Have i been making mistakes too long part 5

[tkdmme]

Im feeling depressed today.

I had a piano gig last night. It was the first gig I have had in over a year. I was really rusty and not many people showed up.

My W brought the kids out for a few minutes. My D12 and S7 both got up and sang songs with me. That felt good.

My W is so far gone. She doesn't even smile anymore. What is up with her. I don't get it. I have been reading and posting on this site for over a month and not seen a good explanation as to why or how someone just turns off. It is the weirdest thing I have ever witnessed.

I am doing ok, all things considered. like a lot of you I think logically about most things I want to get to the bottom of the real problem. It dives me nuts that I cant figure this out.

Anyway, I just wanted to vent.

[Huddy]

Welcome to the club of non understanding. It's alien to us all.

[WhyUs]

I have felt the same way so many times snd then I am reminded that irrational behavior can not be rationalized.

We do know that this is faitly consistent behavior for WAWs and WW. We do know this is not necessarily uncharted territory. Still fustrating as hell though.

[Azzork]

My W is so far gone. She doesn't even smile anymore. What is up with her. I don't get it. I have been reading and posting on this site for over a month and not seen a good explanation as to why or how someone just turns off. It is the weirdest thing I have ever witnessed.

Tkd - I posted this a couple places. To me, it's like a lake freezing from the bottom up. You may go months or years with the lower layers slowly freezing, but you cant really notice them. At BD, that last layer on the top freezes, and while it looks to you like the lake is just now freezing, in reality, the entire [censored] thing is a giant block of ice.

[tkdmme]

Good analogy and I understand that this has been growing in her for a while. The thing that I dwell on is, what was the breaking point.

She wore her ring and slept in our bed the day before BD and then Wham. I keep trying to think of what happened in the days and weeks leading up to the BD. For life of me, I cant remember much about that time period.

It doesn't matter anyway. It is what it is and this is my new reality.

Something else that has me confused is why she hasn't made any moves toward the D. If this is what she wants then why hasn't she done something about it. don't get me wrong, im glad she hasn't. I am in better shape than some of the folks on this site. Its just that it would be easy for her to move in with her mother. MIL lives less than 5 minutes away. She said over a month ago that she was going to move out. That was the last time she said anything about the sitch. oddly enough, that was also when I stopped the pursuit and started to detach and GAL. I may have just answered my question.

[tkdmme]

I cant put my finger on the reason but im very depressed today. Nothing out of the ordinary happened last night. No fighting or R talks. The kids had a great time watching me play piano and they were still excited this morning about getting to sing with me.

Im sure this is just another low point in this relentless roller coaster. I feel alone. I called a lot of friends to come see me last night they all said they would be there but only 4 of them showed. I guess I should be thankful for the four that showed up.

I have been finding myself looking at other women differently than before. I have always noticed attractive woman but I knew I was married and I would have never cheated. Now with things the way they are, the thought of another woman is exciting. Not that I would act on it, but im being honest. just thinking what cheating on my W would be like gives me a panic attack.

Do any of you struggle with this? I cant be the only man on this site who hasn't thought about infidelity when the W completely ignores you. However, I know for sure that it would only make me feel worse.

[Uphill]

Tkd, I can join the honest group with you. I catch myself looking at women as if they "could be the one" type thing. It is far from how I ever was in my relationship, XF would say things such as, did you see that girls boobs? Or, wow, that girl looked amazing. I honest to god wouldn't even take notice but when she would say something I'd take a glance. Nothing other than her ever tickled my fancy until lately. I also agree that right now thinking and looking is as far as it is healthy for anybody here. I couldn't bring myself to act on any of these thoughts but as time passes the thoughts are more frequent...

[Rouky]

Hi I think it's natural as you have been hit hard and maybe deep down you'd likr to know if you are still able to attract women. You have only been here for a month, give it time. See each day as a step towards recovery as it will get better.

I know it is hard, but rest assure that you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Keep faith in what God has planned for you.

[tkdmme]

The W is looking more and more depressed. I have read on many threads about women who are having a MLC and they all say that the W is dressing better or trying or look younger. Going out to clubs and dressing sexy. My W is the exact opposite. For lack of a better word, she looks like crap. She is thin, gaunt, pail, and generally just doesn't look healthy. I haven't seen her smile in a while. She seemed happier before I started DBing. Yes, she has gone out of town for the weekend twice since BD to see a mutual friend (female married with 2 kids). This friend is also a devout Christian.

My W is an alcoholic and has been our entire relationship. Her father passed away at 48 from cirrhosis of the liver. I think this is bothering her. Her father also abandoned her and her siblings when she was 4. She will admit to being an alcoholic but will not even try to get sober. She is what most people call functioning. SHe goes to work and is a good mother but she cant go a day without drinking.

Right after the BD we agreed to stop drinking for 3 months to re-evaluate the sitch completely sober. She lasted a week and im not sure she lasted that long. She was hiding liquor at the neighbor's house.

Im no saint when it comes to drinking. I have my own issues to work on.

I have went back and forth as to why she decided she wants out of the M. I don't think its an A but im not sure. At one point I thought MLC but she is not trying to make herself more attractive. I have even thought peri menopause.

She just seems very depressed and doesn't look good. I know this is not my problem anymore. I was just wondering if anyone had heard or seen some of these symptoms in their Ws.

[tkdmme]

So again, I need some advise.

I there such thing as a mid life depression versus a MLC. Its seems that the W is in deep depression at this point. As I stated in the last post, she is not reverting to a teenager like most ive read about here. I know that I cant fix it but I cant help wanting to label the problem. we haven't talked much and I feel myself slipping away.

I have been talking to a friend (who happens to be female) from high school. I am not interested in her romantically and she recently went through a divorce and has been helpful. Is this wrong. I feel kind of guilty for talking to her but she seems to understand what I am going through. She has given me some good advise but has also given me some bad advise. Example she thinks that I have waited long enough for my W to reconsider and that I should probably throw in the towel.

Im a little worried that she may be interested in me for more than just friends. I have told her that I am not interested in any R other than my M and she agrees but something doesn't feel right. Should I cut this communication off? I don't want to hurt her feelings but its making me feel guilty. What is an emotional affair? Is talking to an old friend who happens to be a female and emotional affair?

I am really torn on this because I do enjoy talking with her but if she has something different in mind, I feel I need to cut the communication.