Haunted, please stop looking at h f/b or any social media of his. All it does is cause you pain and upset, no good will come of it. Only have communication with him regarding the children, keep it short and to the point. If it is not necessary then don't contact him. I know its hard, I really do, but I am just thinking of you and your sanity.
Read threads here from the beginning, you will see that most of us have written the same as you - that our h/w have said hurtful things like they no longer love us, never had feelings for us ever, that leaving us is the best thing they have ever done .... this is part of the MLC, its a false world that they have created in their heads, they truly believe it, nothing and no one can change their minds as they are convinced they are right. Hopefully one day, your h will wake up and see what he has done to all those around him and like many post MLC'ers he will feel regret and remorse.
I really do feel your pain, it was not long ago that I was where you are now so I do understand how hard this is. You going to be ok, you will get through this, it does take time and determination, just keep the focus on you, keep moving through the days as best you can, it will get easier.
I just got a text from MIL saying that he stole $100 that was for bills out of her room. She said she confronted him and asked if he was on drugs. He said no so she said then you are giving it to some girl. He said he doesn't have it. She asked him what he did with it and he wouldn't say anything.
I am not even responding to her because it's not my concern. I can't help him or fix the issue. She is on her own to worry with that. I am just worrying about myself and my kids.
So now he is going to strip joints. He was bragging all over facebook about what he got to do and got one of the dancers phone number. And talking about how he may be 43 but he still has "got it"
Ummmm....likely this is where he spent the hundred bucks. Those girls are sure making a sucker out of him.
Please,please,please....see a lawyer and get some paperwork started so that you are protected from any liability for any debts he runs up, and so that he has to pay child support.
(Funny/sad strip club story - when I was in med school, my ex and I had a temporary room mate, a fellow med student from another state doing a 3 month rotation in our town. He was a tall, handsome young man, and being a future doctor, could have gotten any number of dates. But he had gotten into the habit of attending the local strip club and decided he had fallen "in love" with one of the girls there.
He was gonna "rescue" her, she was gonna go back home with him when he left. Of course, all that really happened was she sucked his pockets empty and when the time came, said "bye" while he went home and she kept a good chunk of his cash. He foolishly hadn't realized he was being played.)
Well, today was busy. I was off but felt like I was running around everywhere lol.
My son had their game tonight and my husband actually showed up. He didn't speak to me at first. He spoke to everyone else when he first got there. He probably ignored me for the 1st 30 mins. When he sat down he sat far away from me, then moved up to sit near my uncle. Somehow we finally ended up sitting beside each other. I saw glimpses of the man I knew. The smiling, which I've barely seen in awhile, the flirting with me, the acting comfortable around me. He asked me about some pics of his dad and him that I had and pics from the burial. I told him I still had them and could put them on a cd if he brought me one. He said yeah because you need to delete them. We are not together anymore so you dont need any pics of me. He even snapped at me when I answered him about the pics and said he was trying to watch the game.
He must have realized i removed him from facebook because he called me and was pissed about that. You could hear the anger in his voice. He replied with an oh well and you can do what you want.
I can't win for losing. Tonight was just another ride of confusion.
Boy Haunted, sure seems to me like he is really trying to convince you that it is over.....or is he trying to convince himself? Sounds to me like he is talking the typical mantra, it's text book. He is trying to convince himself and others. If he really felt that way, he would not be telling you over and over, he is trying to talk himself into that. He is confused Haunted, really in a spin.
Please get and stay out of his way. He needs to spin it out. Keep your head up girlfriend, stand your ground, love yourself and dig inside for your strength. You will be amazed at the strength you have inside of you as you walk this journey.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Boy Haunted, sure seems to me like he is really trying to convince you that it is over.....or is he trying to convince himself? Sounds to me like he is talking the typical mantra, it's text book. He is trying to convince himself and others. If he really felt that way, he would not be telling you over and over, he is trying to talk himself into that. He is confused Haunted, really in a spin.
Please get and stay out of his way. He needs to spin it out. Keep your head up girlfriend, stand your ground, love yourself and dig inside for your strength. You will be amazed at the strength you have inside of you as you walk this journey.
Well there are some days I think he really feels this way and it trying to make me see thats how he really feels. Some days I think he is just a WAS more than a MLC. It's such a blurred line right now.
I am staying as far out of his way as I can. I don't want the headache any longer.
Aww Haunted, so sad you're having to go through this, you are doing great and understanding what you need to.
Your h wants everything on his terms and on his time scale so when you go against what he thinks you should be doing that upsets him, he is going through a "spoilt brat" stage, stamp his feet in a paddy when he doesn't get what he wants. You keep doing what you feel is right, don't let him bully you.
He is completely confused right now, spinning around not knowing which way is up. Just let him be, allow him to work it out on his own. Its sad and heartbreaking to watch and even more painful to live through, this is why detaching is so important and something you will thankful of as this process unfolds.
I feel so stressed today. Friday is my last day at my old job. I start my new one sometime next week. I am nervous about it lol.
I had a woman that he hung out with reach out to me on fb. She wanted my number so I gave it to her. We called. She told me they didn't do anything. She wasn't attracted to him in any way. She said he spent most of the time talking to her cousin and it happened to be bad things about me. LOL. She said her cousin thinks he is very much in love with me since he talked about me so much. She said he appeared to be a very broken man. It kills me knowing he is hurting and I can't do anything about it.
He also sent me a friend request on facebook, which I haven't touched yet.
I agree with the others. Kind of like he did at the game, they have a way of finding you if they want to. Let him pursue or run away, but give both of you the space. If you don't, it'll be like tangling with a meat grinder.
As for FB. It seems to me that a lot of people use that as a kind of tool. They use it to show how "happy" they are, or how "great" things are. They also use it to spy on people and gather intelligence about them. My suggestion is that if YOU are not ready for him to be on your page and watch what you post, then don't accept the friend request. You can always let him know it's for you that you make that choice (later and only if he asks.)
Be honest with all you do. It's never a good idea to do things to get his attention or to prove how happy you are etc. You'll be tempted at some point. They have a tendency to try and get your attention like a teen - often with taunting or anger. The response is to try and defend yourself. Try not to get caught up in that. Silence is a great answer if he is being unkind in his attempts to interact.
Why? Because he'll twist whatever you say into something like "see?!! that's why I left!" If you misrepresent or defend, that's the fodder he'll use. I saw a lot of that in my case and in many others. In my case, it took a long time before that sunk in with me. The other reason is because it helps you to get perspective if you detach from that kind of stuff and only pay attention to the polite and respectful interactions. And finally, because it "teaches" others how to treat you. Some need that more than others
Based on what you say above, compassion shouldn't be tough. But it will be if you take the bait with future interactions. They may escalate the more you don't take the bait, but stay the course. It'll be worth it.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
So, he and I took our daughter to the fair tonight. When we first got there, all he talked about was this new girl that he hopes becomes a girlfriend. Our daughter told him no. He said he could do what he wants. She said no youre still married to my mama. He said I don't care.
Then later on we were sitting there talking about random things, he starts talking about how he wants me to be happy for him because he would be happy for me if I found someone. and hes not sad that he is the not the one that would be making me happy. He wants me to see someone else. Then he went on about a divorce. He said he is still planning on filing something soon when he gets time because he's ready to move on with his life. Random other things he said throughout the night was he doesn't care what I do. What i do is not his concern anymore. He made sure to mention the we're not together anymore as well. LOL
He dropped me off at home and gave me a hug because I wasn't feeling good. That was what he said to me and said thank you for giving me my daughter and for 10 years together. I am sorry that it didn't work out.
