone and read my messages if she doesn't love me and wants me to move on?

Azzork gave an excellent answer. The only thing I will add is to tell you that she did not do this from a point of love, or lack of love. Love really is not her issue in why she snooped. I know, it must be terribly difficult to understand when it is your W doing this crazy stuff.

A WW may not feel the love for her H, but for the most part....she wants to be in control. Even if she tells him to move on, those are usually just words, trying to get him to back off and give her space. Truth is, most WW's tend to be manipulative. I won't say 100% are, but from the stories that come to the board, the majority seem to be. As Azzork said, she is looking for you to turn your foot the wrong way so that she can't point a finger and say that's why she had to end the M. Plus, some WW's are curious to know if the LBH is interested in dating, talking to any women, etc. Some want to see what he's telling others about the stitch.

Manipulation/control, gathering false evidence, being nosy/jealousy, etc., is usually the motivation behind a WW snooping. That's why we caution members to guard their DB computer history (or phone), whatever they use to post. That is how WW's have discovered things in other cases.......snooping into the history to see what LBH has been doing.

It's not that she cares about you. It is that she cares what you are doing, what you are saying...and to whom, and if you are GAL.

[tkdmme]

I was really hoping she snooper because she still cares about me but your explanation sounds more feasible.

[tkdmme]

I don't know if she saw the dB site. She didn't mention it. I'm going to keep posting on the assumption that she didn't see it.

[sandi2]

And protect your phone where she can't get into it.

[tkdmme]

I don't know how she got into it. I have a lock that only my finger print can unlock. It scares me. I also keep it on my night stand at night. She must have slipped in sometime after I went to bed but im a light sleeper. I have been more careful since then.

I am still contemplating separating or finances. The only reason I haven't yet it because she doesn't make much money and cant pay all of her bills and her share of the shared bills. Would it be reasonable to split or finances and give her a certain amount of money to supplement her income? This supplement money would act as child support. But since we are still in the same house I don't think I should have to give her anything for child support.

I think the fair thing to do is have her pay her half of the mortgage and her half of the kids school (the kids are in an expensive private school). However she cant afford to do this.

Does anyone have any experience with in home separation and splitting finances?