Have i been making mistakes too long part 5

[tkdmme]

im not sure what the other offer would be. It didn't get that far. It was the best of three matches and the conversation started after two. We each had one one match.

[tkdmme]

sorry won one match.

[tkdmme]

I really need some encouragement right now. im in a slump again today. I guess its because of the argument yesterday. Every time I hear that she still wants D it feels like the day of the original BD. I have made some progress through this but still have days where im sad and cant shake it. It never leaves my mind for a second. I want to cry but I have promised myself I wouldn't.

I have to play piano tonight at the tavern down the street. It is really hard to entertain people when your heart is aching. Especially when I see couples there and happy together. I get request for love songs all night and it is all I can do to make it through without breaking down.

She said last night that she didn't want to prolong this but she is not making any moves to move out. I think she is waiting for me to do it. I WILL NOT MOVE OUT. I have told her this over and over. I just cant believe all that has happened.

I am not giving up hope. I want to but I cant seem to let go completely. I have been doing a lot of GAL but she is always in the back of my mind. I have been having horrible dreams. They are always the same. Her either cheating on me or her telling me she wants to work it out. I need some help today.

[WhyUs]

tkdmme,

Just curious, what are all of your reasons for not moving out? The one thing I wish I did was move out. She has the kids anyways, my house has little equity if any. Moving out would have prevented me from hounding her all the time.

[WhyUs]

As far as the argument goes. That was a nasty thing for her to say if you ask me. That would have hurt my feelings pretty bad. I am not even sure how the heck one should react to something like that. I do know that anger is apparently never the answer. I do not think that showing sadness is the answer either.

I am just not sure how you remain upbeat and positive in a sitch like that.

[dwh15]

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Wish there was something I could say that would make you feel better but there isn't. You are still way too attached. And that is part of the problem with living with your W. My WW moved out 6 months ago and as hard as that was, I think it was the best for both of us. I have had a very difficult time detaching and only over the last couple of weeks do I feel like I've made some decent progress.

Yes, I still struggle every day but not nearly to the extent I did a few weeks ago. I was in just as bad of shape as you. WW on my mind every second, unable to focus on anything but getting her back. I went around 3 months from BD and couldn't really accomplish anything other than basic household chores and taking care of kids.

All I can tell you is that it does get better with time IF you can detach and focus on GAL activities. But I believe it's going to be very hard for you to make much progress while seeing your W every day. I agree about you staying in the home though. If she wants to leave, let her. Hang in there brother.

[tkdmme]

Whyus,

There are several reasons that I am not moving out. The number one reason is that I don't want my kids to think im the one walking out of the marriage. They know what's going on but only my D12 knows that it is not my decision. The boys I think are to young to understand.

Number two reason is that it is my house too. If she wants out of the marriage I think it should be her moving out.

Number three. I will be leaving at the end of November for a project out of town. I have the option to come home every weekend from my employer. I think it would but dumb to get a place of my own right now when I will be leaving in a few months anyway and the company is paying for an apartment for me.

dwh,Whyus,

Thank you both for the reply. There has not been much activity on my thread for a while. I was starting to think I had offended someone. I hope this isn't the case.

[otw]

JUst know you are not alone. Everything you stted is felt the same here. I am still in the same house and everytime something is brought up about the S it feels like someone ripped my heart out. I also agree about constantly thinking about the situation. I am doing a lot for GAL but it is always there. I just keep trying. I know in the moments when i do feel good and that things will be fine in the end and i show a PMA about everything and act as if i am paying her no mind then she seems to be more talkative to me or want to interact.

I know we are on emotional roller coasters, but i believe they are just as much. They are convinced getting away from us is the answer and when they feel differently they need to reassure themselves.

I also do believe that if things are to ever get better for me that it will have to get worse first.

I know probably not much help, but keep trying to move forward.

[Uphill]

I hear you tkd, I'm just not in a real good place today... Stuck in the beginning of the week funk but figured I would respond so you know I'm here reading. Even if I don't have much useful to say today.

[rd500]

Hi. I'm reading your sitch but again nothing much to add. It's absolutly crap and knowing at the end of this you will be happy again is little consolation right now.

I found the harest part was accepting that W did not want an R with me anymore.
Even though she still ( over a year since BD ) says she's not sure what she wants and isn't happy

It takes time to accept that the M is over and that's not to say a new M is nt possible one day but for now it's over

Stay strong and keep DBing because it does work for every one. Maybe not to restore your M but for you as a person

Take care. Rd