Have i been making mistakes too long part 5

[dwh15]

So again, I need some advise.

I there such thing as a mid life depression versus a MLC. Its seems that the W is in deep depression at this point. As I stated in the last post, she is not reverting to a teenager like most ive read about here. I know that I cant fix it but I cant help wanting to label the problem. we haven't talked much and I feel myself slipping away.

Never heard of a mid-life depression but seems as reasonable as anything else. But you already know what everyone is going to tell you; it's just a label and doesn't change anything. You act the same regardless of what you wanna call it. I know what you mean about slipping away, but again, don't assume that feeling is permanent. I have felt myself slipping away, sometimes days at a time, then out of the blue feel as strongly as ever that I want my WW back. It's part of the coaster and will take a very long time to settle down. You're nowhere near the end of the ride.

I have been talking to a friend (who happens to be female) from high school. I am not interested in her romantically and she recently went through a divorce and has been helpful. Is this wrong. I feel kind of guilty for talking to her but she seems to understand what I am going through. She has given me some good advise but has also given me some bad advise. Example she thinks that I have waited long enough for my W to reconsider and that I should probably throw in the towel.

Im a little worried that she may be interested in me for more than just friends. I have told her that I am not interested in any R other than my M and she agrees but something doesn't feel right. Should I cut this communication off? I don't want to hurt her feelings but its making me feel guilty. What is an emotional affair? Is talking to an old friend who happens to be a female and emotional affair?

I am really torn on this because I do enjoy talking with her but if she has something different in mind, I feel I need to cut the communication.

It sounds to me like this could potentially be a dangerous path. If your friend is recently D, then I would say there's a good chance she is interested in being more than friends. I've recently come to the conclusion myself that there is no such thing as "just friends" between a man and woman when both are single, or at least it's extremely rare. Maybe one of the two wants to be friends, but in most cases at least one is interested in more, especially as time goes on and you spend more time together. If that's not you in this case, then guess who it is?

I understand having a previous connection, and having her be a sympathetic ear, but if you are serious about wanting to save your M, I would suggest you minimize contact with your female friend. You don't have to be mean or rude about it, and can still have contact, but try not to delve into your M and feelings too much. If you start openly discussing emotions, that's when you begin to cross the line into an EA yourself, and it's a slippery slope from there into full blown PA. As long as you're interesting in saving your M, I would focus friendship efforts on other men, not on single women. Hang in there.

[tkdmme]

Thanks for the reply I was beginning to think no one was out there. I spoke with the female friend a few minutes ago. I told her that I was only interested in a friendship and that I still love my w. She said she understood and that if I thought we should not be talking then she would respect that. I wasn't sure what to say. I told her thanks for listening and that I would be in touch sometime.

I hope I did the right thing. And I hope that she has not been another victim of my sitch.

[Azzork]

On your friend, would you tell your W about the level of conversation you're having (in normal times)?

[tkdmme]

Probably not. I have discussed my marriage with this woman and I have said told her things about my marriage that I shouldn't have.

This is not someone I have had a relationship with in the past. Just someone who's knows me well. Her and I have been friends from years. Since middle school.

I've never had female friends during my M. So it doesn't feel right to do it now.

[tkdmme]

So, its labor day weekend which means the W, kids and I will be together at the house all weekend. This scares me. During the week I have no problem not talking to her about the R. On the weekend when we are together more its harder to keep my mouth shut. I have pulled it off for the past few weekends so I think I will be ok.

At what point is it ok to talk to her about the M? from what ive read I should keep quite about it until she brings it up. I hate this. Im leaving in November for a new project out of town and would love to have some sign from her that things will be ok between us before I go. I don't know if that will happen but I sure wish it would.

It is getting easier to DB. the more I practice the better I get at it. I haven't had a break down in a while. Im still emotional but ive been able to keep it a bay.

I am continuing to grow closer to my kids and they have really taken notice in the changes ive made so far. I think this makes the W angry. Back when we were still talking about our M she would always say "you cant just change now". Im not sure what that means. I guess she doesn't want me to change so that it is easier to justify her decision. In my mind, I have to change now. Im not willing to live another day as the man I was.

[tkdmme]

So the depression continues with the w. Wow, I've never seen her like this before. It seems the more I use the LRT the more depressed she gets. Is this normal?

[dwh15]

So the depression continues with the w. Wow, I've never seen her like this before. It seems the more I use the LRT the more depressed she gets. Is this normal?

I don't know if it's normal, but I can tell you that my WW has been acting very stressed and depressed the past few weeks as well. It's impossible to know exactly what's going through their minds, but I'm sure that as reality of their choices sinks in, and they notice the LBH backing away and no longer chasing, that they really start to question what they are doing.

I know it's hard but you have to try and disconnect from your W, and not pay attention to her every mood swing. She's on an emotional roller coaster even bigger than yours, and you certainly don't need to be along for the ride. Keep up with DBing and let her work through her feelings.

[tkdmme]

So, I installed new flooring all day yesterday. Wow I'm really sore. The kids helped me alot and we had a great time. The w just kind of moped around and didn't say much. She did however tell how much she love the new floors.

I'm going to finished up the floors today and work on the yard. There is so much to do around here.

I don't know what is on the w's mind but she has been sleeping alot. She doesn't look good and although I worry about her I don't let on like she bothers me. I'm really trying hard to stay possitive. I didn't sleep much last night. Damn dreams!

Me and the kids are going to my family reunion next weekend. I told the w she is welcome to come. She said no. When I asked why she said "just because". This is something my 7 year old would say.

[tkdmme]

The weekend went pretty well until yesterday.

The W and I were playing ping pong and having a great time. I asked if she wanted to bet on the game. Loser does all laundry for a week. She said no and instead said "if you loose you have to move out". Pretty messed up if you ask me. Any way, this led to a small argument. She ended up crying and saying that she is sorry but she cannot see us together ever again as H and W. She said she wished she felt differently for the sake of the whole family but she doesn't. She said she has been waiting to see if she would feel different but she hasn't. She then said again that she didn't want to end up like my mother. She has said this many times before. My mother and father have been married for 40 years. Yes they have had some difficult times but they always have been able to work it out.

I told my W that my mother was happy and at least she never gave up on her marriage. I also told her that I did not appreciate her using my mother as an excuse for her actions.

Nothing more was said. The rest of the night went well. We grilled chicken ate and went to bed.

I know I probably didn't respond well to her during the argument and I know this another set back in DB. I probably didn't respond correctly to the argument but im am trying to get better.

Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated.

[roist]

Wonder what was on offer if you won the game.

I'll leave the vets interpret the situation .

All the best