Just catching up on you sitch. It sounds like you have a lot of positives in hour life right now. Good for you.
To answer your question. There is no way I would move right now. That is a huge step. I would validate how she feels and let her know you are not comfortable moving. If she gets angry just stay calm and let her know you understand.
In loved reading your story and look forward to updates!
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
On Saturday, the WW was going to drop the kids off at 5pm at my place. She didn't show up until 7ish. At the time she came the new girl was at my house with her daughter and they met. I have dated a few different people since the WW left, but this was the first time she actually met someone. It was fine, a little tense, but fine.
Sunday I met up with the WW to go over some paperwork. She told me that she went out on Saturday night after leaving my place and didn't feel well so she went home early. She looked rough. I know she knows about me dating (she is doing the same) but she finally had to meet someone and was intimidated.
Since then she texts a few times a day, sends photos of the kids, etc. So today, while I was at work she sent this...
"Hey how's your day going? You just popped in my head and I wanted to say hi."
It was a complete temp check (thank you books!) and I responded with a brief statement. Saying I was doing well but really busy at work. She then text talking about how fast our kids are growing up and babies and crap. I responded back with "I really don't want to talk about what ifs, what could have beens or anything else like that anymore. Have a great day!" and left it at that.
She has convinced herself that I am still chasing after her and I think she is realizing that it isn't the case. I haven't heard back from her. BUT her Mom called me a few hours later and asked how I was and what was new. I do not trust her, which is sad, because I used to have a very close relationship with my mother in law, not anymore though. I just filled her in on how work was going, what was going on with the kids and that was it. She asked about the new girl and if it was getting serious and I told her that I didn't really feel comfortable talking to her about it. I could hear her jaw hit the ground.
I hate playing games, but wow, is it all a game?
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
One of my cousins finally succumbed to a disease she had been battling for years. My WW and I took in my cousins son about 7 years ago or so. He is now in his early 20's, but he considers myself and the WW his "parents". The memorial was on Saturday and my WW brought the kids and stuck around.
The entire time, anywhere I went, she was always a few steps away. Granted this is my family who are not exactly thrilled with her choices, but everyone was really nice to her and acted like things are fine. All afternoon, the WW would touch my arm, rub my hair, etc, essentially putting on her little show that she likes to do, all the while my aunts/uncles and such would say "Are you sure you guys are getting a divorce?" or "I think she is having second thoughts, look at the way she looks at you." things like that.
When it was over, I walked her and the kids to her car, gave the kids hugs and kisses and then gave my WW a hug. She leaned in for a kiss (I think) and I turned my head and she got my cheek instead. I just said "Um...Did you try to kiss me?" and she didn't say anything, I then followed with "Yeah, don't do that." Said goodbye to the kids and walked away.
8 months or so ago, I would have jumped at the chance to kiss her again. Thinking that it might reassure her of where we are in life and to stay together. But at this point I am really content with the way things are and really am happy to move forward. Would I consider getting back together with her? Possibly, but it's not my #1 goal anymore so I am happy about that too. I don't think about her really, I think about my future and my kids. I imagine what a positive marriage could be like where everything is 50/50 and not "her way or the highway" like she wanted. I am not sure, I think it's getting easier.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
I just caught my self up on your thread. WOW. I really envy you and where you are. I kow i am just reading what you write but you seem so calm and collected with everything.although it seems i get better at this everyday, i still feel like i slip back and go through the rollercoaster again. I know living in the same house probably causes this. I am thinking about making a big step today with setting some boundaries and schedule with W and it scares me as it is moving things forward. Any advice and best of luck.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
OTW, I see you are fairly new, I was once the "crying, begging, pleading, can't live without her" type. Believe me, it get's better. Keep your head up.
Boundaries are key. I will always make time for my kids, but I won't adjust my schedule to fit hers anymore. I am not available for her and it drives her nuts.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
I tested the waters before I was ready honestly. She was out dating and I knew I would have to try to do the same. I think I went out for the first time within a month of her leaving. Which was a mistake. Took some "me" time and then started again a few months after that.
I currently have a girl I date exclusively. We are not serious, but are "exclusive" which is nicre. My WW is aware of her and is also jealous of her to some extent.
You will know when it's time.
Oh as for caving, my WW temp checks me all the time to see if she still has that option. It drives her crazy when I refute her advances.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
