My wife was a peace volunteer in Africa. She met me in 2005. I was working as a college professor and at the same time Senior Assistant of a professor from America who works in Africa. First, she said to me that she loved me the first time she met me. After one full month, she was trying to attract my attention toward her but I have not known about her love until one of her former peace friends told me. Then we started dating. After her peace corps service, she came to my town and lived in my apartment. I had more confidence in the sense that she gave to our love when she decided to live with me. We got traditionally married in the year 2007. She applied for medical school and was accepted. We moved in the US 2007. Before continuing, I will state on one point: I spend ten years trusting my wife and I only start last May 2015 to ask myself: who is my wife? Once in the USA, my wife started developing some complex. She would like me to go to graduate school like her but I did not have strong base in English. I have been telling her that I would like to do medical anthropology but for her own image she registered me to do a master in French. I did succeed but French field is not in high demand in the US especially in the small cities of south. I discovered that 2009 she had an affair with French doctor. At this moment of our life, we did not have our daughter and I did not lose my job in Africa. She could just tell me husband I discover myself and I realize that I cannot handle the marriage commitment. We will get divorce and I will return to Africa for my job, my country, and my family and acquaintances. I hate immigration and did not expect to live outside my country but the power of love led me where I am. She kept hidden this fact because my wife needs somebody who will help her to go through the difficulties linked to medical studies. We had our baby in 2010. We both were graduated at the year 2012 and moved to a different city for my wife residency. I work part time as substitute teacher and part as a lyft driver. I could not do have a professional job because my wife does not have a stable work schedule and somebody has to take care of our daughter when she is not at her daycare. In the year December 2014 she started saying that she is not happy with me and we need to get separated. I told her no. At the end of December I was driving on the highway with a speed of 80 miles in the middle of mountains and my wife and my daughter were in the car with me, my wife shifted the gear to rear. I managed to put into drive. February 2015 she did the same think. I told her if she continues, I will consider it as a criminal act. In May 2015 she got her medical license and started going and sleep outside with other men. Now she has 4 men with whom she sleeps. I have a private investigator that brought me all the proof. Now she is destroying my daughter life because this innocent girl needs a strong family to build her. She filed a divorce in July with the motif of irreconcilable differences. The real reason is that she used me and now that she is a surgeon and will have enough money to follow her fantasia, she does not need me anymore. She wants me to move out from an apartment but I refused. I am now afraid for myself. She may create for me police problem. I will welcome any help because I still love my wife despite all.
Please do not move out of your home, it is your home. Plus from the little you have said, your D is much safer with you, dads can be great parents too, so if you are forced to leave you may wish to take your D with you.
Please seek the advice of an L (legal) and keep this very private.
Your WW (wayward wife) is very wayward and sounds like she may be struggling with her health. This could indicate an MLC, but I am not an expert on that, so others may need to advise you if you are in the wrong thread. Certainly she is behaving very oddly. You are very much the stronger parent here for your little daughter. I can tell you my WH (wayward husband) was also very wayward on dating sites etc, so you have my attention on this.
You may need to protect yourself from accusations of various kinds. Be prepared to record interactions with WW on your phone. You had help with a PI, it might be good to seek extra advice on looking after your own interests.
Cadet will post to you with some homework to do about DB.
In the meanwhile, keep reading, keep posting.
It may take time to come from moderation, so be patient.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 09/09/1506:48 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Easy, I am so sorry to read about your troubles. But I am glad for you that you have found this forum. If you stick with us, you will learn a great deal and benefit from some warm support. What you describe with the gearshift is alarming. Has your W talked about harming herself or others at all? What you describe reminds me of what others post from time to time - they were driving down a highway at the height of their sitch and had a urge to drive into the barrier. Thankfully for most people that brief urge passes and they move forward. But to put the rest of the family at risk in that way is worrying.
People on the forum will tell you not to move out of your home. I moved out, but in your sitch you are the more stable parent and I think it sounds best for your D to be with you in her current home. If your W wants you to S, presumably she could seek a place of her own.
The other worrying thing is the current level of promiscuity plus the previous A. You mention possible MLC. Perhaps? Although in MLC, the current infidelity is likely to be most out of character and your W has cheated previously. IDK. I post in the MLC part of this forum and there are a few guys posting there. You may find it helpful to read some of their sitches. Irish M in particular is experiencing a fast and furious descent into mayhem with his W. I have also found the Hearts Blessings website useful and she does have articles on female MLC.
You still love your W, but I would agree that firm protective measures are needed here. If you don't already have a L, I would engage a good one as soon as you can. She does not have the best interests of your M and family at heart just now. Keep posting and we'll support as best we can.
Take care, Sotto
Last edited by Sotto; 09/09/1508:26 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I would like to thank all of you for your support. I discover that my wife did not only sleep with one man, from May 2015 to now, but she has three different men who slept with her sand continue to do it.
I told her yesterday night that I am done with her because first I thought that it was my obligation as a husband to help her going through this crisis but I realized that I can not do anything for her until she decided to do something for herself.
I read one of her paper in which she wrote " I will continue to pay $12 plus guilt and continue to sleep with different men until I find the right one"
I realized that her level of self-destruction is very high and I would rather stay away from her life. I do not need to destroy my life. Now I am just praying for myself by asking God to give me enough strength to reduce my love for this woman and keep my daughter safe.
Do I need to tell her hospital about her sexual sickness? Do I need to tell our friends who is my wife? Should I stay QUIET and let her do more harm to other innocent people?
Let your emotions calm before you decide anything final.
Her behaviour is her concern, unless you want to be seen as vengeful spouse and wish to completely destroy her career then leave her work alone. You cannot get that genie back in the bottle once it's out. Vengeance is mine says the Lord.
Similarly keep friends and family out of the loop for now, I found one safe friend and confided in her. Otherwise I stayed silent. I also had my Gamanon meeting and this board.
Similarly each person looks after their own interests in this and has their own journey, rest assured you are responsible for you and your D. So the harm WW does is between her and another. This isn't criminal behaviour as far as I can tell, so there is no moral responsibility on you. I think you have more than enough to do without dealing with others feelings.
My WH was and still is very lost in his soul, so I asked not to lose my love for him, but that my higher spirit use it in other ways. In your case your precious beautiful little daughter could you chose to direct every ounce of your love to her and yourself? It will rebound exponentially. You both could use that bond and love today. So I pray for guidance for me and that the spirit uses my love in the best way. I need my love for myself and others. You can rest your love for your WW into Gods hands for him to guide it for the best result. I am projecting my best rainbow strength to you today.
Cadet left you with some homework, it's absolutely essential for your growth that you prepare for the times ahead. Do you have DR and DB yet. They too are essential reading. I understand English isn't your first language , so if you want any extra help with phrases and clarification then please ask, someone here will know.
As far as I can see, all of your feelings match many of those here. You may feel angry, sad and disgusted because the love that WW seeks is not found in any third party but inside herself.
Take care of your health, eat properly, and dear Easy, please get yourself checked for STDs, it's important as they can do a great deal of damage. If you are at risk sadly your D may be too, because of the length of time this behaviour is exhibited. If you are healthy then that is one item on the checklist cleared. I have been quite open here that I had to be tested for STDs and it isn't because of my own waywardness but my WH having meetings with 'friends'. Be safe not sorry.
(((((((Hugs)))))))
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 09/10/1508:27 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Immediately put an app on your phone to record all cell phone conversations.
Put another app that will allow you to record any conversation you choose with a quick click of a button
Get a voice activated digital voice recorder and carry it in your pocket. If and when she starts going off on you....you MUST initiate recording her for your own protection.
A serial cheating doctor wife has to be the MOST entitled wayward type on the planet. Of course, I can't diagnose her on the internet but, in my opinion, just like so many attorneys are ADD, most surgeons are narcissist bi-polars. You don't need to diagnosis her at all...the point of me telling you this is that you need to take extra-ordinary precautions to protect yourself and your child from her. I know you've known her a long time but she's not the person you married anymore. Way too many times I've seen this category of wayward resort to all sorts of nasty tricks to basically take what they feel they are entitled to....which here is probably all her money, her residence, all the property AND your daughter. Because you are a foreign born (I presume you became a US citizen), you are possibly going to have a tougher time playing the custody game than her. You, for sure, will have less resources to fight with. Any recordings you can make of her threatening you, bad mouthing you, or fabricating abuse stories (it's very common that she'll call the police and indicate that you are domestically disturbing her and try to have you removed and slap you with a restraining order), would be very well received by a judge if and when you are countering her false allegations and seeking full custody of your daughter AND lots of child support.
In the US men are behind the eight ball when it comes to fighting for and winning custody but your daughter likely needs to be with you and protected from her to the largest extent possible. Be smart....get a lawyer quick and get recording devices ON YOU NOW to protect yourself from being set up.
BTW...I'm usually a big proponent of advising initially as much hope into a situation as possible but I believe our God is big enough to move anyone to repentance...but a relatively young marriage to a serial cheating surgeon wife who is concurrently having sex with 3 or 4 other men....that's a mental health issue to me and NOT a savable divorce busting issue.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
You are completely right. My wife may have some mental issue because she wrote somewhere that she is emotionally damaged and she will end up by passing from one man to another. Now her leitmotif is to change constantly man until she found the right person.
