finish two pressing tasks at work (working from home today) take box of old baby things to charity shop say three pleasant and complementary things to DH without expectation of any particular response from him read with children practice for my language class read a chapter of DR take a walk (no matter the weather!)
This is a kind of normal work-at-home-day for me (I am an academic, so my time is usually fairly flexible outside of teaching) but I'm wondering if there's something I should add to this?
Also - what does 'truth darts' mean? I've read about them here and there while exploring the boards. Are they a good thing or a bad thing?
Just some journalling and random thoughts. Though I could really do with a response if anyone is still reading...
So - DH has been a little warmer to me today. Last night he came up and laid in bed with me for a while and watched a film. He went to sleep elsewhere, alone. I was cheerful and friendly today and said I liked spending time with him last night. I made sure to thank and praise and compliment him often. I think he likes me doing it. He's certainly been kinder and he accepted a hug from me today. I don't think that was pursuing - I didn't have expectations - I just wanted to thank him for a big job he'd done on the house and show him I was happy about it.
But tonight he's off on his own again.
I have all kinds of thoughts - none of which are helpful. I feel like I am entitled to love and affection and attention and respect because I am his wife. But I don't want it because I am 'entitled' to it. I don't want him to act out of duty. I want him to act out of love. And if he was feeling like doing those things, he probably would. So he's obviously not. And here am I, being an utter mug in showering him with praise and affection. Which he seems to like, but isn't that interested in returning.
I am down and angry tonight. Keeping it to myself though, not pursuing, not instigating any R-talk.
Just some journalling and random thoughts. Though I could really do with a response if anyone is still reading...
So - DH has been a little warmer to me today. Last night he came up and laid in bed with me for a while and watched a film. He went to sleep elsewhere, alone. I was cheerful and friendly today and said I liked spending time with him last night. I made sure to thank and praise and compliment him often. I think he likes me doing it. He's certainly been kinder and he accepted a hug from me today. I don't think that was pursuing - I didn't have expectations - I just wanted to thank him for a big job he'd done on the house and show him I was happy about it.
Nothing is going to change overnight. This all sounds like great progress.
But when was the last time he did either of the things in bold?
Thank you! I am feeling emotional and pissed off and I am probably just tired. I know I'm feeling lonely, and missing sex, and missing feeling wanted. So all of that is factoring in. It's better typing it here than bringing it to DH.
It's been a good few weeks since we've watched a film together - and last night was at his suggestion, and I can't remember the last time that happened.
I guess I am finding it hard to see it as progress tonight. Mainly I'm angry that he can give so little that those little crumbs feel like a big change.
Thank you! I am feeling emotional and pissed off and I am probably just tired. I know I'm feeling lonely, and missing sex, and missing feeling wanted. So all of that is factoring in. It's better typing it here than bringing it to DH.
It's been a good few weeks since we've watched a film together - and last night was at his suggestion, and I can't remember the last time that happened.
I guess I am finding it hard to see it as progress tonight. Mainly I'm angry that he can give so little that those little crumbs feel like a big change.
But I will probably feel better tomorrow.
Day by day, you probably wont see a big change. Like watching grass grow, you cant really see it happening. But looking back over a month or two you might be able to.
So dont get frustrated, just be patient and see what happens.
I keep thinking what I need to stay on in this relationship - or how will I know when I've had enough and it is time to go? I know he's a good man, but he hasn't let me reach him in years. I am not sure how long to wait.
SJ - There was a guy on here for several months named Huddy and it seems his situation was kinda similar to yours. He kinda "gave up" last week. He never laid out goals, got frustrated at seeing no progress and left. I really recommend that you lay out personal goals AND lay out what kinds of progress you want to see. Your marriage isn't going to be perfect by the end of this month (likely) so what would be the first signs of progress? A hug? A text? A smile? Calling you a certain name? I dot know but you do.
Get it out there. Otherwise, I fear you will get too frustrated!
Do you mean goals for me, or goals for him? I feel pretty happy with how things are with my work, kids and hobbies. There's always room for improvement, of course. I am listening.
Do you mean goals for me, or goals for him? I feel pretty happy with how things are with my work, kids and hobbies. There's always room for improvement, of course. I am listening.
I mean goals for you. You can't really set goals for things that you have no control over. So what kinds of things will you do in order to instill change into your R?
AND what kinds of signs will you look for to know if it's working? What kinds of reactions will you look for to know if you are making "progress"?
be warm, kind and cheerful show appreciation verbally no pursuing for physical affection or time spent together cheerful and accepting if he initiates affection or time spent together
How will I know it is working:
he asks to spend time with me he asks me questions about my day or how I am feeling he initiates physical affection or sex he spends evenings in the same room as me two or three times in a week
