running around like a chicken without a head

[gonegrl]

Overcome, you ARE strong. And you are getting stronger each day. And you are not alone, you have us here for support. Keep posting, venting, cry it out on here, we will understand.

And crying is ok, sometimes you need that release. It is not a sign of weakness.

Take a deep breath, you are going to be ok.

[overcom]

I just want to know why he acts like I'm the one who cheated on him. He's so angry with me. He can't even stand talking to me.

[Sotto]

Now then Overcome. Remember that avenues like this - where you are focusing on him - are asking why, why.....are not productive avenues for you. They don't help you.

I can tell you why is probably so angry. He's angry because you stand there as a reminder of the shame of what he has done. At some level, he is angry with himself and he directs it at you. You stand in the way of him getting what he wants just now. He wants to shed his M and move on to a blissful life with OP etc....

Now, know that and let it go for now.

How are you getting along with the book and creating a GAL plan. Can you recapture some of the momentum you had a few days ago to move forward here? Don't get stuck in these unhelpful thought patterns about him.

Remember - you don't get to control what is happening or what he does/chooses. BUT you do get to absolutely control your own reaction to this and how YOU move forward.

You can overcome this....xx

[Azzork]

Great post, Sotto!

And overcom - remember this. Anger > Indifference.

[gonegrl]

Overcome, a friend of mine is a marriage therapist. After BD when H was raging at me, she met me for lunch and we talked. She told me that when she sees clients and one of them is expressing anger and hatred she knows that she can work with them. Its when she sees indifference that she suspects the relationship is really over.

That said, it is awful to be on the receiving end of anger. I came to this conclusion, and I might be wrong. But I think for me, my H is angry with himself. And he has poor boundaries and views me as an extension of himself, so he takes it out on me. So that it leaves the rest of "himself" intact to go about functioning, going to work, etc. Which is why I notice the more I GAL and detach the less he rages at me, because suddenly I am not just an extension of him any more, he is starting to view me as a separate person.

[overcom]

Both are very great posts. Ty.
My gal will be going out with my girl friends.
Getting into shape
Going places with kids
Tonight he went out with girls and posted the pictures on his facebook. It hurts much. Now I will completely detach from him. It's like I never even knew him. He's acting and doing things as if he's in his 20s. WHAT EVER!!! I WILL DO WHAT I HAVE TO TO BE HAPPY AGAIN.
Please continue to pray for me. Pray so I grow stronger and Continue to fight this storm that's happening in my life....

[gonegrl]

Overcome, I will pray for you. Maybe you should either get off FB for awhile or hide his posts so you don't get distracted by them. Detachment is hard, and it doesn't come all at once, but I know for myself each time I detach a little more it becomes so much easier. What are you doing for yourself today?

[Sotto]

Overcome, I agree about FB. Following what your H is up to on FB will just bring misery for sure. But luckily, it is something you have control over. And if you don't want to feel miserable about seeing his FB pics, you don't need to.

The thing to remember about FB in these sitches is - it presents a 'distorted' image of what is happening. People only post those pics where they are having a great time. As one wise poster pointed out - you don't post a pic of yourself crying in the bathroom do you??

Good for you with your GAL plans. Let us know how these are going won't you??

Take care, Sotto xx

[overcom]

I know the girls personally but it still hurt. I have removed him from my fb so I don't have to see any of it...
Tha k you guys for your support... I'll definitely keep y I u posted... today were gonna hand at my parents tomorrow swimming

[overcom]

Hi everyone I was blocked from the website but finally had time to call tmobile amd get it fixed. So just a quick update.
The last few days nothing really new only have been calling h if need be. He has filed the papers last friday and they called him today that they are ready to be served on me. Guys I don't want this. How can I stall the process. Saturday I'm gonna sign up to the gym I'm kinda excited to start working out as I definitely need it.. other then that nothing really going on.