Hey guys. You are all the best. Zuse, you are right. It did hit me for 6. It really did. But you know what? It's probably the last thing she can do to hurt me. And I ain't playing that game anymore.
V, et al. Yes, there are two children involved now but I'll still be a stand up dad. At least to S10. Not much I can do about the unborn child. Poor wee soul has no idea the chit it's in the middle of.
Shame, for shame.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Damn...this blows BIG time!!! F@ck...so sorry that you've had to hear about the baby from W.
Let the dust settle and don't be making any sudden moves for a while. Let your emotions roil for a while as you try to wrap your head around the fact that your W is pregnant by OM. That is hellva way to bend one's head.
To be sure, this isn't a first at all. There have been many reported instances where the spouse has reconciled with the WAS who had a child with the former affair partner. Not something we all ever envisioned about when standing at the altar reciting our wedding vows for sure.
After some time has passed (maybe 2 weeks or so), then you can re-assess and see how you feel. If you still fee the same, then you probably can consider moving full steam ahead with the D....including all financials etc.
For now, I would go pitch dark on W. Just emails/texts only focusing on logistics related to S10 on school run, homework, etc. The rest, leave it to your L to handle on your behalf.
I am so so sorry about this one messy bomb your W dropped in your lap.
Thanks for coming by. Yea, I can wait a couple of weeks but let's be honest here, there isn't going to be any R. It's over and that's just that. I need to speak to S10. I'll see him later today so I can speak to him properly and can start making different plans. The landscape has now changed beyond recognition.
I'll be ok. I know I will. I feel it in my heart.
Peace.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
NDY, I'm sorry you have to talk to your S today. Presumably your W has told him already? It's tough for him; kids don't get much of a choice in sitches like these. But if his Dad loves and supports him, that makes a huge difference.
Good luck with things...(((NDY)))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Yes, today I need to talk to S10. In the last two days I've found out my former W is pregnant, S10 and been told about the baby and OM. Worse, S10 has also met the OM without my knowledge. I now have some damage limitation to take care of with him. It's not going to be an easy ride that's for sure.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Hi NDY, I feel for you both - and poor lad. That's a lot to take on board. My only advice would be to keep the focus on him and his needs. It's tough, but do try not to let your own hurt feelings about what your W and OM have done seep into the convo.
Like any of us, he just wants his Mum & Dad to be there for him and if he can have a good R with both, that's the best thing for him. It would be difficult and confusing for him to hear that his Mum has done wrong or OM is a scuzz-bag. He's gonna have to spend time and live with both - and unless OM is completely unsuitable to be around him for some specific reason - you're gonna have to live with that scenario unfortunately too. That's tough and I sympathise truly.
But I think it is fair enough to say that you would have liked to work things out, but you respect his Mum's choice - and you love him and will be there for him. That you don't know OM, but his Mum loves him too and only wants the best for him. And encourage him to ask any questions and say how he feels. Let him be upset if he needs to.
I think if you can manage to have the convo in this way, that will be best for him and good luck xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Yea, that's the strategy I had in mind. I get that the scuzz bag is going to be around my son, indeed he will live with him. That sticks in my throat but it is what it is.
I'll make sure that my feeling don't seep into the convo with S10. This is not his doing and not his fault. I need to make sure he understands that no matter what I'm there for him. Always.
When I think about the ride I've been on over the last year it blows my mind. But him, having to deal with this and only being 10? Man, that's gotta hurt.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
I've nothing useful to add, except that I too have you in my thoughts. I know you are in a relatively good place due to all the DB work. As someone said earlier this blow would have been harder earlier on. Nothing can belittle this and I only hope you can handle the emotions you must be feeling esp anger.
Good luck
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
So far I'm handling it. I'm not going to lie and say I don't feel something, I do but I also don't feel like my world is collapsing.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Hi Ndy. Don't have much to add other than you should be very proud of yourself for handling this with such control. You S10 is a very lucky lad to have a man and Dad like you in his life
