Thank you capo vanilla and Azzork I think I was having a difficult day yesterday
Back to busting my divorce
Some,ideas have been taken from other posts but here goes....
Parenting goals I will choose to stay calm and in control of my emotions when I talk to my children If I think I am going to yell I will make the effort to count to five and breath before I get the urge to yell I will not swear at or to the children I will choose to take an interest in the kids daily activities Every night I will choose to read a bedtime story to D2
Personal goals Help out arround house as much as possible Try not to breakdown in front of children Smile lots I will not engage in relationship talks with W Be fun try and laugh and joke I will go to the gym at least three times a week I will choose to eat healthy meals I will work loosing 2 lbs weight each week Every day I will record one thing I am greatful for and one reason why I will never do something stupid I will choose to go out one evening each week and do something for me
Relationship I need to think up some goals some help here would be great
Thank you
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Regarding R goals, it seems that your goals should be to become a better Ghost that will be attractive in any R, not specifically W.
Are the goals you made based on 180s of previous behaviour or aimed to please W. Goals must be for you, even if ultimately we hope they help reattract W.
Good luck.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
I truly feel your pain and I know exactly how it feels to be rejected by the one person you thought you could count on forever.
It has been 6 months sense the BD for me. I did all of the things that don't work until I found DB. One thing I can tell you from experience is no matter how irrational our Ws thought process is, no one can reason with them. I tried to reason with my W and she would just stare at the floor with her arms crossed. It was like trying to talk a tomato out of being red.
It has been about a month now since we have had any R talks. It feels like she is farther away than ever. I have realized that there is nothing I can say to make her change her mind.
Just keep posting and hang in there. Its a long process and there are no guarantees that our Ws will come out of the fog. The only guarantee is that we will get through this.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
The only guarantee is that by focusing on ourselves and really doing the work, we will get through this and be better people, parents, friends, and partners for it.
My goals are for me there are a few 180s in there as well doing more with my children and more arround the house theese are areas that my W said I didn't do enough roiste yes there is nothing I can say I am just hoping that my actions will over time make her rethink her position however unlikely this will be.
Tkdmme thank you for your words
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Ok last quick question before I try and get back on track ...a while ago I wrote my W a letter on a printed heart and today I noticed that she had thrown it in the bin do I say anything to her ...like if you do not want it then you could have given it back to me or do I just let this go knowing any other letters will go the same way ?
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
My wife did the same. Our anniversary was back in June and I left her a letter along with a book that she had given me when we first met. When I came home the book was back on the shelf and the letter was gone. I assume she threw it away but I was scared to look.
Honestly I wouldn't write any more letters. I know its hard. I did the same things. I am finally to a mental place where I truly do not initiate any conversations about the M. Trust me, I know how hard this is. I thought I would never be able to stop trying to talk her out of it. I realized that all i was doing was making it harder for me. Every time i tried to talk to her or write her letters i got the same reaction which was total rejection. I always felt worse after i did these things. she probably felt more powerful.
Azzork wrote somewhere that as soon as you realize that you will be ok alone you will feel better. Or something to that effect. This is the truth.
My advise is to stop writing her letters and talking to her about the R. I promise you will feel better. No one wants to keep getting rejected over and over. I just stopped. and yes it took a lot of self control. i still want to try to change her mind but i know better now than to do this.
I hope this helped
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
I am just hoping that my actions will over time make her rethink her position however unlikely this will be.
Are they really? They are your actions. But are they really FOR you? Not trying to be a jerk - but you need to make sure that it IS for you. Otherwise, it wont last.
As for the letter, you gave it to her. She can do what she wants with it. Why would you think you should send another note?
