Thank you PigPen, what I meant is that WAS hasn't filed so Im still spiritually/legally tied to her.
But I get it, I just wonder sometimes.
She mentioned the other day during our meet, that I will make some other woman very happy because of who I am now, since she wont know anything about how I was. She cried to that statement.
Just some Journaling, Sunday she called me out of nowhere, to just talk, I talked to her for a good 20-30mins, about nothing in general just kids, what I was up to the weekend, etc.
I have my kids this week and had been great, they both started school so it feels like back to normal for me right now, waking up getting them ready, packing their lunch etc.!
I actually enjoy doing that, then dropping them off at school, I wish my W was here to be a part of it but she isn't, her loss!
I have been sleeping MUCH better lately and having less and less thoughts about my W.
I have also been thinking of all the reason I used to be angry at my W about and coming to the conclusion that I do deserve to be treated fairly, with honesty, I deserve to be loved, I deserve to have someone that cares about me, I am coming to terms with me getting a D, although that feeling comes and goes then fear sets in but getting easier it seems.
I've told 2 close friends, and it certainly helps to have someone to lean on. I tell them everything I am thinking, and they've been great. They've been where I am right now, one survived with his marriage, the other did not.
Me - Mid 40's W - Mid 40's Married 20 No kids BD - 7/2015 ILYB... Moved out 2 days later Suspect EA
Couldn't sleep again, Had a really nice chat with her the other day after class about kids, life, etc. She did however mention to me about OM pursuing her asking her out and she declined although they take a couple of classes together, seems like she's the one pursuing him unfortunately.
I didn't say much told her to just be careful with peoples intentions.
Really bummed out today as I write this. She says she's happy and at peace.
She does look happy and at peace and I am happy that she is although I'm hurting inside, I miss being together.
My D told me last night before going to bed " I wish both my parents lived together again" Got me really sad but I told her We love her and will always love her and maybe someday we will but for now we have to live like this.
Your last post really resonated with me. My W is the same way, she sometimes mentions the innocent flirting with OM, but later I come to find out that she is the one pursuing him in many ways, liking the attention she gets, tries to downplay it to me.
She acts as if she is the happiest she has ever been, and for me I am in such a painful place. I want her to be happy of course, but it still stings that it isn't with me.
You handle the conversation with your D perfectly, I had the same conversation with my S7. "We love each other, we love both him and his brother and always will. One day we might be all be together under the same roof"
Wanted to just say that we are here for you, keep your chin up, and continue to trust our lord with your sitch. God bless.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
Hello all, well after a long night, I decided to ask the W to finally file for D, even though I have GAL, PMAing, 180s etc., I still feel as though the D paper is keeping me attached.
I called her and we talked about it she is still firm on never coming back, so I simply told her then you need to file and go through he process.
It all started from this weekends walk together, she mentioned she has new friends, activities, etc but she wouldn't go into details as she feels I'm not ready for that info yet and she doesn't feel the need o tell me certain things about her personal life... I said ok left it at that but couldn't sleep just wondering, I really need to get away and cut the rope, I have become a friend without benefits, I am only being used when she needs something, well I am DONE, time to move on.
