Rouky I think the hurt is from someone who does not return our love. I asked my therapist how to get over the pain and she said that I just had to go through it. There is no other way than to just let it happen. We will not hurt forever however as time will soften the pain. I don't believe we will ever fully get over the quagmire that we are in but I do think it will eventually have less of a strangle hold on us. You will also heal by developing your new life and will find activities and situations that bring you much pleasure, satisfaction and peace. You seem so interesting and smart and someday someone will come along and sweep you off of your feet. You will be ready for that by doing the DB activities that will help you learn how to interact with a mate and how to find fulfillment in your life that is not dependent on the approval of a man. You are such a special person and you are strong and you can face this. Your children love you and they believe in you as do all of us here. Pick yourself up and get through this day. If a day seems too much then get through the next hour. One foot in front of the other!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
What an interesting this has been. He turned up at the house and walked in like everything was fine. I told him that he wasn't welcome and that the girls would be ready in 30 min and that he was taking them out! He went ballistic, saying he didn't have the car. Gave him his mail and he stormed off!
Came back 30 minutes later still angry. Refused to answer why he lied to me and that he said that it was not of my business what he does at the weekend.
I have to admit that I cornered him to talk to the girls. He told them that he wasn't coming back but didn't tell them why we had split up.
The girls said to me not to be sad as daddy is coming back on Wednesday and Friday! Bless them.
He announced me that he is meeting with his lawyer tomorrow to file for divorce. Then he threatened me that he could make it hard for me. Gosh my blood boiled!
He texted me saying that he could make things easy between us as it'd affect the girls. WOW! I lost it and said that his actions had already affected their life!
As I'm writing this I feel sad because I pushed him to his last resort! I'm sad because I lost the man I love but I'm also relieved as being in limbo was what was killing me slowly! Now I know there is no change of us being back together.
So I can move on. No major impact on the girls. I only hope that one day he'll realise what he has done and will regret it for the rest of his life! I know I shouldn't be like that.
Now I feel like a weight of my shoulder has been lifted! Looking back I can see few things that should have been red flags: when I was in labour in hospital he went to work, then when my kid was 2 weeks old he rang me at 3 am to pick him up from town because he had been celebrating the birth!
Gosh pressed the button too early. Forgot to add that when he left tonight after all this he winked at me! It did make laugh! At least we will be able to start to communicate properly for the sake of our girls!
Rouky, I am new to you sitch so am just getting up to speed.
You are being very strong, although have you considered that you are allowing how you H behaves to strongly influence how you behave?
You say you are ready to let go, have you read the thread Cadet pointed you towards in your first thread about detaching?
If not, give it a go, you'll feel lots better.
If you have, take a look inside yourself and ask how much you are really applying? One things for sure, it's simple stuff but it's not easy, it'll take some dedication but your strength and depth of feeling will help you embrace it.
Last edited by Beagley; 09/07/1509:23 PM.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Sorry shotgun for not thanking you for your kind words. If I wasn't leaving across the ocean, I'd invite you for a drink as a friend. I have a lot of respect for you and I hope you too will find happiness once those dark days are gone
Rouky there isn't enough drink in the bar to take care of our problems! I hate to laugh when you are in so much pain but that made me laugh out loud. And I haven't done that in months!
Again I admire your strength. Set your boundries and inform yourself of divorce law. Know that the Lord will bless you in all of this. To thine own self be true and all will be OK. There is no way to shield your children from what is happening but keep showing them love and they will heal in time as will you.
When I finally stood up to my wife it at first made her quite angry but I think now she views me differently. I think your husband will too. Being consistent is important though.
Be tough and be the brilliant sexy woman that you are and you will go through this with grace. Tonight I shall raise a toast to you and I hope you do as well as you are deserving!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Thank you Beagley for your advice. I read the detaching thread, and I think that you are right about not detaching enough from STBXH. Funny how a coue of hours can make you calm down :-)! My head says it's over but my heart refuse to believe it.
I guess it's going to be a boxing match between my heart and mind! Going to be very interesting to see the interaction between both of them :-)!
I might live to regret my decision to push him to file for divorce, but at the present time this what I want to be able to move on!
Never expected my life to turn out like that, but I think it's making it interesting for my parents (who are Catholics), one of their kid didn't get married in Church & her kids aren't baptised, one is on her way to the court for a divorce and the third one isn't married but has kids! I can tell you family reunion is so great :-)
Regretting pushing him over, and forcing him to file for divorce. I guess that the lie about his weekend triggered everything.
My head says that I have done the right thing, but my heart is bleeding. Well I can say that my impatience has ruined every chance of reconciliation.
He did text me to say that he didn't want to make it hard between us like he is with his ex-partner. Can't ask him to not file for divorce, and as he has told the girls he isn't coming back and he'll never change his mind.
I'm the fool now! It hurts. Will take each day one by one
He is a confused man and you should not believe 100% of what he says and only 50% of his actions.
You may feel you pushed him to D but he has to take action and only time will tell if he feels right to start that process and even if he does, it's not the end, just something different. You are forever bonded together by your kiss, that can never be broken.
Focus on detaching, go out and GAL, even if you don't feel like it, it'll draw him to you plus you will feel so much better.
Hang in there.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Hang in there Rouky. You haven't forced your husband to do any of this. You are only human and have a limit to what you can endure. I too reached the point where I snapped. Like Beagley and Michele said, believe nothing that he says and only half of what he does. You are not impatient and you are not a fool. You are a person who fought for here family for as long as she could.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
