Solo, I too sense your pain, I will post on your thread after I run my afternoon errands, hang in there and remember they may kill us but they won't eat us.
Beagley, It really was my garage, when I'm referring to me I say attic. Beagley Solo15 could use some of your wisdom. You are a kind soul.
Good morning fine people. We have another day, another opportunity to affect positive change in the lives of ourselves, our family and the world at large.
I start a new meditation class today. I am excited by the possibilities. Then I will do the weekly food shopping for the family by myself. My wife may think I am doing it to be nice. I am not. I am doing it because I like food shopping, there is an element of hope and creativity in making a meal. I am not a good cook yet, although no one has died from my cooking. I really don't care if she gets the wrong idea about me doing the shopping.
I guess that's the point of this post. This may be a new level for me. I am starting to not concern myself what she thinks about, what I choose to do. I do not do anything to negatively affect my marriage or my children. I am alone on this journey. I want to share my life with her but this is my journey and I will appropriately enjoy it. I feel hopeful about myself and have faith that my life will be authentic.
I will eat life, life will not eat me.
I feel more free then I have in months. No matter what happens with my marriage I will retain this new found freedom. Onward and upwards.
That is fantastic! Sounds like you really are moving through it and into a bit of a better place.
I'm sorry that my post came across as so dark. I think what was on my heart was just that I don't know you at all, you are just some text on a screen, but I care about you and can see the kind of man that you are, and I'm angry that someone would treat you that way. Its hard to watch someone you care about being abused.
Sounds like you are doing well in your GAL activities and are maintaining a PMA. Keep it up!
M 16y , T 18y , 3 Kids 7/14 ILYBINILWY 8/14 Takes off rings 5/15 OM, S PA 8/15 10/15 A new hope. Rumbles of Reconciliation. 11/15 I can have what I want. What do I want?
In guess that's the point of this post. This may be a new level for me. I am starting to not concern myself what she thinks about, what I choose to do. I do not do anything to negatively affect my marriage or my children. I am alone on this journey. I want to share my life with her but this is my journey and I will appropriately enjoy it. I feel hopeful about myself and have faith that my life will be authentic.
Love this! Finally turning my thoughts in this direction.
In guess that's the point of this post. This may be a new level for me. I am starting to not concern myself what she thinks about, what I choose to do. I do not do anything to negatively affect my marriage or my children. I am alone on this journey. I want to share my life with her but this is my journey and I will appropriately enjoy it. I feel hopeful about myself and have faith that my life will be authentic.
Love this! Finally turning my thoughts in this direction.
Thanks so much.
Likewise, this is awesome stuff, you've turned a big corner with such style.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Thanks for the support JudyL and Beagley. I wrote that this morning. I like the mornings, it brings with hope and promise of a new day. The day went well but I got tired by the end.
Dinner with family was nice. I was a little disappointed that my wife would not look at me. She had conversations with my 2 kids, looking at them and engaging them in thoughtful dialog. With me, she only answers direct questions she can't ignore. If I say something, anything, she will not comment. That hurts, but if that isn't bad enough she will not look at me, ever. I have not had a millisecond of eye contact in two months.
So it seems that the farther you get from BD the easier it gets to live day by day but there still is a cyclical nature to the pleasure and pain in one's evolution.
Sound like you are doing very well. There is something liberating in all of this. I know I was not fully alive in my M. Since BD, I've slowly rebuilt my life & am very happy to discover all the new things I like to do that were drudgery before, enjoying being alive socially, and just building a life. You start to see possibilities and a future that looks wonderful to you. It comes at a high price, for sure. You keep the door open to letting the W back in if she decides to re-join you and do the hard work it will take to patch together the M. But I have come to think that ultimately, most LBSs outpace our WAS in personal growth and happiness. We are forced to face our demons and do something about our own lives, while many of them are stuck in just trying to jettison us.
What's the new meditation class focusing on?
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
